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Australia

A 24-post collection

Challenge #01953-E129: Lost in a Hellscape

A couple who have no recollection of how they got there find themselves in a lethally dangerous environment where every creature and several of the plants seem to be trying to kill them. Being religious, they realize they are lost souls and this must be hell.

Then the search party finds them. They were vacationing in Australia and had wandered off after someone gave them roofies.

But what happened in between that would make and amnesiac tourist decide that they were just in the eternal pit. -- Bard2DBone

Mary woke up pressed and oppressed between burning heat and sharp stones riddled with ants that were painfully pinching her flesh. It took her far too long to get away from the ants. There was no escaping the heat. It scorched her throat. The harsh light seared her eyes. The sharp ground tormented her feet. There were creatures that looked like they were made out of thorns. Everything plant-like here looked like it was dead. Everything alive here was seemingly made to hurt.

The sky was bare of clouds. The earth was bare of anything friendly to Mary's means of classification. Only a pair of windswept tyre tracks gave any indication of how she got here. And there were lizards the size of dogs[1] ambling through this tortuous landscape. Mary picked the direction least likely to intersect with the lizards and tried to logically conclude something from established facts.

Fact: It was burning hot. Fact: there was no water to be seen but the wavering illusions on the horizon. Fact: The plants appeared to be dead. Fact: The livestock was outright hostile or at least appeared to be so. Fact: Everything here was made to hurt her. Fact: The last thing she remembered before waking up here was a rather sinful hen's party. Conclusion: She must have died and gone to Hell.

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Challenge #01573-D112: The Aptly-named Terra

Correct dress varies from full formal to the Northern Territory Australian version 'wear a singlet And thongs (flip flops). -- Knitnan

Welcome to the Terran Solar system. All Havenworlder species are advised to engage in tourism inside a livesuit, and with a bodyguard if your Havenworld is of Class 3 or above. For those species who can endure a Class 4.5 Deathworld, acceptable dress ranges from "full head-to-toe covering if female" to "we don't care, just cover your naughty bits". A

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Challenge #01388-C293: Cheerful Charlie

"No worries, Mate! No problem." -- Anon Guest

[AN: Other phrases that Aussies have learned to fear, especially those who remember Joh "I live to fuck up your life" Bjelke-Peterson, are "Don't you worry about that" and "She'll be right" ::twitch::]

If there was a worse curse for a ship's human, T'kethi couldn't think of a worse option than a N'Ozzie Engineer. T'kethi repeatedly set herself reminders to never again pick a human based on pure aesthetics.

They were all ugly, squishy

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Challenge #01364-C269: Here There Be Werewolves

Tidally-locked Lycanthropy Planet. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

Rough seas, of course. Rounding the Cape to the trade winds inevitably involved rough seas. It took a good captain to deal with just that. But of course, things had to be trickier. Sailing the Cape had to be done in full daylight or not at all, because the Moon shone her full face on the southern hemisphere. Which left those dangerous lands populated entirely by werewolves.

And even with all these precautions, there was

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Challenge #01331-C236: Epic Levels of Bullshit

I knew about this story, but I had never heard the reasoning behind having the 'roos in the simulation to begin with. Makes a lot more sense, now. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: The real funny part was that this story was used as an example of checking your GD code before release. I heard it in one of my BInfTech lectures. Australia just seems to be a nexus of firkin weird stories. See: The Emu War (spoilers, the Emus won)]

"...and then the

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Challenge #01327-C232: Almost Like Home

Vulcans discover Australian wildlife. -- Anon Guest

Out in the Never-Never, it's either deathly dry or flooded to the point of cataclysm. This time, when the Vulcans sent their science team to investigate, it was deadly dry. Though they had a native guide with them, they seemed most at home in this arid and hostile environment.

Some even felt chilly, and wore coats.

"Ey up," said the native guide. "Got a nesting emu up ahead."

'Ey up', they were assured, was Australian

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Challenge #01005-B273: Bird Spotting

The cassowary is basically a smaller emu which was apparently created in response to complaints that emus were too sane and peaceable. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: You have seen that vine where Emus don't know how to handle a Weasel Ball... right?]

"Let me get this straight. There is a flightless bird native to your planet of origin that is, on average, one point four five Distance Units and Fifty-five Weight units of murderous intent in feathers... and it is the saner counterpart

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chaoswolf1982: internutter: I'm too broke to bugger offI've had a good look at everywhere else I could go and my options aren't that...

chaoswolf1982:

internutter:

  1. I’m too broke to bugger off
  2. I’ve had a good look at everywhere else I could go and my options aren’t that great.

Seriously. Every other country either:

  • has its own cans of arseholes
  • is fuck-off cold
  • doesn’t speak English

And when you get down to it, despite the toxic flora, fauna and mycotta, and the deadly landscape and the occasional cyclone season - this country would be perfect if we could just get rid of

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sir-doctor-of-the-tardis: captamerican: captamerican: do you see this. do you fucking see this. i'm just minding my own fucking business...

sir-doctor-of-the-tardis:

captamerican:

captamerican:

do you see this. do you fucking see this. i’m just minding my own fucking business tryna get a new roll of toilet paper and this fuckin privileged piece of turd thinks it’s ok to hide inside of the roll. it’s not ok. it’s very not ok. do you fucking see this. i fucking touched this motherfucker

image

Are you from Australia

That’s a Hunstman spider (and a baby one at that. Adults can

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Random Australia Fact

Drop Bears are real.

However, they only exist in a relatively small patch of scrub (roughly the size of Virginia) just south of Tullagawupwup.

The Nunga tribe worship them as sacred spirit animals and, weirdly, are the only people who can approach them without fear of injury or death. Naturally, most Nunga tribespeople find themselves recruited into the field of Drop Bear Research by the CSIRO.

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