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A 4906-post collection

Challenge #00753 - B022: Attempted Poisoning

Regarding Onions: The crazy food that turns our tears into sulphuric acid. Somewhere along the way some twit must have had the following thought process.

“AARGH MY EYES IT BURNS I wonder what it tastes like”.

Somewhere in the houses of the first cities…

Ari was sick of her husband. He was cruel and vile, and rough with her in their bedchamber. He expected a cooked meal when he came home, expected it hot, but never told her when to expect him.

And he never gave her enough oil for her lamps, forcing her to do most of her work by feel.

He would not let her eat until he had eaten, which made the longer nights insufferable.

Therefore, her only recourse was to poison him.

She’d been gathering them all day. The root of the tassel grass was well known for its eye-burning smell when cut. It served reason that it had to be poisonous.

She’d peeled them and chopped them carefully, and now they were bubbling in the stew while she ate the bread she’d made that day. Let him yell. Let him rave. Let him hit her. He would be dead, soon.

He was too drunk to notice any crumbs on her clothes. He just staggered in and slumped into his place. Thumping the table for his food instead of asking politely. Or asking anything at all.

She made certain he had plenty of the tassel grass root.

“What’s this muck?” he poked at it.

“Stew,” she answered. “It’s always stew. I went gathering them herbs all day. For your health, not that you care.”

He grumbled and growled, but was evidently too drunk to swing at her, so he fell on his food like a common pig.

She expected foam. Paroxysms of terror. The slow realisation that he was dying. She expected his face to change colour.

Nothing. He ate it, burped, and cheered, “That’s the best stew you’ve ever cooked, woman! What was that herb?”

“Uuuuhhhh… nyun,” she said in a fit of inspired desperation.

“Onion, eh? ’S good.” Another loud belch. “Use it more.”

She must have done something wrong. Ari, terrified of repercussions if she just made him sick on the morrow, dug through her stew for every fragment of the freshly-named Onion and crammed it all into her mouth.

It was delicious.

How?

And more importantly, what could she do now?

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Challenge #00752 - B021: Tea Solves Everything

Apparently there was an old prank tv show that faked an alien landing on an English lady’s front lawn. Her immediate reaction was to offer them tea.

Your prompt is the same scenario except it’s a real ship and a couple of extraterrestrials who had to make an emergency landing instead of a prank.

Somewhere east of Cricklewood…

There was no fire. Just a sad hissing of water vapour and the gentle ‘pink pink’ noise of cooling

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Challenge #00751 - B020: When is a Troll Not a Troll?

*LOUD ANGRY-* Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so used to people getting it wrong it’s a reflex by now.

There are certain phrases that are bound to get a reaction from any fandom. Things like, “Star Trek… that’s the one with Doctor Spock, right?” or confusing Star Trek with Star Wars. Proclaiming the love for an almost universally-hated character is a good one. And for those who follow All My Daughters, the phrase, “Why

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Sensible Economic Decision

The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there’s no good reason to go into space - each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision.“ - Randall Munroe

[AN: I know I’ve done this twice before. Let’s see if the third is a stretch. Also, my laptop is still dead and all my progress on KFZ is in limbo. I’

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Challenge #00749 - B018: Crazy Apes

http://imgur.com/gallery/IeLuO

something based on this lovely mini-story?

Understanding the entire concept took some time. Earth bombarded the Dracs with popular media. All the stories where someone made a noble sacrifice for the greater good.

How ingrained in us it was that one life for the betterment of others was the good thing to do. How selflessness was a virtue.

The Ambassadors were horrified. Perplexed. Confused. Bemused. And overall, plain confounded.

The Dracs studied us, of course. Examined Earth

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Challenge #00748 - B017: Informed Decision

Keeping the groups that sing “Under Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby” apart turns out not to be the hard part - the hard part is choosing which area to stay with. Do you want the eerie whispering, or the sudden heart attack?

[AN: For those wondering where this prompt came from, check out story #171 in One Leap Year of Instants, available for whatever you want on Smashwords. Please choose to pay a dollar value for this anthology]

Humans were strange creatures.

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Challenge #00747 - B016: What a Voice

Following in from the last one, the musical shenanigans of Francoeur and Kurt.

Three weeks in…

Audiences loved the acrobatics. Carlotta could have done without the post-show bickering, especially now that Todd was picking up enough French to cuss in.

But this time, the froggy mutant slunk off into the depths of backstage, distancing himself from the slightly demonic Kurt.

Carlotta followed him. She didn’t understand much English and he didn’t understand much French, but she knew instinctively that he

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Challenge #00746 - B015: Unlikely Meetings

Kurt Wagner meets Francoeur. How do Todd and Emile get on?

It was the first show that the audience ran out on. But, to be completely fair, it was the first one that included the surprise appearance of a blue, fuzzy demon and some kind of humanoid amphibian thing.

Carlotta was ticked, of course. Especially at the fact that both creatures could stick to walls and ceilings, far out of reach of the diminutive cabaret hostess. There was something of a flap

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Challenge #00745 - B014: Baldie

B’rka, the adventures of a goose Numidid with no feathers  (For the prompt inspiration, see Borka)

The chick had been left in her nest. It was weak and cold and hungry. Serka knew that she didn’t have the time to call emergency services. And, since it was night, there was a high likelihood that they wouldn’t turn up until morning. By which time it would be far too late for the newly-hatched keet.

She could see why

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Comparative...Let's Say 'Humor'

Shortly after encountering the Numidid, someone makes the inevitable “Numididn’t” joke. 

(#00744 - B013)

“I am Numidid,” said Ambassador Su'sin, offering her hand.

The newly-minted Ambassador for the Consortium of Steam immediately struck a pose and said, “Oh nu-mi-di-en’t…”

One of the other members of the Consortium of Steam smacked hirself in the face at that. “We’re being ambassadors, today…”

“I don’t understand,” pleaded Su'sin.

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Challenge #00743 - B012: A Requiem for Glory

The grass is always greener on the other side of the nuclear war.
Sometimes due to glowing with radiation, granted.

“War,” said the Elder. “We had to fight it, of course. Those evil bastards on the other continent were going to destroy our way of life. So we had to destroy theirs.”

“Um,” said Krii, raising her hand.

“Yes, what?”

“Did they know that was why we attacked? Because, um, it might explain

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Challenge #00742 - B011: You Stole What?

To paraphrase Die Hard:

“Now I have a Death Star. Ho Ho Ho.”

“This is your claim. A dwarf planet in a Sargasso. Big whoop.”

“It’s not a dwarf planet,” said Lenn Ybalius. She was busy watching her controls and making certain she piloted her way in on certain vectors.

“Oh, you hijacked a moon,” singsonged Prella. She had a low opinion of her business partner. “That’s above your usual standards.

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Challenge #00741 - B010: Not Quite MST3K

“Guys! Guys! I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand and I have no idea what I’m doing!”

Shayde giggled. “Awright. That one had a point. The goal is tae make fun of the movie, not the common hollywood tropes, ye ken.”

“It’s still fun,” argued a SPOEn who called herself Molly Ringwald.

“Aye, it is tha’.” She pointed at the screen. “BOOM! Take a shot!” She

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Challenge #00740 - B009: Fighting Against the Stereotype

http://boundlessinspiration.tumblr.com/post/106944373313/hurryupmerlin-thegirlwithgoldeyes-imagine-a

“Bolin! Hey,” Sasha smiled for her. “It’s so rare to see you off night shift.”

“Yeah. Tell me about it.” Safely indoors and out of direct sunlight, Bolin shed her hood and took off her sunglasses.

Sasha burst out laughing. “What’s with the war paint?”

“Zinc oxide is the only sunblock I can wear. It comes in teeny-tiny pots and a range

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Challenge #00739 - B008: Havenworlders V Humans

Hypothetically, a universe where keratin (our hair and fingernails) is a rare and valuable resource. Accounting for the sugar walls from a previous story it would potentially be considered a strong, nonreactive material.

Seeing humans with it on must be like watching someone walk around with steel-tipped claws and spun-titanium jewellery. Yeah it’s a small fortune but a) the person it’s attached to must be scary as all get-out and b) it’s practically a weapon in its own

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