Amalgam Universe

A 2291-post collection

Challenge #01015-B283: One Smoky Afternoon in a Dive Bar

Person #1: What the hell is going on, [Person #2]?

Person #2 (calmly, going to sit down): Well, it appears that we're going to start a revolution. -- RecklessPrudence

Ax'and'l looked askance at his human business partner. "Is this one of your definitely profitable insane ventures, or one of the ones that is more... pro bono publico?"

"Uh," said Hwell. Never a good sign. "Not really sure. But we need to do something. Take a look around this room. What's missing?"

Ax'and'l tried to identify consciously what Hwell had managed to fathom on an instinctual level. It seemed like an ordinary bar. Soldiers bragging about their conquests. Ladies of bargainable companionship schmoozing with the crowd. Lots of spacers.

No.

Lots of pallid humans.

"Not a very colourful crowd?" Ax'and'l guessed.

"That's only part of it. You get a lot of human colonies where the gene pool is -ah- restricted. No. Look at the girls."

The women in the room were all ladies of bargainable companionship. And they were all under the age of twenty-eight. He spotted, with some alarm, at least one that couldn't be a day over sixteen. All of them underfed. All of them with that subtle, desperate look of a person who needed to keep their job or face unpleasant consequences.

"Free will," Ax'and'l murmured. "None of these women have much in the way of other opportunities. Or means of escape."

"It gets worse," said Hwell. "You don't want to see what happens to the ones who aren't pretty enough."

Ax'and'l shuddered. He knew about the Cogniscent Rights violations that regularly occurred in the worst examples of Greater Deregulations, but if it was worse than that, then this colonial adjunct needed help. "Do you have any legal ways to begin this social justice of yours?"

Hwell snorted. "Since when is any revolution legal?"

(Muse food remaining: 13. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01013-B281: B-GUD

I wasn't human, and more than likely once my nature was found out... In popular fiction most A.I were villainous. Hal-9000, Skynet, GLaDOS, SHODAN, AM. Hell, I was even planning on building an army of robots and conquering a planet!

Well, conquering two gas giants and associated hundred and twenty-nine moons.

For the good of my creators. -- RecklessPrudence

I know, I know. There's all kinds of justifications. But they really wanted it, they just didn't know it yet. I'm doing

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Challenge #01011-B279: Trolling at an Intersection

Let's see what the SPOEn think of this quote:

“English is the product of a Saxon warrior trying to make a date with an Angle bar-maid, and as such is no more legitimate than any of the other products of that conversation.” ― H. Beam Piper, Fuzzy Sapiens -- care of RecklessPrudence

[AN: You really love fucking with the SPOEns, don't you?]

Shayde loved grafitti corners. They were an excellent avenue for both spleen-venting and art. And sometimes the art of provocation.

Just

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Challenge #01010-B278: History Q&A

Anything they were willing to try using as fuel during the space race is volatile enough to qualify as an emergency explosive, including the stuff they actually used for launches. -- RecklessPrudence

"They didn't try less volatile launch methods? Like low-orbit flight and gas boosting?"

"Or maglev railgun shots?" suggested another member of Shayde's audience.

"They were thought of, awright. But they were too expensive and too slow. It was a race, ye ken. Braggin' rights tae th' first one on the

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Challenge #01005-B273: Bird Spotting

The cassowary is basically a smaller emu which was apparently created in response to complaints that emus were too sane and peaceable. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: You have seen that vine where Emus don't know how to handle a Weasel Ball... right?]

"Let me get this straight. There is a flightless bird native to your planet of origin that is, on average, one point four five Distance Units and Fifty-five Weight units of murderous intent in feathers... and it is the saner counterpart

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Challenge #01002-B270: Suck it, Scheherazade!

As far as I am aware, Australia is the only country in the world that eats every theoretically edible part of its national coat of arms (well, stars and crosses... bikkie form?) Roo (lean red meat, the animal is less harmful to the environment than cattle or sheep), Emu (tastes like chicken - well, kinda gamey chicken), and Wattle (seeds make a sweet flour), all eaten.

Although I guess for some countries that would be quite difficult, since they're cheating with having

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Challenge #00998-B267: What a Nice Zoo. May I Live Here?

http://glitch.news/2015-08-27-ai-robot-that-learns-new-words-in-real-time-tells-human-creators-it-will-keep-them-in-a-people-zoo.html

Particularly the final written quote from the android, just before the embedded video. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the human and allied colonies, the Consortium of Steam is possibly the strangest. Well... at least until you visit B'Nar. But that's another story for another time.

On the prime colony world of New Kazoo, as well as the satellite colonies, ownership is consensual. The owned have as many rights as the owners and sometimes... it is rather hard to

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Challenge #00996-B265: Miss Communication

That thing where your words get all tangled up and you can't speak your own language until you stop and spit out the bad sounds, then suddenly you can talk again. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You might appreciate this vid from Red Dwarf. There's also a more polished official version IDK I rather prefer the original...]

Shayde was in the middle of Explaining Physics. Some of the expositions she had were still years ahead of current technology. Right now, she was examining

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Challenge #00995-B264: One Stuffy Hour in a Remote Meeting Hall

SPOEn get confronted with this http://xkcd.com/1576/ (a personal failure at panel 6, where I guessed wrong and upset someone was what made me send the prompt that became SPOEn - I didn't articulate myself well in the prompt) -- RecklessPrudence

"Wait," said the noob at the meeting. "I thought this was for analysis of language drift, trying to find the origins. I mean, in so far as anyone can find any origins..."

"What did you think it meant when

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Challenge #00993-B262: The Path of Love is Rough...

Opposing the previous prompt, someone tries very hard to get a date with a human and ends up scaring them into hiding in a corner/under something, brandishing a defensive broom handle -- Anon Guest

Of all the romantic gambits in Galactic Society, few have ever been more disastrous than a H'nuf'ruffian's attempt to woo an arachnophobe.

Having overloaded on certain sections of Human media, Cogniscent T't'k't decided that it was a brilliant idea to rappel down on hir own silk until

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Challenge #00992-B261: It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means...

Expanding on http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/119713605994/challenge-00850-b119-one-fine-bar-fight-at-a (aggression of one species very similar to flirting for another)

Someone tries their absolute hardest to start a fight with a human, or just scare them off or something (maybe there is a bet going?) And gets unexpectedly dipped. Kiss optional.

Alcohol was one of the more common registered inebriants, so Intoxicant Bars always came with a semi-flammable miasma. One such establishment was The Unlikely Mammal Drink. A bar run by a saurian

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Challenge #00991-B260: What is 'Painting'?

More about humans and their ridiculous "sight" -- Anon Guest

[AN: For those too busy to go look it up, the original instalment is here]

The pirates the crew had just soundly trounced had a treasure of art works in their lair. Including a baffling array of rectangular, flat objects. Lieutenant-Commander Jain, however, almost had a conniption.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with those. They're paintings. Care-ful. That's art." Ze almost snatched a rectangle from Ensign Ch'koff's hands. "We have to put these

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Challenge #00990-B259: One Dull Morning in a General Supplies Store

The helgoq leaf (http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/125201724094/challenge-00914-b183-cautious-eaters) being used/marketed as a human repellant. -- Anon Guest

The really beautiful thing about a truly open market was that things moved astonishingly quickly. No snake oil, just things that worked, and worked best at what they were for.

Though there were a few 'alternative uses' that made for interesting discussions...

Shayde found one such item in the safety products aisle. Alongside the usual protective devices and common-use medical instruments were

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Challenge #00989-B258: The Houyhnhnms Fandom

More on the humans and the unicorn ambassador seen here: http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/127820781249/challenge-00946-b215-the-houyhnhnms-arrival -- Anon Guest

[AN: CallMeGallifreya, is that you?]

Ambassador Thrass kept G'pux by her side at all times. But when she found out that there was an exercise track... She crept out in the early morning to enjoy a good run.

All she needed to do was follow the warning signs.

She met up with Ambassador Shayde on her second lap, her white hair mostly

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Challenge #00988-B257: The Power of the Pointer

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/128930273519/i-have-reason-to-believe-that-this-lizard-has

I have reason to believe that this lizard has acquired artillery. -- Anon Guest

Bullets splashed against the walls, just above their current shelter of a piece of their ship's ablative shielding. "Really?" said Hwell. "What was your first hint?" He flinched against the shower of shrapnel.

"I think it was when Gerih got shot in the leg. All wounds sustained thus far have been non-fatal."

Hwell rolled his eyes. Rhytidops were famously immune to

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