Amalgam Universe

A 2349-post collection

Return to the Greater Dereg That Got It Right

Exactly what it says on the tin.

(#00763 - B032)

[AN: This would be directly related to Challenge #323 in One Leap Year of Instants, available for whatever you want at Smashwords]

How to run a world without taxes, Kell wrote. First: Eliminate the government. Elected officials only care for their results in the next election, leading to years of nothing done, followed by flurries of activity nearing the election season.

Public services are therefore run by non-profit organisations with client care as their first priority. Volunteers are hailed as heroes and paid a bonus based entirely on how many lives they save.

Those who wished to be educated paid their educator on a pre-arranged system based entirely on information retention. Thusly, this planet has a high mass of extremely informative memes.

Libraries run entirely on the funds from book and information rental. And are extraordinarily well-kept.

Those who care to can learn from generations past at a fraction of the cost a live tutor would demand. This has lead to a lot of ‘genius from the underclass’ stories before the idea of underclass was understandably eliminated. Social change continued along these ideals until all reason for despising another individual besides jealousy was gone.

The media runs itself, of course, going with what sells the best. And advertising costs are appallingly low.

It’s not been made easy to succeed. All the normal social blocks are gone, and in their place are others. Foreigners expecting to stay are also expected to contribute. Holidays are something that happens when the holidayer can afford to go.

Nevertheless, businesses have found out through trial and error that allowing their employees time off leads to greater productivity.

The atmosphere of the entire planet is one of enlightened self-interest. Citizens help the poor and downtrodden because eliminating poverty also eliminates the need for crime. The mentally disabled are nurtured with proper care because they would easily become hazards to the smooth running of society, were they allowed to run loose.

In fact, all disorders are equal. If cures are not available, palliative care is at cost. Exorbitant prices for medicine are unheard of, here. One sick person can make many sick people, that is why they do their utmost to eliminate sickness.

I heartily recommend this planet to the Cogniscent Rights Committee. Please take the assorted leaders of the other Greater Deregulations to this world, so they can see what their world could be if they just allowed the people to run the world.

[Muse food remaining: 11. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Numedid Meets the Birds of Earth, Part 3

Numedid meet the Penguins, finding them to be practicing Marxists with the capacity to utterly conquer the known galaxy, but have held off because they “want to see how the whole human thing turns out first”.

(#00762 - B031)

[AN: Not gonna lie, my first thought was with the Penguins of the Madagascar movies… resisting said temptation with my entire might.]

Humans called them Emperor penguins. They had a much more complicated name for themselves that T'reka the Wanderer could never

Read more »

Challenge #00760 - B029: Hug-a-Bunch

“And here we have- please put the new ambassador down.”
“But (s)he’s so cute and cuddle able!”

Ha’ri still didn’t understand how she became an ambassador to her people. She was just one of the many, many asteroid-chasers trying to make enough money to pay for more than her ship and its fuel. Especially damages.

Then a ship belonging to the strange, balding apes had come out of nowhere and she made the mistake

Read more »

T'reka just wanted to learn. Unfortunately for her, her entire species views scientific thinking as a form of insanity. And when she wants...

T'reka just wanted to learn. Unfortunately for her, her entire species views scientific thinking as a form of insanity. And when she wants to learn all about the various venomous, poisonous, and outright deadly life forms on a land mass named Toxic Island, you can almost see why. Little did she know that when she committed her life to the study of this strange and hostile land, there was already a colony of monsters setting up housekeeping. Now she’s face-to-face

Read more »

Challenge #00756 - B025: That is Not a Solution

On the one hand, that is a legitimate problem.
On the other, I’m not sure I could come up with a worse solution to that problem, even if you gave me a research grant and several years.

South-Southwest Greater Deregulation.

The problem element milled around, five yards away from the electrified wiring. Just a few inches short of the raised wire that denoted the area where the guards in the tower would shoot.

They all stared at Monica in desperate hope.

Read more »

Challenge #00755 - B024: It's Just Politics

“It’s like a madhouse, designed by a succession of madmen, each with a deep hatred of their predecessors brand of madness. And it’s on fire.”

[AN: Never in my life have I been prompted to reply with a screenshot of Google asking “Did you mean ‘the Australian Government’?” But no. I am a writer. I make stories.]

Tradition is a very peculiar thing. Things begin with reason and rationality and end in farcical imitation, hundreds or thousands of

Read more »

Challenge #00754 - B023: What is Dog?

After other species have somewhat adjusted to the whole “vicious predator” == “family pet” thing, they run into this:



That is a predator larger than an adult human, whose head is roughly that man’s torso’s size.

He is a descendant of one of the scariest predators in the world casually flopped on the couch and he loves belly rubs and ear scritches and is just a big fluffy goofball that loves mauling tennis balls - well, maybe volleyballs are more appropriate,

Read more »

Challenge #00752 - B021: Tea Solves Everything

Apparently there was an old prank tv show that faked an alien landing on an English lady’s front lawn. Her immediate reaction was to offer them tea.

Your prompt is the same scenario except it’s a real ship and a couple of extraterrestrials who had to make an emergency landing instead of a prank.

Somewhere east of Cricklewood…

There was no fire. Just a sad hissing of water vapour and the gentle ‘pink pink’ noise of cooling

Read more »

Challenge #00751 - B020: When is a Troll Not a Troll?

*LOUD ANGRY-* Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so used to people getting it wrong it’s a reflex by now.

There are certain phrases that are bound to get a reaction from any fandom. Things like, “Star Trek… that’s the one with Doctor Spock, right?” or confusing Star Trek with Star Wars. Proclaiming the love for an almost universally-hated character is a good one. And for those who follow All My Daughters, the phrase, “Why

Read more »

Challenge #00748 - B017: Informed Decision

Keeping the groups that sing “Under Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby” apart turns out not to be the hard part - the hard part is choosing which area to stay with. Do you want the eerie whispering, or the sudden heart attack?

[AN: For those wondering where this prompt came from, check out story #171 in One Leap Year of Instants, available for whatever you want on Smashwords. Please choose to pay a dollar value for this anthology]

Humans were strange creatures.

Read more »

Comparative...Let's Say 'Humor'

Shortly after encountering the Numidid, someone makes the inevitable “Numididn’t” joke. 

(#00744 - B013)

“I am Numidid,” said Ambassador Su'sin, offering her hand.

The newly-minted Ambassador for the Consortium of Steam immediately struck a pose and said, “Oh nu-mi-di-en’t…”

One of the other members of the Consortium of Steam smacked hirself in the face at that. “We’re being ambassadors, today…”

“I don’t understand,” pleaded Su'sin.

Read more »

Challenge #00742 - B011: You Stole What?

To paraphrase Die Hard:

“Now I have a Death Star. Ho Ho Ho.”

“This is your claim. A dwarf planet in a Sargasso. Big whoop.”

“It’s not a dwarf planet,” said Lenn Ybalius. She was busy watching her controls and making certain she piloted her way in on certain vectors.

“Oh, you hijacked a moon,” singsonged Prella. She had a low opinion of her business partner. “That’s above your usual standards.

Read more »

Challenge #00741 - B010: Not Quite MST3K

“Guys! Guys! I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand and I have no idea what I’m doing!”

Shayde giggled. “Awright. That one had a point. The goal is tae make fun of the movie, not the common hollywood tropes, ye ken.”

“It’s still fun,” argued a SPOEn who called herself Molly Ringwald.

“Aye, it is tha’.” She pointed at the screen. “BOOM! Take a shot!” She

Read more »

Challenge #00739 - B008: Havenworlders V Humans

Hypothetically, a universe where keratin (our hair and fingernails) is a rare and valuable resource. Accounting for the sugar walls from a previous story it would potentially be considered a strong, nonreactive material.

Seeing humans with it on must be like watching someone walk around with steel-tipped claws and spun-titanium jewellery. Yeah it’s a small fortune but a) the person it’s attached to must be scary as all get-out and b) it’s practically a weapon in its own

Read more »

Challenge #00737 - B006: Fighting Words

“Veni Ad Me Frat”, Latin for “Come At Me, Bro”.

Shayde sighed as Rael caught her out again. “No? How about ‘non me tracagnum’?”

“Don’t beat me,” said Rael. “How about you stop pulling your Hackmeyer strategies, lay off the BS, and talk like a scientist to these people?”

“It’s hard,” Shayde whined. “I’m too used tae no’ being listened

Read more »