Humans are Insane

Another week

Another Monday. Another tide of depressing news. We have ten years left, as a race, to save our own lives and the people with the power to actually change things won't do it because it's not profitable.

The Muppet has a minimum of two years in office. My own political representatives are more interested in stabbing each other in the back than they are in getting anything done.

I am watching the human race shoot itself in the foot because a greedy minority prefers to have all the counters over -say- longer lives for everyone.

The good news? One billionaire out of hundreds has decided to make free housing for the community they commenced in. One. Who is going to get the finger pointed at him by a billion trickle-down economists so they can say "our system works!"

Come to think of it, the news isn't that fantastic.

If I had one wish, it would be that the people in charge realise exactly how much trouble this world is in, and how close we all are to catastrophe.

The combined efforts of programmers all over the world prevented the Y2K bug from doing anything. How about the combined efforts of one hundred companies actually doing something good?

I, for one, would love to live in a solarpunk future.

Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

a documentary series by an alien film crew about the cultures of pre-shattering nations of earth

this week Americans.

loud, obnoxious, wildly opinionated, and with a cultural love of guns so deep that it never left. -- Anon Guest

A warning to all Havenworlders: This feature contains footage of Deathworlders, containing Deathworlders, and about Deathworlders. It is intended as a cultural analysis of pre-Shattering Terran identity groups. This episodes contains multiple explosions, loud Humans acting in violent ways, and portrayals of open

Challenge #02136-E307: Sententiam Dei

War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.- gesh xenobiologist -- Anon Guest

[AN: Since the Gesh are someone else's IP, I can't slot them into my Universe, but I know nothing of this world, so...]

Call me Combat. Since the first RNA chains struggled to combine in the first primordial ooze, I have been. I have not been engaged in activity, I just... existed. Divinities do not say, I think,

Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

A single inescapable fact is that humanity united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than they ever did in pursuit of peace. -- Anon Guest

Humans are not good at sharing, they say. Their origin planet was divided into thousands of groups identifying themselves with borders, religion, and culture to define battling clusters. When all of those were in common, lines divided amongst economic, gender identity, skin tone, and creedic boundaries.

All it took was one contact with visiting alien

Challenge #02127-E298: Cruel and Unusual

"I swear, if you press that button one more time, I will end you!" -- Anon Guest

In all the universe, no instrument of chaos has ever been more diabolical than the demo button. There's certainly a Hell where the damned is a stocker for aisled upon aisles of toys with demo buttons and hyperactive children who press them all as they go by.

Swarm Leader Yrtuq is certain of this as a small child presses a button on a brightly coloured

Challenge #02113-E290: Simple Communication

"I said no!"

"You said yeah!"

"Are you insane? I said yeah, nah! That means NO!!" -- Anon Guest

"Are you insane?" asked Gork. "That is not a clear means of communicating a positive or a negative."

Human Baz glared down at the little alien in her care. "It's perfectly understandable to everybody," she said.

Gork flinched at yet another explosion. "Not to this somebody," he said. "We look for affirmation or negation first. We do not wait for further elucidation."

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Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

The Galactic community knows that the human race is omnivorous and that they sometimes prefer meat when stranded or when supplies are low, willingly giving up one dietary options to any remaining crew in order to save them. It was a smart evolutionary path that many alien scholars believed was essential for surviving such a deadly world like Terra.

But no one could have foreseen how much the human race could love meat. Covet it. And fight for it so strongly that

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

“You’re fired from the War. In fact, you’re entire adrenaline-crazy species is fired from the War!”

“Umm... I don’t think that’s how that works.” -- Anon Guest

"Breach of contract," howled Admiral Nagisok. "I've been criminally mislead. You were supposed to excel at war."

"Yeah, we do," said Human Sam.

"LIES!" Nagisok pointed out to the battle map, where thousands of points of light were blinking on and off. "You've made this war far worse than it ever

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Human: "Now you're thinking like a human!"

Alien: Internally screaming -- Anon Guest

"No. I didn't-- I'm not-- I don't-- That was sarcasm, Human Jae..."

Human Jae looked briefly alarmed, "And that was a joke, Joyse. I was kidding."

Joyse breathed again. "Good. The last thing I want is to discover that Human Insanity is contagious. Please keep your joking to a minimum in this endeavour, thank you."

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Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Humans introduce aliens to cosmetics, not all would go in their original place. -- Knitnan

Humans are well known to be attracted to shiny things. This eventually resulted in Humans making themselves shiny in order to attract mates. Jewellery is an almost universal concept, though not always universal in execution. Makeup, on the other hand, is not as universal as one might expect.

"So... you apply paint to your exterior to look more attractive?"

"Getting closer," said Human Jaz. "We call it

Challenge #02102-E278: Faint Praise

"Now look, you 'orrible little bastard, this is the last time I'm going to tell you: no more low gravity rugby in the cargo holds!" -- Anon Guest

"It's not like there's a lot of room to play it anywhere else," protested Human Dave.

"That," said Freighter Captain Jokk, "is not the problem, here. The problem here is you destabilizing my cargo hold with your horseplay."

"How can it be unstable? It's nul-grav. There's no balance to be had in zero gee.

Challenge #02082-E258: Limited Universal Communication

what if memes are a totally human thing?

like we meet aliens and try to explain this cultural thing, and they have nothing to compare it to, they don't have self replicating cultural phenomena. -- Anon Guest

The Human tripped on their own feet, tumbled, but tucked and rolled and recovered their footing in one nearly smooth moment.

"Sweet flips," cheered a different Human.

"Got the moves like Jagger!" The initial Human did a weird series of gyrations, causing them to hurt

Challenge #02071-E247: What it Was, What it is

"It's a family heirloom." -- Knitnan

Those four words, unfortunately, did not answer the question. It was old, Kelly could tell that much. It had been through much, if the uncleanable burn scars and dents were any indication. It plausibly had moving parts, but now they were mangled or rusted or fused shut. Whatever its original purpose was, it was now, effectively, a work of art.

"I get that it's old. I just wanted to know what it is. Or was. It

Challenge #02070-E246: Noncogniscent, Noncommissioned Officer

How did Stabby (from Challenge #02032-E208) get his rank? -- さむらいでわない

Shipwide notice, said the message that went to all the crew. Any further referral to ship's equipment by any name is unauthorised. Only registered crew with names, ranks, and files in the ships' staff listings are permitted to be referred to by name, nickname, or rank.

Evidently, Captain Thork'z had grown tired of the Human crew chatting about 'Stabby', the altered vacuum-bot roaming the halls. Also as evident was the fact

Challenge #02067-E243: The Trouble With Gravy

"Unfortunately, gravity is temporarily out, so we're going to have to deal with it and float." -- TheDragonsFlame

"She's not dead," insisted the Nae'hyn Priest/technician. "She's just resting."

Captain Jarth repeated her question, "How. Long. Will it. Take?"

"I tried to warn you that it was a bad idea to transfer a short-haul gravy drive into a long-hauler," said Knekkit, who was ordinarily the translator. Today, she was being the repeater of known facts. "They get used to patterns of behaviour

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A 189-post collection

Another week

Challenge #02137-E308: Ante-Shattering Presents...

Challenge #02136-E307: Sententiam Dei

Challenge #02134-E305: Terms of Combat Have Changed

Challenge #02127-E298: Cruel and Unusual

Challenge #02113-E290: Simple Communication

Challenge #02109-E286: Meat-ing Place

Challenge #02107-E284: Picking Sides

Challenge #02104-E281: Miscommunication Malfunction

Challenge #02104-E280: Personal Augmentation Options

Challenge #02102-E278: Faint Praise

Challenge #02082-E258: Limited Universal Communication

Challenge #02071-E247: What it Was, What it is

Challenge #02070-E246: Noncogniscent, Noncommissioned Officer

Challenge #02067-E243: The Trouble With Gravy