Amalgam Universe

Challenge #01481-D020: Carry the Light

'I don’t want my life to imitate art, I want it to be art." - Carrie Fisher -- RecklessPrudence

Auntie Mame is famous for saying, "Life is a smorgasbord, and most poor souls are starving to death." But even she would believe that Taerl Vincetti was taking things a bit too far.

She could have been the living embodiment of vanity, were it not for her belief that her life was a performance piece for all who happened to be in her audience. Her life was her work, and her body was simultaneously a canvas and a tool for display. She expected nothing, and gained everything.

Taerl was not as rail-thin as one might imagine of such a performer. She danced, she created, she lived in art, and so she kept her body fit. Not thin, not fat, but fit. She maintained her body with a strict regimen of diet and exercise. And, once a year, she would add to the artwork on her skin.

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Challenge #01480-D019: Facing Doubt

"Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow." — Carrie Fisher on pursuing dreams despite mental illness -- RecklessPrudence

Rael woke from his haze. His body hurt. That meant that the surgery had gone ahead. In lieu of recovering in an Intensive Care Patient Drawer[1], he and his warming tank were in a dimly-lit shelf in Medik Central. A young

Challenge #01476-D015: Historical Hysterical First

the madness has begun -- MaxMundan

The Tri'li'ol had heard the news. Having a human aboard a vessel, especially a vessel in uncharted regions of space, was good luck. Even though they were Deathworlders, they were a statistical anomaly. They would pack-bond with the crew, adjust their interactions for the benefit of others, and generally behave themselves. And if one human aboard a vessel was good luck, then more had to be better.

And it worked. For a short time.

Nobody else

Challenge #01474-D013: Stranded on a Hostile Planet

2157 A.D.

Captain’s Log: Alpha-Foxtrot-Lima - 1129.

It’s been 63 days and they have yet to realise that I am not one of them. -- Here-is-the-Story

This only shows that my disguise is effective, and my camouflage as well. These Deathworlders have no idea that I am not one of their species. This is well and good. As a pre-spaceflight civilisation, I have seen what they do to each other for the most trivial reasons. They are not ready

Challenge #01468-D007: Beware of Storytellers

“The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee.” - Terry Pratchett (GNU) -- RecklessPrudence

What's most impressive about humans, besides their patented unkillability, is their propensity for stories. Stories encompass their lives. They explain their past with stories. Foretell the future with stories...

They even seek evidence to

Challenge #01467-D006: Surrender Now, or... What?

:In front of a delegation from [Bad Guy], facetiously:

"Commander [Good Guy]? Do you have any idea where the [Bad Guy]'s Military is? They seem to have misplaced it. And do you smell something burning?" -- RecklessPrudence

Of course, it was a metaphor. The humans were irritatingly rife with them. Smell could no more travel through the gulfs of space than sound could transmit through vacuum. Nevertheless, they were also irritatingly good at inventing means of transmitting information at ludicrously faster

Challenge #01465-D004: The Wrong Question

English is... well... it's a Germanic language where sixty percent of it is based on Latin. That should tell you everything you need to know about how awful a language English is. -- RecklessPrudence

The current meeting of the Society for the Preservation of Original English wound to a cold halt. "Who let the linguist in?" demanded someone in the assembly hall.

"Uh," said the unexpected linguist. "This isn't a language study group?"

The Chair-being took a deep breath. "This is the

Challenge #01464-D003: Dammit Dwayne!

Always remember, no matter where you are, no matter when you are, someone out there is intent on being the reason we can't have nice things. -- RecklessPrudence

Through all of time and all of space, there's always one of Them. You know Them. They're always cheerfully helpful and a beat behind everyone else's drum. They mean well, which is the most damnable of faint praise. Their heart's in the right place, people say. It's the elbows, knees and ankles you have

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Motto of a Uni in a world where Humans are Doc Brown (doesn't necessarily have to be a human-run uni): Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. -- RecklessPrudence

All things considered, it is a great boon to the universe that Terrans have never been able to read Golq'ethin. Otherwise, when bright-eyed and enthusiastic future engineers of all flavours entered the decorative gates, they'd have read, Zoq'in University, Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. But they could not begin to unriddle

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

A [Human science ship] is basically a prickly little echidna going through space wearing a mortarboard. It just wants to science. If you stop it sciencing, it can survive you kicking it, hurt the foot that you were foolish enough to use to kick it, and call for help from the other, decidedly LESS peaceful ships Humanity has to offer. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are dangerous. Everyone knows this. The preferred method of interacting with humans, for the longest time, was simply two

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Left to my own devices, I am not very aggressive. But if you give me a small helpless person to defend I will conquer small European nations in their name. -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things one should never, ever do in Galactic Society. You do not comment negatively about any other cogniscent's appearance. You do not engage a gravity drive in hyperspace. And you do not, under any circumstances, threaten a human's charge if that guarded body is a small, fragile

Challenge #01457-C362: One Exasperating Late Evening in a Recovery Room

"Do you want to explain why you caused mass hysteria and almost created a national incident?"

"You know these things happen when I'm left alone." -- OohLookShiny

"Hwell," sighed Ax'and'l. It was an old sigh. The kind of sigh that had put up with enough crap to make a rocky giant planetoid out of it. "I told you to mind the cargo..."

"And I did. I was. Honest," said Hwell. "I only stepped away t' help this wee lass--"

Ax'and'l moaned automatically.

Challenge #01456-C361: One Muddled Mid-morning in a Mystery Vessel

"Do you want to know how I can tell this is a terrible idea?"

"...how?"

"I'm being the voice of reason!" -- OohLookShiny

(Image source) (Artist)

The assembled cogniscents spared a moment to regard Ambassador Shayde. Widely regarded as the specific embodiment of human insanity. They then looked to each other as if daring someone to say, How did we get so far astray?

"As th' great Montgomery Scott said, Ye cannae change the laws o' physics," insisted Shayde. "Well. Unless ye

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

The Irwin character and their adventures on Earth -- Anon Guest

[AN: once again, pre-yule shopping took me away from doing this]

"Now in most areas of human habitation, the goal is to cover as much of the body as possible. But here--" images of Surfer's Paradise, "--the rules are turned upside-down. Unless you're one of these blokes," images of surfers in their full-body surf suits. "Their vibrant colours tell the sharks that live in the water that they're not good to

Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human

An alien naturalist, performing a David Attenborough-style documentary on Earth.

Potential sequel: As above, but replace "David Attenborough" with "Steve Irwin". -- Shkspr1048

[AN: Sorry I'm so late, dear readers. Yulemas shopping spree]

"And this... is the average human population density of the planet Terra." The image showed the interior of a shopping mall on a slow hour. Humans populous enough to get in each others' way if they were determined to do so, but not enough to be in each others'

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A 2290-post collection

Challenge #01481-D020: Carry the Light

Challenge #01480-D019: Facing Doubt

Challenge #01476-D015: Historical Hysterical First

Challenge #01474-D013: Stranded on a Hostile Planet

Challenge #01468-D007: Beware of Storytellers

Challenge #01467-D006: Surrender Now, or... What?

Challenge #01465-D004: The Wrong Question

Challenge #01464-D003: Dammit Dwayne!

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Challenge #01457-C362: One Exasperating Late Evening in a Recovery Room

Challenge #01456-C361: One Muddled Mid-morning in a Mystery Vessel

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

Challenge #01453-C358: The Urban Human