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Humans Are Space Orcs

A 315-post collection

Challenge #01447-C352: The Gratitude of Some People

Two people in danger

[Person #1] has a plan and gets them out of it

[Person #2]: THAT WAS CRAZY AND STUPID AND WE NEARLY DIED!!

[Person #1]: But it worked! -- RecklessPrudence

"We still nearly died!" ranted Mr'kish.

"I made sure we didn't. And, more importantly, I made sure you didn't. The proper words at this point are 'thank you'."

"You used your livesuit as an escape pod. You shot us out a torpedo tube..."

"In my defence, I was aiming for the rescue ship."

"We still have technicians trying to undo your bodge job around us, Dale..."

"Also in my defence, they might not have got my message about letting their Hungry Caterpillar pick us up. My comms are... uh... a little bit toasted."

"They broke in the torpedo tube, didn't they?"

"Enough of your sass, madam, or I'll start calling you 'Mr Kish' again." A sigh. "Yes. They did."

"I told you that re-wiring the comms of your suit was a bad idea, Miss Dale."

Dale scratched her nose. "Yeah, you did. And it was a calculated risk. And now I have to stand here and suffer whilst the techies take apart my work to see how I did it."

"Yeah," cooed Chief Technician Mirrin. "If this looks real good, we'll issue a set of lifesuits where the adaptation is easier."

"And the comms stay intact," added Dale.

"Yeah, probably," agreed Mirrin.

"I'm surrounded by humans," Mr'kesh wailed.

"At least they took my helmet off so you can have fresher air."

"...still tainted by your body odour," she grumbled.

(Muse food remaining: 9. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01438-C343: Paradise is Relative

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/153665498898/humans-are-weird

The post: A continuation on the "other planets don't have temperature fluctuations and stuff like earth does" theme including things like humans living on/swimming in volcanic areas, sending humans to the antarctic because drones don't work in the cold, and whenever earthquakes knock everything down building on the same are a again but with better earthquake proofing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Distracting GIF warning for that link]

Vri'thol was having difficulty with the concept.

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Challenge #01423-C328: Avoid The Greens

People discover, quite by accident, that aliens and spicy food don't mix, and that capsaicin is considered a deadly toxin by most species. -- YizukiKhons

[AN: Yeah sorry I'm late. I had to mind Miss Chaos through an exploration of QUT and some of the courses available there.]

Lynn had been trading with the Hyracont for some time. After years of setting up blind trading arrangements, she got to know a brave few. In their own livesuits, of course. There was never

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Challenge #01411-C316: Hammer of Peace

"There's no need to fear, I come in peace,"

"Well first of all, everything you just said is a lie,"

"And second of all?"

"You're not what I'm afraid of." -- OohLookShiny

Clair the Mercenary took shelter beside the Phemeropt behind the boulder. "I know there was a distress call," she said. "Your colony is in danger and we don't know why."

"Erinacs," whispered the Havenworlder. "They've eaten all of our scouts."

"Ah," Clair stood up and got on the comms. "We

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Challenge #01400-C305: Incomprehensible Biology

Human females become the most feared aspect of humanity when aliens realize that they regularly bleed once a month as part of their reproductive cycle. -- YizukiKhons

When venturing into the wild spaces, those territories outside of the Galactic Alliance, it is vitally necessary to have at least one human on the crew. Their pack-bonding and protective capabilities were highly prized in wild space.

Such was the case with the TikTavi, where the ship's human had a name unpronounceable by the crew.

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Challenge #01388-C293: Cheerful Charlie

"No worries, Mate! No problem." -- Anon Guest

[AN: Other phrases that Aussies have learned to fear, especially those who remember Joh "I live to fuck up your life" Bjelke-Peterson, are "Don't you worry about that" and "She'll be right" ::twitch::]

If there was a worse curse for a ship's human, T'kethi couldn't think of a worse option than a N'Ozzie Engineer. T'kethi repeatedly set herself reminders to never again pick a human based on pure aesthetics.

They were all ugly, squishy

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Challenge #01382-C287: More Than Ductape

I needa! The perpetual cry of the (a) attempting to make/fix something. (b) Person hitting the twice a year Trade Show. -- Knitnan

Humans were amazing. Most Galactics reached the stars and harvested society for new ideas. Humans did the same, but then they warped those ideas further and made new and frightening things with them.

The most terrifying introduction to Galactic Society was ductape. Humans couldn't agree if it was 'duct tape' or 'duck tape', so Galactics compromised and made

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Challenge #01376-C281: Everything? Everything!

"I'm gonna eat everything!"

"Please don't, we'll be kicked out."

"Everything." -- OohLookShiny

There is just one reaction that newcomers have when entering an Unsuitable Food restaurant. Many newcomers have come from planets founded by people with ideals. Or from planets where entire species failed to flourish. And one human settlement survived with stone-age technology, an extremely limited diet, and ritualistic cannibalism, before the Alliance found them.

Faced with the abundance of all the foods of all the Alliance in every possible,

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Challenge #01375-C280: Needing Hands

Breathing bodies is a term for people, not necessarily qualified who can be used for tasks that free up more qualified people(@) - third hands? Well humans have only two, but some people are quite good at being a third hand when needed.(*)

(@) example "here, put your hand on this and yell if it gets hot."

(*) "Hold this steady while I tighten the coupling up." And there are times when they are invaluable. -- Knitnan

[AN: Footnotes in prompts are NOT a

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Challenge #01374-C279: Three Things They Did Wrong and One Thing They Did Right

http://khaleesijade.tumblr.com/post/150856878533/agentquinn-sepulchritude-my-fav-trope-is -- Anon Guest

Understanding humans is a difficult business. Gallusians, one of the earliest Galactic species to hire their services, know this better than most.

Kru'ku, designated companion/guide of the exploration vessel Tikavi, wrote what many consider to be the first guide centred around the proper care and handling of humans. Their work encapsulates years of research, anecdotal evidence, assumptions, and quite a large amount of wild guesses.

For a seminal work, it is

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Challenge #01359-C264: Oi Oi Oi

Humans and various aliens discover a new planet at the same time. One one side, the aliens are being blindsided by weather, earthquakes, volcanoes etc. On the other side the humans are having snowball fights, counting lightning strikes, geyser watching and bathing in the geothermal pools.

Details: http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/149643799993/humans-are-weird -- Anon Guest

The crew of the Curious George had assigned the human to hauling the water cart. So far, the human had advised portable solar shelters in

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Challenge #01352-C257: Lilo and Stitch Go To College

Since there's no chance of this ever becoming an actual TV series, I'd like a fic, please. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Ask, and you shall receive. Eventually]

Things were... okay. Sure, having a bigger family helped in certain areas. There were more hands to pay for everything, but there were also more mouths to feed. They struggled, here and there, but in the end, it was... okay. They managed.

And then it was time for Lilo to go to college. She applied for

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Challenge #01342-C247: The Terra Curse

1) More has been added to the post about "aliens trying to invade and being foiled by wildlife" http://sharpestscalpel.tumblr.com/post/148783332263/professorofeljay-myurbandream-jabberwockypie

2) Quick, think of a couple of characters that got made for one of these prompts and write something about them -- Gallifreya

[AN: This puts the gap count down to 4. Also, callback to this post]

1)

The first Tyrvaki colony to settle picked what they thought was a nice place. It was nice enough for

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Challenge #01336-C241: Humans!

"Failure is always an option" -- OohLookShiny

"Look. It was either try it, or give up and die," said Kel.

"There was still a chance for death to not be an option," argued K'niith.

"Yes. And I took it."

"I meant," sighed K'niith, "that there was a chance that did not involve your insane gravity games."

Kel folded her arms. "It's called 'parkour' and it's a form of art."

"It's suicidal insanity, is what it is, you could have broken every bone

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Challenge #01335-C240: Indomitable

"1... 2... 3..."

Crash

"Now we know it's three seconds deep!" -- OohLookShiny

Humans. The Ch'voth had been essentially using them as cannon fodder for a passage of months before they realised two things:

First - humans were extremely hard to kill.

Second - their primary method of finding answers seemed to be 'throw things at it'.

It didn't matter what the question was. They would throw things at it. The Ch'voth theorised that most of their science evolved in the same

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