Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #01162-C067: Ready For Inspection

T'reka (or another of her species) meets a Helmeted Guineafowl -- Gallifreya

The thing about Terrans, when one got down to it, was their fanaticism for introducing things. Some of them, inherently hazardous. Some of them, frankly insane. And some, K'iival found out, previously extinct.

As manager of the Integration Board, she had to inspect and begin the process of clearing Terran species for use or contact with her fellow Numidid in Kal'rike and it's growing satellite settlements.

Some were inherently useful, like the Pony. It's larger cousin, the Horsss, was far too immense for anything but zoos, so far. The youth had an unnerving new habit of falling in love with the animals and finding work for the immense beasts. All so they could flock on Horsss backs and heads and shriek for the joy of it.

Some were frankly ridiculous, like the Dodo.

And these... looked like something else from a museum.

K'iival was used to them being immobile dummies, in recreations. Holding spears or other primitive tools.

But these birds did not have hands.

Willow Valentine managed a nervous rictus. "They're not reconstructed," she said in what K'iival thought of as Colonial Hu'lu, a dialect of Scientific Hu'lu that had adopted and then bastardised useful Terran words. On more formal occasions, Willow would use the more formal tongue.

"What are they?" K'iival had to resort to Life Breathing. These things were...

It was like looking into the abyss and only getting an uncomprehending stare back.

"Humans call them Guinea Fowl. They're birds from Earth. There's -um- been some debate about bringing them out of the gene-stores, but... it turns out we're going to need a lot of guano... and -um- pestcontrol..." The last two words were hurried and mumbled.

Of course Numidid ate insects. It was just... bad manners to snap them out of the air. And there were some species on Toxic Island that looked exactly like food species in Kal'rike... but were varying degrees of poisonous. Further incentive to remember good manners if there ever was one.

"I understand," said K'iival. "They have been altered to stomach the -ah- pests?"

"Of course. Our gengineers know their sh-- stuff. We're just worried about the... um...."

"Obvious cultural insult?" suggested K'iival.

"Yeah, that."

They were the size of children, but did not have a child's markings. And it was difficult to tell the males from the females. "Is there a reason why they're in a full cage?"

"Oh, they fly."

Okay, that was one heck of a differentiation. "My primitive ancestors could only glide. Hands were far more useful to us."

"Yeah. If you like, we can make these guys more obvious. Say the word. We can patch in Safety Orange spots or something. This sample is sterile. For inspection."

Of course they did. The Terrans were amazingly amenable about introducing species. For example, they consciously decided to keep mice and rats from the planet, because of what they did to eggs.

"I..." need to have a quiet panic attack, "will consult with my superiors..."

(Muse food remaining: 30. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01160-C065: Weird is Universal

A person is the only member of their species in a group, so a lot of their behaviour is passed off as "must be a (species) thing."

Then they meet up with the others and it turns out no, none of them do that, it's a Dave thing. -- Gallifreya

In the interests of diplomacy, crews from various species' crew have been shared out into other species' vessels. I think the Galactic Alliance is trying to engender familiarity with others as a

Read more »

Challenge #01159-C064: Not-so-Vital Information

Is there a species in the galactic community large enough to hold a human like a hamster? -- Gallifreya

Taken from the Wikipedia Galactica under the heading of Illogical Questions Asked About Humans...

A: Short form answer: usually not.

Long form answer:

Cogniscents in the Galactic Alliance vary in dimensions and mass. For organic cogniscents, the mass is usually between eight and five hundred Standard Weight Units. There are a few exceptions [see file: Hive Minds] but giants are solely in the

Read more »

Challenge #01155-C060: One Tiny Flaw

http://this-book-has-been-loved.tumblr.com/post/139007622507/things-ive-actually-heard-college-students-say

And another one -- Gallifreya

"Look," said the proud architect. "It's the perfect sealed environment. Everything anyone could need, including weather systems to strengthen the trees[1]. I thought of everything. Water purification and recycling, food manufacture. I even created a system that eliminates pathogens in the waste recycling system and removes all risks of infections. There's more than adequate space for everyone, lounges and personal space, shared space. Look. There's even a cinema!"

Director

Read more »

Challenge #01154-C057: One Ambitious Training Session on Amalgam Station

http://this-book-has-been-loved.tumblr.com/post/139007622507/things-ive-actually-heard-college-students-say

pick one -- Gallifreya

[AN: Only one? They're all gold!]

It was a minor Ambassadorial meet and greet session, allegedly concerning negotiations to stop the Greater Deregulations from being such massive collections of feces towards their fellow human being.

Not acting like massive collections of feces towards non-human cogniscents was going to take significantly more time and effort.

Laws and regulations were not really working. The most the Deregulations would do was show lip service

Read more »

Challenge #01148-C051: Filling in Time

Channeling Bugs Bunny (maybe Shayde?): "I know this breaks the laws of physics, but you see I never studied law." -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Yes, Shayde did study the laws of physics, but she also found some loopholes]

They were waiting for the dust to settle and Security had already confiscated Shayde's guitar. Possibly out of self-defence. Which meant a series of increasingly unlikely self-entertainments that she pulled out of her trans-dimensional 'pockets'.

One day, Rael supposed, they would learn that Shayde was

Read more »

Challenge #01143-C046: Can it, Carol!

"Hmph. I'll have you know, that whole thing is just a horrid example of misinformation."

"You're basically a two-meter-tall mantis from our perspective. Humans assuming you devoured your mate was kinda to be expected... namely since, uh, you did."

"Well, yes... but not before he was dead! We do have laws, you know. Such is our way for those who are gone. Your kind just throws them in a dirty hole to rot or burns them to ash. How wasteful." -- Gallifreya

Read more »

Challenge #01138-C041: All Things Spadge

Some of the nicknames make sense - their name sounds a little like that word and a slip of the tongue gives them a moniker for life.

But how the heck did nicknames like (RL example) Spadge happen? --Gallifreya

[AN: Dunno how it happened to your friend, but...]

The new crewmember had a special word. A word for all things. A word that could mean all things. And after a week of hearing things like:

"This is complete Spadge."

"I love

Read more »

Challenge #01137-C040: Special Education

The routine butchering of names by various species that have trouble with minor inflections in other languages which inevitably results in silly nicknames - T'reka > Trekker, for instance, or to borrow from another author, Usze > Uzi and N'tho > Nitro -- Gallifreya

Names are important. Across the Gallactic Alliance, all cogniscent beings had a string of sounds or signals that meant 'this is me'. And some... could get quite picky about it.

"Ra-el," said Rael.

"Rail," said the human.

"Ra-el," said Rael.

"Ray

Read more »

Challenge #01121-C024: Humans Are Space Orcs

A couple of case studies that had managed to be kept away from the general galactic knowledge pool (except under specific licensing and non-disclosure contracts) come to light - the cases of Phineas Gage, James Brady, Ahad Israfil and others that have suffered massive head injuries and made practically full recoveries, despite the loss of large amounts of brain. (And often despite the lack of medical care of the time - Phineas's accident was in the 1820s)

(Warning for Ahad, pictures from

Read more »

Challenge #01120-C023: Irreconcilably Different

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/137972037479/songofsunset-fireandwonder-songofsunset -- Gallifreya

[AN: I know for a fact that there's a really bizarre bug out there. Its young can only eat this super-rare fungal growth, and they solve the problem of making more babies by having one larva gestate like a billion more larvae inside it as it eats. I can't find the name of the thing for life of me. I know David Attenborough talked about it, but that still leaves a lot of

Read more »

Challenge #01112-C015: Performance Piece

A scrap of data is recovered. Death's Belief Speech, from Hogfather. Doesn't matter if it's the book or the movie.

For those who haven't read it, a clip from the movie is here.

Not as anything unique to humanity, but rather as a comment on Sophonts as a whole, from a human who would have very much liked to meet the rest of the universe. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: I would also love to meet the rest of the universe, but I have

Read more »

Challenge #01111-C014: To be Good Parents

Speaking of created peoples - whether biology or technology-based - and whether they can be trusted/will rebel/will have morals/all the standard concerns:

"If we do our jobs right, our children are better people than we are." -- RecklessPrudence

The station officials had cleared out a medbay for the anxious parents. A standard Medik and a Wave of the Future Medtech stood by. Patient and implacable.

It was one thing to be first-time parents. It was an entirely different level

Read more »

Challenge #01106-C009: Once More, Into the Brig...

"It's a thrilling tale of a dried apricot, four bags of flour, and a torch." -- Gallifreya

Ax'and'l blinked very slowly. It was telling that he was getting used to these levels of crap. And if he let on, he knew that Hwell would only invent new and more interesting levels of crap.

"Save it for getting free drinks at the bars, and even then, I'm letting it known about your capacity limit." He sighed and turned to the Security Guard. "What's

Read more »

Challenge #01095-B363: But What Does it Mean?

Another sentence for SPoE(n): “Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.” And other words that exemplify the "superiority" and "purity" of English: http://mentalfloss.com/article/57032/25-words-are-their-own-opposites -- RecklessPrudence

They had given Shayde a piece of paper preserved under glass. In a special room with careful lighting. Between the half-words on either side, an innocuous sentence.

Because of the agency’s oversight, the corporation’s behavior was sanctioned.

It was news print. The other side

Read more »