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Amalgam Universe

A 2337-post collection

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

“You’re fired from the War. In fact, you’re entire adrenaline-crazy species is fired from the War!”

“Umm... I don’t think that’s how that works.” -- Anon Guest

"Breach of contract," howled Admiral Nagisok. "I've been criminally mislead. You were supposed to excel at war."

"Yeah, we do," said Human Sam.

"LIES!" Nagisok pointed out to the battle map, where thousands of points of light were blinking on and off. "You've made this war far worse than it ever had to be. You're fired."

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Challenge #02105-E282: Iconography

Scholars of the Galactic Alliance study ancient human gods; the likes of Apollo, Coyote, Mr. Rogers, Bob Ross, and Ronald McDonald. -- shkspr1048

"The changing roles of icons in culture is a fascinating process. Take this fellow," a picture of Apollo. "A figure from ancient Terran culture. He has been, at various times, the God of music, truth, prophecy, the sun, light, plague, and poetry. The Greeks and the Romans alike got things confused for a while, of course. After he faded

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Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Human: "Now you're thinking like a human!"

Alien: Internally screaming -- Anon Guest

"No. I didn't-- I'm not-- I don't-- That was sarcasm, Human Jae..."

Human Jae looked briefly alarmed, "And that was a joke, Joyse. I was kidding."

Joyse breathed again. "Good. The last thing I want is to discover that Human Insanity is contagious. Please keep your joking to a minimum in this endeavour, thank you."

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Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Humans introduce aliens to cosmetics, not all would go in their original place. -- Knitnan

Humans are well known to be attracted to shiny things. This eventually resulted in Humans making themselves shiny in order to attract mates. Jewellery is an almost universal concept, though not always universal in execution. Makeup, on the other hand, is not as universal as one might expect.

"So... you apply paint to your exterior to look more attractive?"

"Getting closer," said Human Jaz. "We call it

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Challenge #02102-E278: Faint Praise

"Now look, you 'orrible little bastard, this is the last time I'm going to tell you: no more low gravity rugby in the cargo holds!" -- Anon Guest

"It's not like there's a lot of room to play it anywhere else," protested Human Dave.

"That," said Freighter Captain Jokk, "is not the problem, here. The problem here is you destabilizing my cargo hold with your horseplay."

"How can it be unstable? It's nul-grav. There's no balance to be had in zero gee.

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Challenge #02101-E277: Not Dead Yet

humans are hypersensitive to the smell of fresh water, hence why we can smell storms coming. It's so sensitive that we can smell water better than most dogs -- Anon Guest

The Human origin world, Earth to some, Terra to most, has a surface that is over seventy percent water. Thus, it is surprising to most that Humans can detect it. With land in such relative scarcity, most Galactic Citizens assume that finding good soil would be a better priority.

It's a

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Challenge #02099-E275: Important Criteria

"Ok guys, for this little crisis I'll need [huge lion-like deathworlder] and [humanoid havenworlder] to stay back and help Sgt Jeanne taking care of the child escapee that we saved from those abductors, while I and the other help remind our "friends" why it's a bad idea to try to eat other's children."

"But... I'm a warrior !"

"First, it will be indoor combat in a really humid space, that's not your forte. Second, if some of them escape us and reach the

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Challenge #02096-E272: Empty Perfection

A group of colonists find an abandoned city, complete with canals, solar power, etc, with only one problem -- no people -- Anon Guest

The team Human had baulked before they entered the city limits. Just looking at the city had made Human Rese go back for their highest grade livesuit. Humans had an over-the-horizon radar for trouble, so the rest of the team -ha- followed suit. Progress into the actual city was slow and careful. Passive scans only. Checking every path

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Challenge #02094-E270: One of THOSE Customers

"I have one nerve left, and you're dancing on it with ice-skates on!" -- Anon Guest

It was supposed to be a five minute job. A simple reconfigure for someone new to this particular level of technology. It sounded simple on the request ticket. The first warning sign was his own pondering as to why such a nice old lady would have so many warning markers on her name and address.

Surely, it couldn't be that much trouble to reconfigure one app.

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Challenge #02091-E267: Schrödinger's Bounty

"How did the cat get inside a locked cupboard?"

"It's an incomplete Schrödinger." -- Anon Guest

Krissk stared at his Human companion. "How is a thought experiment on the nature of the Uncertainty Principle at all related to the presence of a feline in a locked box with no other exits?"

Human Jan said, "It's because of the Uncertainty Principle that cats can teleport," with a completely straight face. "That's how they get into places and things that they physically should never

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Challenge #02090-E266: A Bond Cemented With Carbonic Acid

"I'm just joking!… Unless you're down for it." -- TheDragonsFlame

Evidently, Thrass had been contemplating too long. "I am still positing the logistics," she said. "I need time, please."

Human Josh quelled in her place. "Sorry."

Thrass and Human Josh had been through a great deal together. War, survival, relying on each other's strengths and supporting each other's weaknesses. They had really bonded on the long, exhausting, trying trip from the wreck of their ship to the relative safety of the Edge

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Challenge #02089-E265: Living Corbomite

"I don't know what is happening, but I don't like it"

"Why ?"

"The human is smiling" -- Anon Guest

One of their own writers said it the best: Never trust a creature that smiles all the time, they're up to something. And they were very, very correct. The most frequent portent of doom, next to phrases like, "Hold my beer," or "I think I know what I did wrong," is most definitely a Human smiling in a certain way for a period

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Challenge #02088-E264: Visual Aids

Just read and interesting science article about how Humans are actually Bioluminescent but we can't see it because our eyes are not sensitive enough.

How amazing would that look to aliens? Especially if it were different colours like the Naa'vi in Avatar -- Adam in Darwin

The most astonishing fact that the Scollarids learned about Humans was this: Humans can't see their own glow. These Deathworlders were on par with them when it came to surviving strategies. They did more with less,

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Challenge #02083-E259: Nonhostile Takeover

Their faces were caked with color, like they had heard of make up and tried to use it, but weren't quite sure what went where. -- OohLookShiny

This is space - theoretically, there's room for everyone. The only caveat is that most times, you have to build it. This is Ambassador Jess. She is negotiating with the owners of an otherwise boring asteroid so she can turn it into a semi-profitable habitat. This is the problem - the owners belong to Greater

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Challenge #02082-E258: Limited Universal Communication

what if memes are a totally human thing?

like we meet aliens and try to explain this cultural thing, and they have nothing to compare it to, they don't have self replicating cultural phenomena. -- Anon Guest

The Human tripped on their own feet, tumbled, but tucked and rolled and recovered their footing in one nearly smooth moment.

"Sweet flips," cheered a different Human.

"Got the moves like Jagger!" The initial Human did a weird series of gyrations, causing them to hurt

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