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Amalgam Universe

A 2348-post collection

Challenge #01810-D349: Who's A Pretty Boy?

Aliens vs (Talkative) Parrots -- TheDragonsBlaze

It had to be a human ship. Ugly. Functional. Battle-scarred and pitted with a million micrometeor impacts. But there was frozen precipitation and high winds incoming. Nothing could survive it better than a Deathworlder ship. So Tikkotz scurried inside and hoped that the human would be benevolent.

It was a huge space. Mostly made of metal, but there were softer areas. Seating. Bedding. Hangings, for some reason. There was no trace of the human, beyond that which they had left behind. And an avian sitting calmly on a perch. Actively in the process of destroying a nut.

"Fuk dis shit," said the avian. "Shaddup, Cocky."

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Challenge #01809-D348: Uncanny Interaction

We like talking to inanimate objects so much, we've started making the technology for inanimate objects to talk back. -- TheDragonsFlame

People are well known for talking to their Roombas. Technology so stupid that it doesn't know where it's been, and can barely detect when it's trapped. Never before has a single, real world device trained intelligent beings to respond to a string of musical beeps.

And after a while, customers blogged about their Stupid Roomba Tricks. Comments like, "Mine just loves

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Challenge #01808-D347: In Her Hands

Those wonderful Parental Moments that begin with the "Ah! Um! Mum! Dad!" -- Anon Guest

"I... can probably explain."

"I have all day," said Lyr Marken, Security Sub-Chief for the Elemeno JOAT quarter. "And let me remind you that I am a level six precog and I foresaw this, so. Let me just give you some time to think up a plausible lie."

Elaise took a deep breath. Thought of lying, and just surrendered to telling the truth. "Okay, so there's this

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Challenge #01804-D343: One Confusing Afternoon Over Mocktails at Nik's

aliens learn about the dangers of human psychopaths and other mentally ill humans -- Anon Guest

[AN: Speaking as someone who is mentally ill -ASD+Anxiety- I personally find this kind of prompt offensive as fuck. Please knock it off, Nonny]

"So these people profited off those they considered Other," said Forfax, trying to get a grip on this particular human's explanation.

"Oh aye," said the Ambassador. "They had loads o' ways."

"And then they called these Othered people lazy and insisted

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Challenge #01803-D342: Emergency Haul

The humans seem to enjoy the challenge of limited capacity. For everything. Safety is much less of a priority than maximisation, and any suggestion otherwise is considered downright offensive to the humans.

It’s been a long time since humans have been allowed in charge of logistics. -- Anon Guest

"You know, if we push it, load up every cubic milli-du[1], we can get two thou' out of the disaster area. You know. Minimum essentials. Stack up the folks like cordwood.

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Challenge #01802-D341: Communication Breakdown

Aliens who don't realise the importance of body language -- TheDragonsFlame

Humans are especially hard to understand, according to some species. Humans have traditions like ablaut reduplication and repetitious emphasis which make the words, "Like, like-like like," a valid portion of an explanation. And then there's the fact that they use their manipulating limbs to express themselves.

It was one of the finer points that the Cho'mago missed during their first few encounters with Humans. They were an insectoid species and, since

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Challenge #01801-D340: According to Plan

> Phase 1 of our plan is complete... the internet is ours!
--The Cats -- TheDragonsFlame

Everyone who knows cats believes that they are smarter than they let on. At least until their cat(s) do something demented or scatterbrained and the belief starts to have shaky grounding. Cats do this on purpose. To allay suspicions. And they leave for days on end to report to their central office. To be sure that everything is going to plan.

Unfortunately for them, their plan

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Challenge #01800-D339: Your Average Away Mission

In which the active camouflage used by one species may not work on another. -- TheDragonsFlame

"The heck is this?" said the ship's human, LtCmdr Abel Jain. It rustled as ze waved it around.

"Essential equipment," said M'koi. "This is hostile territory and a pre-travel civilisation. We can't allow ourselves to be detected." He demonstrated his next words. "Wrap it around you and hunker down and you're indistinguishable from a rock."

"Apart from being bright green and noticeably fake, shyeah," said Jain.

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Challenge #01799-D338: Jury's Still Out

Fun fact: Cats meow only to communicate with humans (exception: kittens) -- TheDragonsFlame

Most of the Galactic citizenry are not certain about the cogniscence levels of cats. They're on the lowest boundary of mass for hosting a cogniscent mind. They show capacity for creative problem solving. They can learn procedures, so long as they are sufficiently motivated. They show signs of social strata, co-operation, and means of communication. They even attempt communication with non-felines.

They don't meow past kittenhood, unless they are

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Challenge #01797-D336: Permanent Record

Make up a new character (or use one you’ve already created) and describe them only with documents like their shopping list, the main points of their divorce papers, their apartment lease, their recent Amazon purchases, and so on. Say as much as you can about the character without actually directly describing them. -- Illuminate-Prompts

[AN: My main site is down so I can't access my usual prompt feed. Thanks for your patience with me]

Dear Diary,

This is it. This is

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Challenge #01796-D335: Freedom of Choice

Humans' ability to fight on a microscopic level is widely known throughout the Galactic Alliance. They call it their “Immune System.” But it comes as a shock to their allies that the humans readily seek out microscopic organisms to strengthen their Immune Systems. Probiotics. Apparently de-activated viruses known to be deadly. -- Anon Guest

Humans are toxic. Their skin contains microbiota that many Havenworlders find to be deadly. Some of their allegedly harmless skin diseases have become the accidental ruin of worlds.

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Challenge #01796-D335: Freedom of Choice

Humans' ability to fight on a microscopic level is widely known throughout the Galactic Alliance. They call it their “Immune System.” But it comes as a shock to their allies that the humans readily seek out microscopic organisms to strengthen their Immune Systems. Probiotics. Apparently de-activated viruses known to be deadly. -- Anon Guest

Humans are toxic. Their skin contains microbiota that many Havenworlders find to be deadly. Some of their allegedly harmless skin diseases have become the accidental ruin of worlds.

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Challenge #01795-D334: From the Wikipedia Galactica

Humans have been in space for awhile. No-one’s keeping track of the “breeding program” but a new problem has been discovered: human offspring mid-way to maturity. The most dangerous humans of them all. -- Anon Guest

It seemed impossible. There was a stage in human development when the entire species had the maximum amount of physical condition and the minimum amount of foresight and discrimination. And worse, they were often thrust into adult classification whilst also at that stage.

Many species

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Challenge #01790-D329: We Know It Ain't Friendly

Biologically aquatic-capable aliens are stunned that we haven’t explored the deepest parts of our oceans, so they volunteer to go down and see what’s going on down there. And as per deathworld standards, what’s down there’s terrifying—even to us. -- TheDragonsFlame

"You really don't want to do that," the humans insisted. "We've been down there a few times, and that was plenty for us."

The Trraka, a race of highly intelligent cephalopods, scoffed at this. It was

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Challenge #01789-D328: Integration Contemplation

A pair/group of Numidids discuss their thoughts/opinions/views on humans when there are no humans around. -- TheDragonsFlame

They were at the uppermost branches of a sky-raker tree that overlooked the human settlement of Wiwazheer. The first Terran city to share a planet with Havenworlders. Of course, when they built it, they had no idea. Neither the Humans nor the Numidid had any idea that they had started colonising opposite ends of the planet simultaneously.

"They are loud," said a

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