After all those dramas and documentaries about how terrifying they were, you’d think somewhere it would have been mentioned how surprisingly ineffective stabbing was against humans.
(“multiple stab wounds” is a critical but in a lot of cases not actually immediately life threatening situation unless one hits a major blood vessel or one of the more important organs. Survivors with over 100 have happened a few times)
Taken from the Lectures of Koq'riix the Human Slayer:
They call me the Human Slayer, but the truth is… I haven’t killed that many humans. What I have done is survive ten encounters with the beasts.
(gasps from the audience)
Yes, that seems amazing, but not one of you has any idea what huge amounts of effort it takes to kill a human. I only managed that once. I believe the specimen is still preserved in the Museum of Disturbing Things. Those with greater fortitude can go see the immense damage it took.
I stabbed that thing two hundred times and it still came after me. I broke most of its limbs. I broke its ribs. I broke its hands and feet. I tried to poison it with nitrous oxide and it just fell asleep. It wasn’t until I cut its neck to the bone… well… you’ll see if you go.
Humans are hard to kill.
If anyone has dreams of being a Human Slayer, I have one word of advice:
Don’t.
(murmurs)
But I do have some advice on how to avoid or stop humans. On how to get away.
First: Stay out of areas of space infested by humans. There’s maps for sale in the foyer that clearly indicate jumps down which humans are living. They also indicate areas in which humans can occasionally be found.
Second: If you encounter a human - run away. Get out of the area, get out of local-space, get to safety. If you’re quick, if you’re lucky… the human won’t pursue you.
Believe it or not, they have other interests than tracking us down and eating our flesh. Most of the time? A wild, lone human will go about their business and leave.
Third: If you are cornered, do not make any hostile moves. I’m about to play you some footage of a more common encounter with a human that I experienced while salvaging in the greater doldrums.
[The vid pickup from a helmet cam showed the viewer turning a corridor, and seeing a human in a space-suit turning the opposite corner. The human froze in space. Carefully put the thing it was carrying down, and showed empty hands]
This is a human submissive gesture. It’s showing me that it has no weapons. Not that it needs them. When I copied this gesture, the human gathered its belongings and backed away.
Needless to say, I didn’t stay in that derelict long.
Learn this gesture. Do your utmost to copy it. A human is remarkably capable of understanding that some cogniscents do not have the same range of motion as they do.
Hands open and empty. Held away from the body. Legs bent and apart. This shows the human you do not mean to harm them.
And there is no tool in the world that is worth taking if a human approaches.
Leave everything and get out.
Four: human space vehicles usually do not contain rotating segments. They have their own gravity field. How they manage this is a scientific mystery… but if you spot a human vehicle - you know to avoid that area.
Stay long enough to get its vectors, and that is all. Use those vectors to escape.
This is vital knowledge that you must all share for your safety. I offer it free, so that all may learn.
[Archivaas Note: Koq'riix also kept some disturbing footage to herself until the day of her passing. This follows]
A security feed from Koq'riix’s salvage ship. A far younger Koq'riix is sleeping soundly. A human wriggles through the airlock and, crouching, makes its way through passages too small for it to move comfortably. It is carrying a tool clearly made for Koq'riix’s species.
It finds Koq'riix and lays down the tool in the middle of the floor. Then it takes out a small, coloured rectangle and puts it on top. The human retreats and leaves without any further action.
[Archivaas Note: The rectangle is a two-dimensional image of the specimen in the Museum of Disturbing Things, and another human. The writing on the obverse side has yet to be translated.]
[Archivaas Addendum +250 Standard Years: The writing reads, I forgive you. The remains of the human have been repatriated to his home-planet and interred with his wife.]
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