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Humans Are Weird

A 177-post collection

Challenge #02685-G128: Little, Yellow, Different

She was heavy-set, had a constant cough, but otherwise was very quiet. The human that signed aboard the science vessel was younger than they'd ever had before as an officer. The only reason it had been allowed was her parents had signed a statement saying they agreed to allow her to go and all tests indicated that she could handle the job. Botanical scientist. Her friends always called her "botany geek", to which she'd smile, laugh, and then cough. When the medics asked about the cough, they learned it was due to scar tissue on her voice box from a very bad reaction to the immunoflu when she was 10.

They reached a planet where it was damn near a perfect haven for anyone to live. They set down the camp and began their work. She was more excited about the botanical life than any other it seemed, which was a relief to see at least ONE human who wasn't wild but, in fact, actually as curious about the science as they were. However, it was when she was out of sight for a short time, they realized, she wasn't coughing. The more she worked with an odd, tiny, yet heavily prevalent yellowish-green plant, the easier her breath seemed to come. This had seemed like such an unobtrusive little weed, and now, like the young human, it seemed to be more than it appeared. -- Anon Guest

"It's okay, I'm not dying," insisted the Human. "I'm just doing a remarkable impersonation. Promise." Her voice was rough, and she was not attractive by Human standards, but as the Alliance widened, appearance mattered less. Humans had some peculiar standards anyway[1].

"Are you well?" asked Nahang, who actually liked a softer Human for varying comfort needs. "Is there something we need to inform the ships' Medik about?"

"Uh. Not really. Not every immunoflu is a hit. I caught an early draught that was released by accident and it left some scarring on my throat and lungs. Breathing's tricky but not debilitating. Also I cough at the least provocation. There's relief medication, but it never lasts very long." Human Gis smiled. "At least you'll always know where I am." That positive, though correct, was not always positive.

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Challenge #02676-G119: Hot, Brown, and Horrifying

There are many unspoken laws across the galaxy. Don’t provoke a calm man. Fear the wrath of a protective mother. Don’t take any of Human Girth's drinks. Ok maybe not that the last one but it only applies to one ship. -- Anon Guest

Welcome aboard the Poke And Run, do not accept beverages from the Ship's Human. You do not want to know why. Even though we know you'll say you do. The usual rules of space travel apply:

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Challenge #02674-G117: Planet Pet-it

Whole planets dedicated to humans need to touch things. They range from your typical cat cafe walking with elephants, to even swimming with sharks. And that's just the animals from earth! Each plant has a different variety of species to accommodate any human, Making them a great alternative for humans who keep touching the unknown animals on equally unknown planets. -- Anon Guest

Humans look with their hands. This is a known, if confusing fact. Humans have reasonably reliable senses that use

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Challenge #02666-G109: Perplexing Perambulation

"Necessity is the mother of invention... Boredom is the father." -- SilverRey

So many inventions happen because their inventor thinks that they are vital. Others occur because they will create a tactical advantage against an enemy. Some rare and interesting inventions happen because the creator had nothing better to do.

Case in point - weird vehicles.

People don't need a bicycle that walks on feet, nor do they need a chariot drawn by crab-like legs. They don't need a powered boat with

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Challenge #02654-G097: A Surpassed Reminder

When we drink, we get drunk.

When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven! -- Anon Guest

This was a decorative plaque found in the ruins. Unremarkable, save for the fact that most of it was legible, and didn't necessitate reconstruction. There were thousands like it. Almost one in every ruined home. Just like the ones with

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Challenge #02653-G096: Blandishments for the Bland

Anything else with CLARC?

(Sorry about the blast from the past. Slowly getting fully caught up.) -- SilverRey

[AN: Nothing to apologise for. I love that you love the old stuff enough to deliver some inspiration. Hopefully you're reading faster than a story a day ;) ]

Every fleet has its screw-ups, every force has its dead weight. They may also serve who stand and wait, but those who sit on their butts with a finger up an orifice are not doing anyone any

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Challenge #02651-G094: Noise Worth Sleeping to

"I am sorry to bother you, but would you mind if I took a nap while you are here? You don't need to change what you are doing or anything. It is just to... loud... when I am by myself." -- SilverRey

Hejiq startled out of their work mentality to stare at the Ship's Human, Dem. They were wearing colourful insulation over their Ships' Skins known to Humans as a 'kigu', and this one was patterned to match the standard Skitty. Human

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Challenge #02619-G062: Sizzlin'

The support snag, AKA sausage inna slice of bread. You find them everywhere here in Auz, raising money for good causes, local footy teams. Volunteers cooking sausages and buttering bread, and selling bulk buy soft drinks at retail prices. The backbone of the country. -- Knitnan

It was a N'Ozzie thing. Of course it was a N'Ozzie thing. It made minimal sense, therefore it had to come from N'Oz. The entire planet, except for one reasonably large and relatively idyllic[1] island,

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Challenge #02617-G060: Bonding Through Irritation

The humans teach some havenworlders how to play an infamous board game known as monopoly. -- Anon Guest

Competition is innate in Humans. Without some form of competition in their lives or society, Humans tend to... wither. A society without competition goes retrograde. A Human without competition becomes bored. There are few forces in the universe more destructive than a bored Human.

Fortunately for Havenworlders, Humans tend to bring along entertainment. This may be some kind of survival instinct at work or

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Challenge #02616-G059: Vital Education

A: Why is your baby so happy and well behaved? I've tried everything with mine!

Baby A: shriiieeeeek!!!

B: I just listen to them.

Baby B: happy cooing -- Anon Guest

Parenting classes did not exist, once. People were expected to pick up parenting from their own parents. This was not always the best model. Child psychology and psychology in general began with one simple step: listening. The instant people began to learn that their infants attempt communication from birth, is the

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Challenge #02615-G058: Useless? Never Heard of It

those odd coins in the bottom of your pocket or bag. Putting them to good use. -- Anon Guest

As a member of the Loyal Order of Hitchhikers, it is prudent to clean out one's bags regularly. Especially the bags one uses for currency. As one makes one's way through several cultures and territories, one accumulates small change like a piece of sticky tape accumulates lint. This is most important as weight limits can prevent further travel and some coin weighs more

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Challenge #02614-G057: Therapeutic Bonding Exercises

Humans quietly did not speak of it.

Speak of it and it makes it real, yeah?

One of the leftover prejudices from Pre-Shattering.

In reality, it wasn’t so bad. Young terrans unmeaningly latching on to inappropriate first beings when they were beginning their Adult Growth cycle. Receiving mixed and confused information due to age and species wasn’t so odd, with all the travelling.

You just had to know how to handle it so it went from "No, it’s okay!

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Challenge #02604-G047: Worth the Ordeal

"Wow, you really did it!"

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Well, yes..."

"Then why are you so surprised?"

"Oh, I figured something of a higher priority would come along and you'd do that, then you'd be busy and forget about it, so I just assumed it wouldn't happen for, like, three or four months so I wouldn't give you a reason to be mad at me for being frustrated that you didn't do it when you said you would!" -- Anon

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Challenge #02602-G045: The Motivation Solution

What are you doing?

No, don't jump down here!

WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS??? -- Anon Guest

Here's the thing with having Humans on your ship. Sometimes they are young Humans and don't always know the rules of proper behaviour. It is difficult to know which Humans are capable and which are... less... capable until such time as they reveal their limits. Humans are a relatively unknown species and those taking the risks of their company on the Edge are more or less

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Challenge #02579-G022: What the Feces?

You’re shit is an insult, you’re the shit is a complement. You’re not shit is a reassurance, and fuck this shit is not related to the previous phrases. -- Anon Guest

Humans don't have to be confusing, but they will frequently do it anyway. Their idioms, axioms, and expressions are many, varied, and assumed to be understood by everyone. This can hold true for some Human words, as well. Enormous papers have been written on the versatility of some

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