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Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #00996-B265: Miss Communication

That thing where your words get all tangled up and you can't speak your own language until you stop and spit out the bad sounds, then suddenly you can talk again. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You might appreciate this vid from Red Dwarf. There's also a more polished official version IDK I rather prefer the original...]

Shayde was in the middle of Explaining Physics. Some of the expositions she had were still years ahead of current technology. Right now, she was examining the physics of neural links in an organic brain versus the pseudo-neural links of a Gravity Drive.

How she had talked a Nae'hyn into divulging such secrets was beyond Rael, but it still paid to pay attention.

"Na' if we factor in human observation on th' behaviour o' the electrons, ye get an orgefwibble jankle bargle yaup..." She stopped. Blew a raspberry. And commenced anew, "Organic process o' selection an' elimination. Of course it cannae be replicated in a factory. Ye need actual craftsmanship on these darlin's. Personal care an' attention."

"What. Just. Happened?" wondered Rael.

"Nowt bad. Me head jus' got ahead o' me mouth, ye ken. Go' so excited about this that me tastebuds had tae do laps." She briefly poked her tongue out at him. "Is it still in a knot?"

Ah. The human phenomenon of talking so fast that they couldn't talk at all. Rather an interesting and baffling malfunction, considering that communication was essential to survival.

(Muse food remaining: 14. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #00995-B264: One Stuffy Hour in a Remote Meeting Hall

SPOEn get confronted with this http://xkcd.com/1576/ (a personal failure at panel 6, where I guessed wrong and upset someone was what made me send the prompt that became SPOEn - I didn't articulate myself well in the prompt) -- RecklessPrudence

"Wait," said the noob at the meeting. "I thought this was for analysis of language drift, trying to find the origins. I mean, in so far as anyone can find any origins..."

"What did you think it meant when

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Challenge #00993-B262: The Path of Love is Rough...

Opposing the previous prompt, someone tries very hard to get a date with a human and ends up scaring them into hiding in a corner/under something, brandishing a defensive broom handle -- Anon Guest

Of all the romantic gambits in Galactic Society, few have ever been more disastrous than a H'nuf'ruffian's attempt to woo an arachnophobe.

Having overloaded on certain sections of Human media, Cogniscent T't'k't decided that it was a brilliant idea to rappel down on hir own silk until

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Challenge #00992-B261: It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means...

Expanding on http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/119713605994/challenge-00850-b119-one-fine-bar-fight-at-a (aggression of one species very similar to flirting for another)

Someone tries their absolute hardest to start a fight with a human, or just scare them off or something (maybe there is a bet going?) And gets unexpectedly dipped. Kiss optional.

Alcohol was one of the more common registered inebriants, so Intoxicant Bars always came with a semi-flammable miasma. One such establishment was The Unlikely Mammal Drink. A bar run by a saurian

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Challenge #00991-B260: What is 'Painting'?

More about humans and their ridiculous "sight" -- Anon Guest

[AN: For those too busy to go look it up, the original instalment is here]

The pirates the crew had just soundly trounced had a treasure of art works in their lair. Including a baffling array of rectangular, flat objects. Lieutenant-Commander Jain, however, almost had a conniption.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with those. They're paintings. Care-ful. That's art." Ze almost snatched a rectangle from Ensign Ch'koff's hands. "We have to put these

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Challenge #00990-B259: One Dull Morning in a General Supplies Store

The helgoq leaf (http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/125201724094/challenge-00914-b183-cautious-eaters) being used/marketed as a human repellant. -- Anon Guest

The really beautiful thing about a truly open market was that things moved astonishingly quickly. No snake oil, just things that worked, and worked best at what they were for.

Though there were a few 'alternative uses' that made for interesting discussions...

Shayde found one such item in the safety products aisle. Alongside the usual protective devices and common-use medical instruments were

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Challenge #00989-B258: The Houyhnhnms Fandom

More on the humans and the unicorn ambassador seen here: http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/127820781249/challenge-00946-b215-the-houyhnhnms-arrival -- Anon Guest

[AN: CallMeGallifreya, is that you?]

Ambassador Thrass kept G'pux by her side at all times. But when she found out that there was an exercise track... She crept out in the early morning to enjoy a good run.

All she needed to do was follow the warning signs.

She met up with Ambassador Shayde on her second lap, her white hair mostly

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Challenge #00988-B257: The Power of the Pointer

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/128930273519/i-have-reason-to-believe-that-this-lizard-has

I have reason to believe that this lizard has acquired artillery. -- Anon Guest

Bullets splashed against the walls, just above their current shelter of a piece of their ship's ablative shielding. "Really?" said Hwell. "What was your first hint?" He flinched against the shower of shrapnel.

"I think it was when Gerih got shot in the leg. All wounds sustained thus far have been non-fatal."

Hwell rolled his eyes. Rhytidops were famously immune to

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Challenge #00986-B255: What is 'Light'?

http://chaoswolf1982.tumblr.com/post/129369751472/roachpatrol-gutterowl-roachpatrol

The continuing adventures of a human with a bunch of mole/bat people. As seen by the mole/bat people.

[NB - notify ChaosWolf1982 and ManyBlinkingLights]

[AN: I prompted myself because this was too good to pass up.]

Captain's Log, Galactic Standard Calendar 58430.03.2.05...[1]

In the spirit of further understanding between species, we are welcoming aboard a new crewmember. One of the Deathworlder species called 'humans'...

The airlock hissed. Captain K'rik

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Challenge #00985-B254: One Skull-cracking Morning in a N'Ozzie Holding Cell

What the Bleep! am I doing with a traffic cone, a black lace thong and a feather boa?

Two things were certain to Hwell. One: the light hurt. Two: it must have been one hell of a night, last night.

"You understand that I only call him my 'business partner' because it is forbidden to label cogniscents as 'lucky pets'." That had to be Ax'and'l. Urgently distancing himself from Hwell's previous revelry and subsequent swathe of damage.

If, however, the swathe of

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Challenge #00977-B246: Rictus

By the time one reaches adulthood it is almost reflex to give a sunny grin when someone points a camera at you. This can have unintended results.

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

"And worse, this creature had the audacity to bare its teeth at me!"

Adjudicator Shyn'len leaned over hir desk. "Have you had much education on the habits of humans, Cogniscent P'rel?"

"Uuuuuuhhhhh..."

"That's a nervous baring of teeth. It's not a threat or a show of amusement. And further to

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Challenge #00971-B240: During the Wee Small Hours on a Long-Haul Scavenger Vessel

“Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

"Um. It's not for anything terrible. I mean. Not really terrible. Um. Sort of?"

Captain Mellier groaned and sighed. "How can something be 'sort of' not really terrible, Jones?"

Jones was twiddling with her fingers. "Um. You know the Oshit problem on board? Um. Well. We were -uh- experimenting? A little? With ordinary shipboard chemicals?" She managed a nervous rictus. "On the Oshits, I promise! Um. And... Baker? Um.

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Challenge #00970-B239: One Agumentative Walk Following a Bad Spill

“Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle"

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

"Mikug seeing way human go down. Mikug knowing is pain-of-death."

Reeva sighed. "Mikug forgetting self is Deathworlder. Self is fine. Self has to strap it and limp for a while."

There were drawbacks to working with heavy-grav cogniscents, and this was one of them. "Mikug taking human to mediks. Mediks helping."

The only language they shared was Broken GalStand, which made understanding a little more complicated. "Mediks

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Challenge #00969-B238: The Unstoppable Human

“So what if I broke my arm I’m still doing it.”

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Kri'ki had assumed it was yet another bizarre human ritual. Elis had sent her off to fetch hard, stiff, long lengths of metal. Then ductape. Then she had to assist in binding one of Elis' forelimbs to some suitable struts and build a harness to immobilise the limb.

"Which festival is this for?" asked Kri'ki. Humans celebrated the most peculiar things at the oddest times.

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Challenge #00968-B237: One Bland Morning in an Infectious Diseases Lab

“Please stop petting the test subjects.”

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

"Aw, but they're adorable."

"Only a human would find a cage of Oshits 'adorable'..." Brantid sighed. "I cannot allow you to become attached. They are sacrificial subjects in my study on the prickle-hide plague."

"You're giving them prickle-hide? Ouch. Poor iddle spidies..."

Do not kill and eat the profitable mammal... Brantid restrained herself, barely. Chloë, the human hired because she was immune to both Oshits and the plague, was proving more

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