Amalgam Universe

Challenge #01759-D298: Hazardous Associations

An unknowing (group of) alien(s) tries to take a human as a pet, thinking ‘It’s small and cool-looking.’ Problem is, Humans are to them as velociraptors are to humans. -- TheDragonsFlame

It was quadrupedal and had no bowel control. It had to be an animal. That was the reasoning that lead to Heatstone becoming a pet in the first place. Cho'nish frequently bragged to her friends that Heatstone was a rescue pet. They had hir in simply terrible conditions. And the training was going so well. It was so cute. Heatstone thought ze was people.

Ze was such a cuddler. Which was great when the nest heater failed. Heck, they saved so much on the power bill. Just snuggle up to Heatstone on the awful, chilly, stormy days. But it was weird, Cho'nish said. Heatstone was starting to imitate her. Walking on two legs. Doing hir business in the bio-pit. Ze was even... babbling.

Heatstone was such a curious pet, too. Into everything. Cho'nish had to make locks for the storage arenas where the hazardous things were. And she had to put guards on all the power outlets. But all the other maintenance tasks were so... enjoyable. And Heatstone keeps... growing.

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Challenge #01755-D294: Cut the Glorx Wire

"Have you ever disarmed one of these before?"

"Meh. How hard could it be?" -- Bard2DBone

The strange symbols were counting. That much was recognisable by the repeated sequences. And they seemed to be counting down, too. It was easy to connect the dots. Alien device that was likely counting down? Rising ominous hum? Things were going south quickly.

Therefore, it was time to deploy the human.

Human Shaniqua sighed and placed herself down by the device. There were her usual rituals.

Challenge #01747-D286: Stop Me if You've Heard This One

"Okay, this might be scary so if you need some time to prepare-"

"Jokes on you I'm terrified a hundred percent of the time anyway!" -- OohLookShiny

A Havenworlder and a Deathworlder walk into a bar...

So very many jokes start this way, including the off-colour one that also included cogniphagia. But this time, it was reality. The Havenworlder was in their livesuit and tucked under the arm of the deathworlder. A big, burly, brick of a human.

The worst kind.

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Challenge #01745-D284: Wolf by the Fireplace

How about alien species who don't realize we're allegedly the dominant species on the planet? Maybe they value empathy more than intelligence, which would make dogs the most likely contender for dominant life form. -- Bard2DBone

When humanity met the Fressik, there was some evident confusion and quite a lot of debate. They had crashed on a colony world, and hit some large buildings, so the rescue teams had the rescue dogs with them. The smaller ones worked their way through the

Challenge #01742-D281: Certain Signs of Doom

When a human is running scared, drop everything and run away with them. -- Anon Guest

Humans get many jobs, all across the outskirts of the Galactic Alliance. In the Fringe Territories, laws are enforced based entirely on how useful they are to follow. As civilisation creeps in, the humans creep out before they become the tolerated exception. That's the thing about fringes and frontiers. There's always more of them.

Here on the edge, overlooking a large and ancient Sargasso, is Bodgy

Challenge #01740-D279: Too Close an Encounter

It seemed like I might have dodged a bullet. Now all I had to do was avoid all the rest. -- RecklessPrudence

To be honest, I didn't know I'd blundered into a land war until the moon behind me went up into shrapnel. I'd dodged one bullet by accident. Well. Missile. Now I had to dodge the shrapnel from an exploding moon. Getting away from the big boom helped my chances a lot.

And then I saw the fleet. They had a

Challenge #01739-D278: A Lesson For All

(At an AI's sudden assimilation of a tech base and IMMEDIATE commencement of combinatorial synthesis): Fuckin' bullshit, man.

(In response): Hey if they're going to leave tech specs out where the sufficiently advanced AI can get a hold of them, it's their own fault. -- RecklessPrudence

They called the AI Amoeba, for her abilities, but she preferred Amy. It was her job as part of the combat process to take over enemy facilities and seize all intel and hardware. She liked her

Challenge #01732-D271: Ageing Ungracefully

Still, working on their manners ... I don't know if there are any etiquette schools around known space who take enrollments from intelligent battleships. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans love war. It is a well-known fact. In their early history, they would war with opposing factions of humans, different coloured humans, and, in a large swathe of history covering the pre-Shattering period, nouns. They don't often talk about the war they lost against emus, though.

Given their love of war, it was no surprise that

Challenge #01730-D269: Comeback

Deep fried Mars Bar. The dreaded chip buttie (fries on a buttered bun), Floater (Aussie effort: Meat pie floating in pea soup). -- KnitNan

"I've been everywhere," said Shayde, mis-estimating the size of the station by cubic klicks[1]. "Nobody around even knows what fries are an' I'm gaggin' fer a chip buttie."

Nik, overhearing this complaint to the universe at large, gestured her to come closer to his cooking station. "Tell me about these things you call 'fries' and the... chip

Challenge #01729-D268: Swap Met

The Amalgam equivalent of the combined Swap Meet and Car Boot Sale (of course there are no cars on Amalgam - tow trolleys?). -- Anon Guest

They were called Swap Shops, and they were scattered randomly. They tended to crop up in poorer areas and public service zones. It was where those who had the time to spare on pet projects dropped those projects off to exchange with whatever they desired. Edibles were kept in Stasis Lockers. Everything else was placed wherever

Challenge #01728-D267: 'Tis But a Scratch

"So, you're telling me that even if a human tried to kill himself by stabbing his head, he could be perfectly fine if the blade goes between the hemispheres of the brain without damaging anything ?"

"Yup, and I didn't talk about Phineas Gage, who got a large iron rod through the head and survived without some part of his brain, or the war veteran who survived a bullet through the heart. Even if we don't have exoskeleton, we are pretty resilient. This

Challenge #01725-D264: Blind Spot

"You can't just get lucky and expect everyone to treat you like an expert!"

"Why not? That's what you did?" -- Anon Guest

Ambassador Shayde glared at the junior aide. "I'm no' merely lucky," she said. "I got into the Ambassador gig by pure accident. Fer all that's happened, I could'a well had a knowledge base that missed everythin' the Archivaas ever had. I could'a been dismissed as a dangerous fraud if I'd never met th' Consortium o' Steam or no' known

Challenge #01719-D258: Near Lethal Combination

Finally, almost thirty-five minutes into their wait and seventeen minutes into [Responsible Authority Figure]'s scolding ([RAF's best friend, Shit-Stirrer] kept track; the record was thirty-four minutes, twenty-seven seconds, which [Shit-Stirrer] was ashamed to admit was on account of [much-less-responsible person RAF is mentoring in the ways of fighting both physical and magical, often compared to an excitable puppy] and masochistically determined to beat)... -- RecklessPrudence

If enthusiasm was light, Paxifraxx would be a pulsar. Deadly when aimed in the right direction,

Challenge #01718-D257: Where Angels Fear

[Name] is a professional adventurer/planet saver with extremely acute hearing. The other speaker is their much calmer and more logical, though not necessarily smarter, best friend)

[Name] buried the pillow over their head and groaned.

“I can’t tell if those are gunshots or fireworks,” they whined.

“Do not be silly, [Name]. Fireworks are illegal on this planet.” -- RecklessPrudence

There's a reason why Iman Goodboy spends most of her time in her livesuit. She could control how much of the

Challenge #01717-D256: Show of Faith

"Shhhhh." [Name] put a finger to both of their lips. "Let's just enjoy this. Things are going to be awful in a few hours, but right now I've tricked myself into thinking we can handle this. Let me bask in it." -- RecklessPrudence

The human had a mantra for everything that was going wrong. Human Steve was multitasking. Gathering and patching and applying gum and ductape as fast as their two hands could manage. The mantra was four words, "I can handle

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A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01759-D298: Hazardous Associations

Challenge #01755-D294: Cut the Glorx Wire

Challenge #01747-D286: Stop Me if You've Heard This One

Challenge #01745-D284: Wolf by the Fireplace

Challenge #01742-D281: Certain Signs of Doom

Challenge #01740-D279: Too Close an Encounter

Challenge #01739-D278: A Lesson For All

Challenge #01732-D271: Ageing Ungracefully

Challenge #01730-D269: Comeback

Challenge #01729-D268: Swap Met

Challenge #01728-D267: 'Tis But a Scratch

Challenge #01725-D264: Blind Spot

Challenge #01719-D258: Near Lethal Combination

Challenge #01718-D257: Where Angels Fear

Challenge #01717-D256: Show of Faith