"HOW IS SUMMONING THE GOD-BIRD Of LIGHTNING STEALTHY!?" -- RecklessPrudence
The Cleric stopped in mid-chant. "Excuse you, but The Mighty Thunderbird is a master or mistress of the sneak attack. They glide silently, like a cloud, until they strike."
"But--"
"Their attacks are swift and, by the time the enemy looks, they are no longer there. Trust me. If you want an army annihilated, the all-powerful and Mighty Thunderbird is going to smite them thoroughly. All Glory."
There was a stunned silence around the table.
"I can buy that logic," said the DM. They brought out the D100. It rolled a five. "An insignificant portion of the enemy will detect the approach of your god." Another roll. A ten. "And a slightly larger portion will actually recognise the attack as an attack once it starts."
The cleric rolled for Summon Divinity.
A natural twenty.
"The full might of the Mighty Thunderbird is unleashed upon the enemy encampment, sowing chaos and discord in its wake. Those screaming about a giant bird raining thunder and lightning down upon them are taken for madmen. The few with the sense to try and attack are overwhelmed." The D100 rolled again, showing an eighty. "Most of the army falls with the first sweep."
"I continue chanting," said the Cleric. "And pray that the maguffin remains intact under his devastating wing."
The D100 rolled again. A four. "Amazingly, none of the army spots a giant, glowing bird shooting lightning from its pinions as it flies over the encampment." A fifty. "Half of the remaining forces attempt to rally, the other half flees."
"Can we beat them now?" asked the Paladin.
"I continue chanting! My god is on my side!"
"Dude," said the Rogue. "This is bonkers."
The D100 rolled again. One. The DM was somewhere between laughing and sobbing. "Everybody is too busy worrying about a clean pair of trousers to look upwards at the glowing bird who could fill the entire fucking sky." A Seventy-four. "Those who don't die of fright or lightning are so demoralised that they lay down their arms and pray to their gods for mercy."
"I try to mass convert them to my church," the cleric rolled their D20. It came up with a two. "FUCK!"
"The remaining forces realise that you're the cause of all of this and attempt to take up arms," dies rolled. And all came up ones. "They fumble. Most of them hurt themselves in the attempt."
"Now can I mop up the survivors?" begged the Paladin.
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