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A 4675-post collection

Challenge #00854-B123: Ahead by a Nose

Child: Mommy! Mommy! I found a head! Can I keep it?
Mum: No, you can’t keep it. Now go and give it back to the gentlebot who lost it.
Child: They didn’t say “thank you”, Mommy.
Mum: Don’t worry about it, dear. Some people don’t know how to be polite after they’ve been decapitated.

[AN: We all know the gentlebots of steampoweredgiraffe​ are well-mannered enough thank peeps who help when they’ve lost their heads, so…]

5PY-80T
knew hir assignment. All ze had to do was arrange to get hir head into the enemy labs. Which required help from the mole.

They were
supposed to meet at an anonymous park and exchange heads. 5PY-80T‘s
facial plates were common enough with M0L3′s that the scanners wouldn’t
tell the difference. The problem was… the contact was late.

Maybe
it was the abundance of people with cameras. Maybe it was the increase in the local police force. Someone, somewhere, had stirred up trouble.

Desperate,
5PY-80T his hir head in the designated place and sent hir body over to a decent hiding place to await M0L3′s signal. And it should have gone well.

If it wasn’t for the small child.

Small children and animals had a knack for messing up plans. And this one found 5PY-80T‘s head and dutifully returned it to hir.

Maybe that was what had happened to M0L3…

5PY-80T lurked in the shadows, checking the wifi for messages or hints of what had gone wrong.

All this trouble, so hir mother-company could keep ahead in the game…

[Muse food remaining: 16. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00853-B122: Summons in Trouble

“…‘and thus do we condem the acts of the malevolent…’? Wait… MALEVOLENT? How dare they call me ‘malevolent’!”

“Yeah, if anything, you’re just incompetent.”

“…Of course, I – hey, who’s side are you on, anyway?!”

“Yours, of course, Master… but even you must admit that your experiments are… a little lacking.”

“Of course they are - they’re experiments. They exist so that I know what to do better next time.”

“But the cogniscent cheese, sir…”

“What?

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Challenge #00852-B121: Catching Up

Ok If I’ve timed this right it ought to be just after eurovision.

Your prompt today is whatever act won.

[AN: You got it right. I’m willing to bet you were expecting something like Gay Disco Dracula though]

Shayde called it ‘degaussing’ when she didn’t call it “Catching up wi’ five hundred years o’ Tivo” and it usually involved a bucket of popcorn. Buttered, of course.

“So what are you binging on, tonight?”

“Eurovision.”

Her answers always surprised him.

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Challenge #00851-B120: One Fine Evening at a Galactic Mixer Party

Between two cultures, the body language and customs for aggression/anger in one are very similar to the flirting/courtship of the other.

In this scenario: A series of attempts to get an individual to agree to a date are taken entirely the wrong way.

She shouldn’t have gone amongst the Deathworlders. She could already feel her mortality creeping up on her. Havenworlders and Deathworlders never mixed well.

“Pretty,” said one of the Deathworlders. A tall beast with entirely too much

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Challenge #00850-B119: One Fine Bar Fight at a Galactic Crossroads

Between two cultures, the body language and customs for aggression/anger in one are very similar to the flirting/courtship of the other.

In this scenario: An aggressive display is mistaken for flirting.

She got into the human’s personal space. Closed her off from any escape. Rumbled in a low threat, “I like your face.”

The human bared her teeth and uttered a barking call. Then she pressed her rubbery mouth to  Hoq’a’lu’gi’s face. “I think you’

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Challenge #00849-B118: Tough Crowd

A species that has a language where musical vocables (La, de, dum, da etc.) are all either swearwords or very rude.

“I d-d-d-d-don’t know what happ-p-p-ened,” complained Rabbit.

“We were going so well,” said The Spine. “It doesn’t compute… it doesn’t compute…”

“…i don’t want to be mus-ic-ians an-y-more…” sulked Hatchworth.

Pete 17, urgently directing repair teams of Walter Workers, took a deep breath. “What the heck happened? Everybody loves your music…”

“I

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Challenge #00848-B117: It Just Goes

About the EM Drive, a possible new space drive that no-one has a coherent theory on HOW it works, but as long as no mistakes have been made in the experiments, it seems that it does. …Somehow.

“Well, the future space programs will no longer need propellants. However, they should probably investigate this thoroughly, this looks like an accidental discovery of summoning…things. While using Cthulhu as a propellant sounds hilarious no one wants to know what happens after that. ”

[AN: The

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Challenge #00847-B116: The Diving War

This battle would be much more intense if both sides weren’t trying to lose.

“If we do not win for the glory of the emperor, we will be executed as criminals.”

“But we can’t win! The odds are stacked against us.”

“Have no fear! I have bribed the other general to lose to us. All we have to do is make sure that we don’t hurt his men.”

Meanwhile, in the other camp…

“The emperor told us to

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Challenge #00846-B115: Vortex Realm

“Help! I’m trapped in a Craft Show.”

How many aisles must a man walk down? How many different booths could stock yarn? And what the hell was tatting?

Maisy stopped at yet another booth that sold merchandise almost identical to the last booth.

“…uuuuuuuuuuuugh…” groaned Paul, designated human packhorse. “My feet hurt. How big is this show floor? Can I please put this crap in our room and go for a coffee?“

“Hmm?” Maisy looked up from an array

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Challenge #00845-B114: Hearts Wild

The adventures of an Australian in the Everfree Forest.

[AN: The pony in this story has almost nothing to do with Steve Irwin and is a parody of several nature presenters and possibly Bush Tucker Man]

The Everfree Forest. A peculiar patch of land that has never needed a pony’s help to operate. The plants grow by themselves. The clouds have seeming autonomy. It’s whispered that the animals, there, eat each other.

It’s a dangerous place. Unsafe for the

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Challenge #00844-B113: In Vino, Vastitas

Now, I’m not a philosopher, but I AM drunk at this moment, so I’ll attempt to discuss philosophy within my own limited eckshp- expewir- …Stuff.

“Na, na, na, na, na, na. Y’ can’t do that,” said his drunken mate. “There’s a rule, right? Anything you attempt drunk, right? Anything… you try t’ do drunk… ‘S gonna end in d’saster.”

“She’ll be right, mate,” said Kevin. “Ph’los’phy’s jus’ words, innit? Can’t

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Challenge #00843-B112: Relics of a Previous Age.

I think that I’ve never seen anything so stupid and so practical in all my life.

They called it The Archive of Earth. A massive tomb devoted to the Twentieth Century. And Shayde had, through adventure and misadventure, inherited the lot.

“How much of this stuff is plastic?” wondered Rael.

“Uh. After the Twenties? Loads.” Shayde was particularly uninformative, unpacking the vaults and sorting random objects. The swarming Archivaas had left her to deal with everything they didn’t recognise. Which

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Challenge #00842-B111: Complaints Department

Person who brought the bomb: ‘You’re genuinely offended by the fact that we didn’t bring big enough bombs?’
Person they were trying to blow up: ‘I’m offended by any job poorly done, but that’s not the prime issue.’

“You call that an explosion,” griped the target. Lord Bottomsbury. “You call that an explosion?”

“Er,” said Kieth, would-be assassin. “I thought it’d work?”

“Honestly. This is not the death I paid for.”

“I’m sorry, it’s my

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Challenge #00841-B110: When Clint Met Natasha

Some men get so nervous if a lady shows up at the restaurant with a box of explosives.

Budapest. Some years ago.

He thought he had been discretely
following her, right up until the moment she sat down opposite him at the cafe. She gave him a winning smile and a, “Sorry I’m late, darling.
Caught up in shopping.”

Quick handsigns. Three bogies. Armed. Target you. No look.

“That’s okay, sweetie,” he said, making sure the nearby shrubbery blocked him

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Challenge #00840-B109: Penfold... Hush.

If we never meddled in powers we did not comprehend, how would we gain comprehension?

“Uh… by examining them with science? Preferably by non-invasive, passive means first?” suggested Penfold.

Blenkinsop glared at her. “Honestly. You’re such a wet blanket.”

“Wet blankets survive fires, Blenkinsop. All I’m asking is that you pay attention.”

She sighed and folded her arms. “Really.”

“Yes. There is a reason why you found these tools and instruments in the middle of a ruined temple. In

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