Humans Are Space Orcs

"1... 2... 3..."

Crash

"Now we know it's three seconds deep!" -- OohLookShiny

Humans. The Ch'voth had been essentially using them as cannon fodder for a passage of months before they realised two things:

First - humans were extremely hard to kill.

Second - their primary method of finding answers seemed to be 'throw things at it'.

It didn't matter what the question was. They would throw things at it. The Ch'voth theorised that most of their science evolved in the same way.

How fast is light? Let's throw some at some spinning gears and see!

Can we make a bridge here? Let's throw a rope across and find out!

Can we colonise this new planet? Let's throw some people and equipment there!

And, one that Ch'terin saw herself: How deep is this hole? Let's drop a rock in it!

"What are--?"

"Ssh!" The human was counting under their breath. "Five. It's five seconds deep..." Now they had a stick. And a human with a stick could do terrible things indeed. "With a fall rate of eight DU's per second per second... hm, hm, hm... One hundred DU's to the bottom of that thing. And there's no telling if it goes out."

Ch'terin watched the human poke at the ground with their stick.

"Can't go back. If we go down, we might be cut off worse..." the human sighed. "You're not going to make it if I scout and backtrack all the time, and I have to save you because I like getting paid." Another sigh. "You're not going to like this, my friend... but I'll have to carry you."

"That... that goes against protocol," objected Ch'terin. She did not voice her concerns about this dangerous mammal pack-bonding with her. Now was not the time.

"You like living. I like you living. What's to argue about?" said the human. And it was not as if Ch'terin could actually fight them. Humans were frighteningly strong.

And frighteningly fast. And frighteningly cavalier with their own lives. And... just plain frightening.

Ch'terin took all of her sedatives, but was still amber-lining her stress indicators by the time the human got back to their vessel.

Humans, she would later report, also solved problems by throwing themselves at them.

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The immune system is constantly walking the razor thin edge between doing sweet fuck all and killing you as collateral damage in an apocalyptic war. -- RecklessPrudence

They said that humans were much like their own immune system. Q'voth took that to mean that they were proof against anything that wanted to kill them. There was no way that a direct attack would work.

Therefore, Q'voth played the long game. Ingratiating her people with the humans. Infiltrating their everyday life. Whittling away

Names of recordings of training scenarios.

"Ode to places a cutting torch should never go"

"Three drones, one airlock and no sense"

And the cautionary tale about plasma torches, hypergolic fuel and explosive decompression simply entitled: "Don't" -- RecklessPrudence

Human training videos were baffling. They seemed designed to entertain, but also contained the full, gruesome consequences in order to horrify their audience into learning the lesson.

Newbies, it seemed, were suicidally incompetent. Sometimes, they were also homicidally so. And chief amongst their

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/145552354602/iamacutetiger-cosmictuesdays-pilgrimkitty

Captain Steve and his horgler -- Anon Guest

Humans will pet anything. It is a fact as true as their renowned insanity. They get reward through tactile contact and it is part of their pack-bonding process. Almost nothing, short of losing their arm on contact, will stop them.

The only thing that has stopped them in the past is knowledge of the frailty of the thing they wish to touch.

Humans stopped by planetary station