Humans Are Space Orcs

Challenge #01522-D061: With a Knack for Mimicry

http://marlynnofmany.tumblr.com/post/156605690661

Aliens that do not understand how well humans can mimic some noises. -- Gallifreya

When headed into uncharted, or barely charted territory, when facing danger, it is best to have at least one human aboard your ship. Yes, they are frightening deathworlders, but they also understand this and endeavour to be less frightening so they can pack-bond with you. They are also, and the K'veth are discovering, prone to annoying pranks.

Bob could impersonate any noise on the ship, and used that frequently for 'laughs'. He was the most skilled at it, and could even do other crewpersons' voices. Thankfully, he was not good enough to fool the shipboard computer. He would carry on conversations with the Skitties[1] at random moments and, overall, was a pain in the K'veth's anatomy.

He even picked up more than a few choice phrases in K'vethi, despite allegedly having the wrong mouth shape to pronounce it. One of his most-used ones was, "I can understand more than you think, you know." Especially when other K'vethi were talking about him in an unflattering way.

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Challenge #01519-D058: Watch What You Say

[Person #1]: (after describing the expedition) Won't be any fighting or danger, just research

[Person #2]: (who's seen this shit before) Yes, it will be totally safe. Nothing can go wrong. At least it won't be raining.

[Person #2]: You could just as well held up a sign that says "Fuck Murphy" on it, and expect less trouble. -- RecklessPrudence

"It's an exploratory mission into uninhabited territory. The entire system is incapable of hosting life. What could go wrong?"

"O Powers... you

Challenge #01518-D057: Hazards of Companionship

...well... thank you... I was suffering from a shortage of waking up screaming, this should help for the next month. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are the most advantageous crewmembers to have. Especially in what they insist on calling 'crunch time'. They will walk, or run, into danger and saunter back out again with barely a scratch. They are fiercely protective of any being they view as part of their pack, insanely profitable to have in a ship's crew, and invariably adaptable.

They're also

Challenge #01512-D051: Fascinating...

For the "Humans are space orcs": Aliens can only focus on one thing at a time. They're far more efficient because they hyperfocus and complete any task in a far shorter amount of time. So humans penchant of talking/humming/listening to music while working is both distracting and baffling. -- Anon Guest

Half the crew were watching the ship's human in their segregated kitchen. Terran music blared at maximum allowed volume, and the human sang slightly louder. Inside the quarantine zone,

Challenge #01484-D023: Subtle Dangers

Why should I go crazy when I can just as easily wait for it right here. Who wants gum? - Carrie Fisher -- RecklessPrudence

Something had to exist that did not like quiet, and M'prax was reasonably certain that it was the Ship's Human. The dangerous deathworlders had a reputation for being unstoppable protectors and, more to the point, profitable creatures to have. But they were also... well... deathworlders.

It was hard not to think of the being named Sally as an

Challenge #01474-D013: Stranded on a Hostile Planet

2157 A.D.

Captain’s Log: Alpha-Foxtrot-Lima - 1129.

It’s been 63 days and they have yet to realise that I am not one of them. -- Here-is-the-Story

This only shows that my disguise is effective, and my camouflage as well. These Deathworlders have no idea that I am not one of their species. This is well and good. As a pre-spaceflight civilisation, I have seen what they do to each other for the most trivial reasons. They are not ready

Challenge #01468-D007: Beware of Storytellers

“The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee.” - Terry Pratchett (GNU) -- RecklessPrudence

What's most impressive about humans, besides their patented unkillability, is their propensity for stories. Stories encompass their lives. They explain their past with stories. Foretell the future with stories...

They even seek evidence to

Challenge #01467-D006: Surrender Now, or... What?

:In front of a delegation from [Bad Guy], facetiously:

"Commander [Good Guy]? Do you have any idea where the [Bad Guy]'s Military is? They seem to have misplaced it. And do you smell something burning?" -- RecklessPrudence

Of course, it was a metaphor. The humans were irritatingly rife with them. Smell could no more travel through the gulfs of space than sound could transmit through vacuum. Nevertheless, they were also irritatingly good at inventing means of transmitting information at ludicrously faster

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Motto of a Uni in a world where Humans are Doc Brown (doesn't necessarily have to be a human-run uni): Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. -- RecklessPrudence

All things considered, it is a great boon to the universe that Terrans have never been able to read Golq'ethin. Otherwise, when bright-eyed and enthusiastic future engineers of all flavours entered the decorative gates, they'd have read, Zoq'in University, Training the Terrifying Terran Technologists of Tomorrow. But they could not begin to unriddle

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

A [Human science ship] is basically a prickly little echidna going through space wearing a mortarboard. It just wants to science. If you stop it sciencing, it can survive you kicking it, hurt the foot that you were foolish enough to use to kick it, and call for help from the other, decidedly LESS peaceful ships Humanity has to offer. -- RecklessPrudence

Humans are dangerous. Everyone knows this. The preferred method of interacting with humans, for the longest time, was simply two

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Left to my own devices, I am not very aggressive. But if you give me a small helpless person to defend I will conquer small European nations in their name. -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things one should never, ever do in Galactic Society. You do not comment negatively about any other cogniscent's appearance. You do not engage a gravity drive in hyperspace. And you do not, under any circumstances, threaten a human's charge if that guarded body is a small, fragile

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

The Irwin character and their adventures on Earth -- Anon Guest

[AN: once again, pre-yule shopping took me away from doing this]

"Now in most areas of human habitation, the goal is to cover as much of the body as possible. But here--" images of Surfer's Paradise, "--the rules are turned upside-down. Unless you're one of these blokes," images of surfers in their full-body surf suits. "Their vibrant colours tell the sharks that live in the water that they're not good to

Challenge #01452-C357: Cute and Bombproof

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/154304792219/jumperjohn-you-know-that-one-post-about-humans

"You know that one post about humans being really durable compared to aliens and that one about humans being really cute to aliens?

What if they were both true at the same time. Like the aliens decide to take their human on a landing mission because they get so excited and it’s so cute but then a storm hits and they crash. And the aliens are all freaking out because they can’t be

Challenge #01447-C352: The Gratitude of Some People

Two people in danger

[Person #1] has a plan and gets them out of it

[Person #2]: THAT WAS CRAZY AND STUPID AND WE NEARLY DIED!!

[Person #1]: But it worked! -- RecklessPrudence

"We still nearly died!" ranted Mr'kish.

"I made sure we didn't. And, more importantly, I made sure you didn't. The proper words at this point are 'thank you'."

"You used your livesuit as an escape pod. You shot us out a torpedo tube..."

"In my defence, I was aiming

Challenge #01438-C343: Paradise is Relative

http://deathcomes4u.tumblr.com/post/153665498898/humans-are-weird

The post: A continuation on the "other planets don't have temperature fluctuations and stuff like earth does" theme including things like humans living on/swimming in volcanic areas, sending humans to the antarctic because drones don't work in the cold, and whenever earthquakes knock everything down building on the same are a again but with better earthquake proofing. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Distracting GIF warning for that link]

Vri'thol was having difficulty with the concept.

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A 313-post collection

Challenge #01522-D061: With a Knack for Mimicry

Challenge #01519-D058: Watch What You Say

Challenge #01518-D057: Hazards of Companionship

Challenge #01512-D051: Fascinating...

Challenge #01484-D023: Subtle Dangers

Challenge #01474-D013: Stranded on a Hostile Planet

Challenge #01468-D007: Beware of Storytellers

Challenge #01467-D006: Surrender Now, or... What?

Challenge #01463-D002: Visit Zoq'in University!

Challenge #01459-C364: Dangerous Encounters

Challenge #01458-C363: Protective Instinct

Challenge #01454-C359: Wild Terra

Challenge #01452-C357: Cute and Bombproof

Challenge #01447-C352: The Gratitude of Some People

Challenge #01438-C343: Paradise is Relative