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A 4935-post collection

The Coming Devestation

The last time the Great Wyrm attacked, the Kingdom of Nalun’g was rent asunder. Now, after almost a century of repair and reconstruction, the land sickens, holy symbols warp and tarnish, and the young and artists are plagued be nightmares that, horribly enough, may be prophecies.
The signs are there. The Beast is Coming…

(#00767 - B036)

Of course Nalun'g searched for a hero. Knights, barbarians, thieves and assassins all tried their hands at eliminating the Wyrm.

They were never seen again.

Simisola, a child of Nalun'g, had always been a strange girl. She rarely spoke and hardly interacted with anyone. She never looked a person in the eye and largely communicated by pointing at what she wanted. She spent a majority of her life in the library, though nobody knew if she was actually reading or just paging absently through the chained books in their special cellar.

They called her Simple Simi whenever she was out, either in the town or roaming the hillsides and coming home with bundles upon bundles of weeds or vile byproducts of corruption, rattling in tin boxes. The children made fun of her peculiar walk and occasionally threw things at her.

But Simisola never said a word. She just went about her business as if she didn’t care.

On the day that the beast overflew the village, vomiting corruption on all that it saw, Simisola set out with heavy knapsack and bedroll and bags. Dressed gaily in reds and yellows in a pattern that bedazzled the eye.

She followed the Great Wyrm to its lair, and all were certain that Simple Simi would die there.

But the corruption faded. It withered and died, instead of spreading. The Great Wyrm was not seen for a week. For a month. For two months…

Rumour spread, as it was wont to do. The dragon had been defeated by Simple Simi’s great innocence. Some even began worshiping her as a saint. Children denied that they had ever been mean to her and talked endlessly about they had been kind to her in numerous small ways.

And then Simisola returned to Nalun'g.

On the back of the Great Wyrm.

The beast was no longer corrupted. But she was not yet whole. There were still the marks of a great sickness on her body, but also many signs of improvement.

Those who had sanctified Simple Simi turned against Simisola in a matter of seconds. They were prepared to burn her at the stake for her sorcery and black magic. They readied sticks and stones to throw at her, but none hit their mark. The dragon protected her.

“PEACE,” Roared the dragon. She had pouches and packs strapped to her back. Many were from previous heroes who had gone to fight her and died. One talon ripped open half a dozen, and gold and jewels spilled to the cobblestones of Nalun'g.

Some fell on the wealth as if they had never meant either dragon or girl harm. The rest dropped their improvised weapons.

“My name is Cevahir. For decades, I was plagued with a disease known as The Blight. It corrupted my thoughts. Turned me into less than an animal. Made me corrupt other areas. But this… brave maiden… thought to seek out all possible cures for The Blight and see to my medicine and care. She has saved me. And she has saved you. And she has told me all of what you have done to her.

"Therefore she is now my ward, and under my care. Any who harm her will have an argument with me.” A gout of flame showed all watchers how that argument would go. Quickly, decisively, and without a chance for rebuttal.

“She can’t have told you,” said one of the recent hypocrites. “She can’t talk.”

“You don’t listen,” said Simisola, her voice flat and bare of emotion. “You never did.”

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The Travelogue Continues

After leaving Francoeur behind, Kurt and Todd find themselves in South Park, bizarre animation and all. How will they cope with being the 184th strangest thing to happen to the town?.

(#00766 - B035)

It had been another typical morning at the bus stop. The usual debate had come around to the subject of mothers.

“Mmf F mmmf mf Mmmmmmm'f mmf mf f mmmmf,” said Kenny.

“You take that back, you sonofabitch,” Cartman challenged.

“Get over it,

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Challenge #00765 - B034:

A human opens a Beauty Salon for Reptilian Customers, it occurs to me that its Male reptiles who often try to attract mates.

[AN: Thanks to Tumblr’s habit of dropping links when I copy/paste, I have a new “streamlined” and “easier” procedure in which I have the HTML of my tagline info in a separate file and, after I’m done doing the story, I swap to HTML and copy/paste that sucker in.

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Challenge #00764 - B033: Emergency Procedures

“When in trouble, when in doubt. Run in circles, scream and shout!” Have fun with this!

These were the most bizarre aliens she had ever seen. Their emergency klaxon was a twinkly little tune suitable for Play School or Sesame Street[1] replete with singing. The jolly lady’s voice instructed the entire crew on how to panic in the same tone of friendly warning that other PSA’s would tell children where and how to cross the

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Return to the Greater Dereg That Got It Right

Exactly what it says on the tin.

(#00763 - B032)

[AN: This would be directly related to Challenge #323 in One Leap Year of Instants, available for whatever you want at Smashwords]

How to run a world without taxes, Kell wrote. First: Eliminate the government. Elected officials only care for their results in the next election, leading to years of nothing done, followed by flurries of activity nearing the election season.

Public services are therefore run by non-profit organisations with client care

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Numedid Meets the Birds of Earth, Part 3

Numedid meet the Penguins, finding them to be practicing Marxists with the capacity to utterly conquer the known galaxy, but have held off because they “want to see how the whole human thing turns out first”.

(#00762 - B031)

[AN: Not gonna lie, my first thought was with the Penguins of the Madagascar movies… resisting said temptation with my entire might.]

Humans called them Emperor penguins. They had a much more complicated name for themselves that T'reka the Wanderer could never

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Challenge #00761 - B030: What a Waste

A numidid who is the living embodiment of handsome - his feathers are perfectly aligned and gleaming, talons sharp and shiny, vibrant crest, and zygomatic arches to make everyone swoon.
He’s also a scientist. (from Amity or not)
Commence shenanigans!

Lu’iz had no idea he was handsome. He carried on in all his beliefs and allowed everyone else to be mistaken in theirs. Such was the life of a scientist.

And yet, every day, he would hear some female on

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Challenge #00760 - B029: Hug-a-Bunch

“And here we have- please put the new ambassador down.”
“But (s)he’s so cute and cuddle able!”

Ha’ri still didn’t understand how she became an ambassador to her people. She was just one of the many, many asteroid-chasers trying to make enough money to pay for more than her ship and its fuel. Especially damages.

Then a ship belonging to the strange, balding apes had come out of nowhere and she made the mistake

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Wardrobe Malfunction

We return to the campaign of Kermit the Frog and Undead!Fred Rogers, who is now starting to look a bit…ripe. This leads up to a live debate where bits of Mr. Rogers visibly start falling off, ending in a total structural collapse during his concluding speech.
Even with one member a rapidly putrefying puddle of flesh, the Frog/Rogers ticket is still far in the lead.

(#00759 - B028)

[AN: I want to go on the record that I find

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So That's What They're Up To...

Scenes from an apartment building for divinities who lack major worshiper populations. Thor complains about Sobek using all of the building’s hot water, Huitzilopochtli and Apollo are catty he-bitches to each other, and even the other Gods of Death agree that Anubis is damn creepy; that sort of thing.

(#00758 - B027)

[AN: Apologies for the eurocentrism, but I did have to do very quick research on this and finding non-european obscure gods is an exercise in frustration]

Hestia ran the

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Challenge #00757 - B026: The Visitor

Part of a tiny story - Unfurl by IPostAtMidnight
She usually enjoyed unfurling a fresh sheet over her bed, swishing it out like they do in those detergent commercials. Tonight, however, as the sheet settled down onto the empty mattress, it outlined the contours of a body.

It wasn’t a pleasant silhouette, either. It was the doughy shape of a man who couldn’t be bothered with himself. And further, the sheet above the body immediately stuck to pools

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Challenge #00756 - B025: That is Not a Solution

On the one hand, that is a legitimate problem.
On the other, I’m not sure I could come up with a worse solution to that problem, even if you gave me a research grant and several years.

South-Southwest Greater Deregulation.

The problem element milled around, five yards away from the electrified wiring. Just a few inches short of the raised wire that denoted the area where the guards in the tower would shoot.

They all stared at Monica in desperate hope.

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Challenge #00755 - B024: It's Just Politics

“It’s like a madhouse, designed by a succession of madmen, each with a deep hatred of their predecessors brand of madness. And it’s on fire.”

[AN: Never in my life have I been prompted to reply with a screenshot of Google asking “Did you mean ‘the Australian Government’?” But no. I am a writer. I make stories.]

Tradition is a very peculiar thing. Things begin with reason and rationality and end in farcical imitation, hundreds or thousands of

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Challenge #00754 - B023: What is Dog?

After other species have somewhat adjusted to the whole “vicious predator” == “family pet” thing, they run into this:



That is a predator larger than an adult human, whose head is roughly that man’s torso’s size.

He is a descendant of one of the scariest predators in the world casually flopped on the couch and he loves belly rubs and ear scritches and is just a big fluffy goofball that loves mauling tennis balls - well, maybe volleyballs are more appropriate,

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Challenge #00753 - B022: Attempted Poisoning

Regarding Onions: The crazy food that turns our tears into sulphuric acid. Somewhere along the way some twit must have had the following thought process.

“AARGH MY EYES IT BURNS I wonder what it tastes like”.

Somewhere in the houses of the first cities…

Ari was sick of her husband. He was cruel and vile, and rough with her in their bedchamber. He expected a cooked meal when he came home, expected it hot, but never told her when

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