Amalgam Universe

A 2338-post collection

Challenge #01552-D091: A Lesson to Learn

Something from a non-human perspective about the deaths-per-terawatt-hour rates of various power sources in the early 21st century [source #1, #2, update of #1], and the irrationality of pushing for more coal over renewables (cough cough current Australian government), or literally anything over nuclear - even without fusion - please?

...especially when you take into account that living within 50 miles of a coal-fired plant exposes you to over three times as much ionising radiation per year as living within the same distance of a nuclear plant? [source] -- RecklessPrudence

From Humanity: A History by Grolrax F'tizzle...

Humans are very fond of their own inventions. Proof of this is their adoration of the invention of fire, before recorded history. This is despite evidence that starting fires voluntarily has been discovered independently in several different areas at several different times. In the early periods of human development, humans did not go far from setting things on fire to derive light and energy for their environmental tailoring.

Even into the dawn of their technology age, during the time when their species was taking its baby steps into space travel, most of the population was deriving energy from burning things. Their chief and most popular combustive agent at this time was petrified remnants of dead peat swamps, commonly called 'coal'. The other was the compressed and heated remains of pre-historic animal fats, commonly called 'oil'. Terrans burning both of these agents took some time to recognise that the combustion byproducts were toxic, and even longer to reduce the toxic emissions.

Primitive humans are very averse to loss of perceived profit. When confronted with a sensible choice or money, primitive humans would much prefer money.

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Challenge #01551-D090: Case Studies in Strangeness

(A scientist's notes while monitoring a human's thoughts)

While trying to focus, the subject held an intense discussion with itself berating itself to focus.

If the scans are anything to go by, it has not enabled the desired effect. -- RecklessPrudence

Everyone knows that humans are insane. The extent of that insanity and the resultant dysfunctions have yet to be completely mapped. Which is why the Centre For Human Studies exist. Sometimes, people are so desperate to know what's wrong with them

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Challenge #01550-D089: Inspired Desperation

This is dumb, like dosing Tasmanian Devils with meth and then stuffing them down your pants dumb. -- RecklessPrudence

"So let me get this straight," said B'tiz. Who clearly thought that ze was in error. "You are building a catapult to literally throw yourself at the enemy ship, where you will somehow infiltrate and then suborn one of their vessels, rescue me, and leave them stranded on this micro-planet."

"Trebuchet, but yes. That's the gist of it. Trebuchet's are easier to make.

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Challenge #01549-D088: Reminiscing

How do you know I was cursing at you back then, love? You didn't speak my language yet, and I doubt you remember exactly what I said. For all you know I was paying you lots of loud, angry compliments. -grin- -- RecklessPrudence

"You forget," said Pal. "My livesuit was recording everything. I got a full translation in time, and you were cursing me out for everything under the sky."

T'tin was taken aback. "You knew what I was calling you, and

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Challenge #01548-D087: The Good Word

We all know "Abracadabra," or, "Hocus Pocus," and sometimes, "Just Like That! Just Like That!" Then of course there's, "Please," "Excuse Me," and, "Thank You," which might stop you getting hit by someone. -- Knitnan

There was one door in the Vault that had not been opened. The SPOEns had been at it for almost a year. And it wasn't often that Shayde took her Ambassadorial Yacht anywhere at all, because she didn't like to travel without Rael by her side. And

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Challenge #01547-D086: Custom Made Babies

"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other." -- RecklessPrudence

"All I'm saying is that a certain amount of strengths are needed in the human genetic structure," argued Doctor Vardian. "My plan was to eliminate genetic disorders. Not... what has happened."

"Purity is more important than anything else," shouted the skinhead in the gallery. "We need to separate ourselves from the filth that has come to

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Challenge #01543-D082: No More Tea!

"What are They doing here?" he pointed to a pile of colourful objects.

"Oh, the Tea Cosies, we find them very handy in the Experimental Maths Lab."

Kudos for referencing The Goodies, "I'm a Tea pot! I'm a Tea pot" meltdowns. -- Anon Guest

"People actually go mad and think they're tea pots?" said Kerl. "That happens?"

"Not... quite," allowed Mars, who was the head of the department. "Have you any understanding of five-dimensional math?"

"I don't think five people alive have

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Challenge #01540-D079: What Do You Mean, 'Mostly Harmless'?

Before we made contact, humans were considered a myth, the Galactic Governments greatest hoax. No one species could possibly be THAT insane.

It's very stressful for the rest of the Galaxy when they discover humans are indeed real, and just as insane as they'd heard. -- Anon Guest

Everyone in the Galactic Alliance knew the stories that spacers told of humans. Near misses. Close encounters. Abductions. Scouts told stories of dead worlds where relics of these peculiar, hairless, bipedal mammals had once

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Challenge #01539-D078: Strangely Met

The world's reaction when a ship looking a lot like a vaguely aerodynamic brick lands at Cape Canaveral, looking for some fresh fruit & veg ("Reconstituted is good, but fresh is always better"), a top-up on hydrogen for their fusion reactor ("Haven't seen a depot for twelve jumps, and my magscoop's on the blink again - old damage from some pirates, probably should replace it"), a repair tech for said magscoop ("Got anyone qualified in Grade As? It's a Lurrkon Class Three,

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Challenge #01537-D076: No Place Like It

It was a Trucker's Drinking Hole, beer on tap and lachrymose songs on the Juke Box. It didn't matter that 16 wheelers were replaced by space haulers, some things never changed. -- Anon Guest

After months of monotony, hauling whatever the cargo was, even an AI would crave variety from the humdrum. And this place was the one-stop shop. Inebriants for those on rest cycle. Stimulants for those just stopping by. The inevitable tones of Cryin' Joe Bardnaw on the jukebox, jukebox

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Challenge #01535-D074: Action and Consequence

There is a minor but critical distinction between being right and being not wrong. -- RecklessPrudence

Someone had graffitied a museum's promotional poster. The poster, being about a dinosaur exhibit, featured the ever-popular T-Rex. The graffito read, He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken![1]

There was no need to arrest the offending graffiti artist because the local paleontological fans had already corralled them and were having a Well-Actually contest. Lyr hung back and observed, just in case things got

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Challenge #01533-D072: Sufficiently Confusing Circuitry

The Magic/More Magic switch. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

Rael, fresh into independant JOATing, stared at the switch on the homebrew cabinet. A human had to have made this. The pencilled annotation on the toggle switch had two options. Magic and More Magic. Experimentally, he flipped the switch to More Magic and rebooted the kludge of a machine.

It worked perfectly.

Rael was not content to receive a handful of Seconds for this much work, and took the outer casing off to

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Challenge #01530-D069: Wit of the Ages

Stuff found written on walls. -- Knitnan

Corridor 3278B had been marked as a Paradox Hazard by the local representatives of the AI Alliance, thus causing something of a traffic snarl in the adjacent byways. Since she was in the neighbourhood, Officer Lyr Marken investigated, reading everything there that was still legible.

She found it easily. Beautiful, artistic script that read, Everyone writes on walls except me!

Lyr instantly went for the first suspect, dialling up Ambassador Shayde's personal comms. "Ambassador Shayde

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Challenge #01529-D068: Crisis in the Wee Small Hours

You'd be surprised who you find in your family tree. -- Knitnan

Rael had not expected his genes to turn up in any of the current series of released Faiize infants. The one currently in its relaxation tank was, according to the gene scan, twenty-five percent his. Kint, the primary genetic contributor, had a whopping sixty-three percent of his personal genome involved.

There was a small community of sudden parentals, lost without a manual, working out how to parent a Faiize without

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Challenge #01526-D065: Goods and Services

Oh fuck that noise, screw that sound, hump that harmonic, bang that bass, fornicate with that frequency and fuck me! -- RecklessPrudence

In all of Galactic Society, the most alarming feature to most human societies is the simple fact that sex work and mental therapy have homogenised into a harmonious whole. Humans have had an interesting relationship with the mechanics of their own reproduction and, despite some centuries af adjustment, are still hung up about it.

Case in point, most of the

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