Humans are Insane

A 189-post collection

Challenge #02441-F251: The Mikado's Song

Puns: a beautiful amalgamation of the language it derives from, and that situation that comes forth. -- Anon Guest

Of all the atrocities committed by the English, I give you one that has passed into the levels of international crime, yet has also passed almost unnoticed by the law. I give you - the pun.

Words are plastic. Meaning is malleable. One word can sound enough like another to make the actual joke hit like a missile. It is a form of cruel and unusual punishment metered out by those smart enough to create them, to those smart enough to understand them. The kind of joke where the punchline is not greeted with laughter, but with moans of pain.

Only Humans could come up with a style of humour specifically centred on the mental anguish it could deliver. One reliant, specifically, on the easy confusion between words. Further, some puns only work best when they are read in text format, and cannot be communicated verbally. This is simply because the words sound so alike that they cannot be a pun in an audio-only environment. Yet, Humanity did not stop there.

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Challenge #02432-F242: Unfortunate History

"No way. A society advanced enough to even think of getting into space must live in harmony with itself. Everybody has following the rules encoded in their genes. The consequences of disrupting the system of government are equivalent to those of an asteroid impact. Of course you'd say that I'm a Havenworlder, things work differently on Terra, yada-yada-yada, but that's an universal rule... right?" -- Anon Guest

"Er. Not really. Humanity's first steps into space travel were the direct result of an

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Challenge #02429-F239: Fresh as the Day...

Due to a new find on Earth the whole Galaxy's is in a State of utter bafflement and confusion.

Even Scientists are clueless about the How.

One Human has Survived. Locked away deep underground in a sort of Cryogenic sleeping Cell, years before even the First Prototypes where built.

The Signs on the Pod says "Activated 2019. All Vitals normal. Beginning Waking-Procedure. T-24 Hours"

A Human still alive from before the Shattering. -- Anon Guest

The vault under the mountain was brilliantly

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Challenge #02428-F238: Resistance Training

being a telepath isn't easy. Being an apprentice one even less. That's why all apprentice telepath first learn and practice on their teachers, then on volunteer from mind reading friendly species, practising the basics, be it reading someone's mind, communicating basically and making the whole thing as less uncomfortable as possible.

The first true "test" is to go and listen as long as possible to a small group of humans passing by the main hall. Officially it's to make sure the basic

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Challenge #02403-F213: Come From the Woodwork Out

“My heart feel like it gonna implode, and my body feels like shit”

“Well this is the Edge, you have been awake for 72 Terran hours, two days ago”

Fun fact if awake for more than 3 days, humans will hallucinate or so symptom of insanity. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Feeling a lot like Hudson Hawk at the end of his movie RN. Check my Hub site tomorrow for details.]

"Does... that explain why you're so... shiny?"

"You could probably explain it

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Challenge #02402-F212: Macgyvering it

You know, after seeing how humans break video games, aliens shouldn't ve so surprised by the dumb things humans think of to solve problems. Also, they should practically expect said dumb things to work. -- Anon Guest

There is a saying, If it's dumb and it works, it wasn't that dumb. It should be no surprise at all that the Humans were responsible for coining it. Humans have a song celebrating how they do, or did, 'all the dumb things'. Reports of

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Challenge #02401-F211: Nothing Up Their Sleeve

After humans meet aliens, they witness an alien do what we now call magic. After a explanation it turns out human can use magic, but the earth has a natural 'magic jammer' in the atmosphere that blocks magic. Humans then push the know magic research to the max and open new doors for the galaxy in magic. -- Anon Guest

[AN: This is obviously not happening in Amalgam Universe]

"What was that?" demanded the Human.

Theroq put their wand back into its

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Challenge #02399-F209: They Can't Have Nice Things Anymore

Aliens learn about the furry/scalie communities, which lead to both awkward and helpful situations. -- Anon Guest

"Huh. How about that?"

This surprised remark was not unexpected over morning nourishment hours, since many were prone with checking their news updates. Someone, somewhere, was bound to find out something interesting that was worthy of a similar comment. Therefore, Grux, who preferred to huddle over their morning nutrition and stimulants, said, "How about what?"

"Humans..." this delivered with a seemingly mandatory eye-roll. "There's

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Challenge #02389-F199: Be Prepared

There is always an outsider. One that, although they accepted the risks of space travel, are extremely hesitant to accept any OTHER risks. -- Anon Guest

The Humans have a very apt saying: There's always one. In this case, there's always one traveller who takes certain aspects of travel way too casually... and others way too seriously.

The livesuit was one of the best ones on the market. In-suit cleansing, bio-attachments, and necessary padding in silky comfort. The manufacturers bragged that a

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Challenge #02388-F198: Nibbled to Death...

There is a myth about the Shattering. It states that the Shattering was put into motion by one human, one that had seen the future. -- Anon Guest

Five hundred years makes all the difference. For Earth, it viewed all its sundry colonies as a form of backup. Not just for the Human race, but also for the data and knowledge the colonials took with them. Surely, they reasoned, the colonists would keep such vital information about their beginning days.

Of such

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Challenge #02386-F196: Please Ask

When you have an interest, you have something to enjoy in the humdrum of daily life. -- Anon Guest

Welcome to Podunk Station. Mind the legos. This is a natural result of leaving three to five Humans largely alone for long periods of time. Though their daily duties are many, Humans are naturally lazy and figured out how to streamline the humdrum necessities of daily existence... and then sought out new ways to keep busy during their non-active hours.

Fortunately, some of

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Challenge #02384-F194: Attitude Adjustor

There always a foul-mouthed human within every group, but when there a kid nearby, they put on a mask and they're the politest creature you ever met. -- Anon Guest

They say that people who curse a lot are more likely to be honest. If that is true, then Human Nor was the most honest being in the known universe. If they came with a censor beep, others might be mistaken for believing they were speaking in morse code. Unfortunately for those

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Challenge #02383-F193: No More Pencils...

Can we hear more about the changes in intergalactic schools? (And can two of them be the removal of perfect attendance "awards" and school lunches that even the most well behaved child can't choke down?) -- Anon Guest

The Cogniscent Rights Committee had a lot to say about Terran Standard Schooling, especially that of the pre-shattering era, relics of which can still be found in Terran colonies. Nothing it had to say about the school system was polite. They tried, but there

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Challenge #02371-F181: Colour-coded For Inconvenience

"Don't touch that, it's hot."

"It doesn't look hot."

"Hot things are red on Terra." -- Anon Guest

"Uh. Not exactly," said a nearby Human. "Not all red things are hot, and not all hot things are red. For your safety, check for radiant heat," they demonstrated, holding their hand above the surface and gradually approaching touching it until they pulled away. "This one is actually hot. See?"

The tourists huddled together a little. "That is how you test for heat on

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Challenge #02365-F175: Motivational Inspiration

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iYYRH4apXDo -- Anon Guest

It was vaguely conical, and smaller than the most popular cars of the late Terran Twentieth Century. This was a vessel designed to get three Humans back to their planet after a long and perilous journey to truly hostile territory. There was just enough room for three Humans and all the samples they had gathered while they were up there.

What was more worrying was the landing craft for their missions to

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