Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Termination of Services

Flashing red lights greeted Pamela as she woke from Stasis again. Something mechanical in the Vault Complex had gone wrong enough to need repair. It was the only reason that the system had to wake her.

The only reason that those in the Cryo-vaults needed her at all.

Pamela rose from her bunk and sat in the automated medical chair. If she did not do so promptly, the system would declare her dead and shut off the power to her survival suite, leaving her to slowly perish from starvation and dehydration.

She knew three other techies had failed before she woke up. She had to police one body and cannibalise three bays before she began her long work.

The chair recognised her as human and alive, and ran through a series of randomised questions to make certain she was also competent. She had to pass these tests to live, so she kept her smart-alek side tightly tamped down.

After a mandatory meal of chemical glop, Pamela retrieved her tools from their stasis locker. Hiho, hiho...

The error the system lead her to didn't exist. Everything seemed to be functioning perfectly. Pamela checked the diagnostics. They were doing fine as well.

But something, somewhere, was going as agley as the best-laid plans of Mice and Men. Pamela snarled curses to herself and ran manual diagnostics on each and every system. Even getting into the air vents to check for blockages. It took a subjective forever, which would inevitably turn up on her automated performance review. Nothing at all seemed wrong with the system. All functioning within tolerance parameters. All noted and logged.

Finally, as a very last resort, Pamela checked every single suite and bay in the entire subterranean complex. All the spare technicians were fine. Slumbering in wait for Pamela's ultimate, inevitable failure and demise. All the medics were fine, too. Waiting for any sign that their services were needed. All the cleaners were waiting for the day that the Clients would need them. Likewise, the cooks, the hunters, the gardeners, and sundry service staff. And, of course, the Clients.

Alive and well and... Wait!

Someone had left graffito.

An incomprehensible sigil and a definite arrow.

Pamela realised with belated alarm that the entire complex lacked a security system. Of course, it didn't need one. Everyone who knew about its construction were either Clientele, Service Staff, or routinely disposed of once the Vault had been completed. The seeds of Humanity, stored in cryo-suspension like the very similar seed vault in Norway. Waiting for the day when the beleaguered planet was once again ready for colonisation.

Nobody should even know it was there.

Nobody should have survived to invade.

Pamela wasn't cleared to wake up any of the bodyguards. They were for Clients only. And she was at enough risk for taking weeks to do her job. Therefore, she made sure she had a really heavy wrench as well as her Mag-lite before she followed the arrows.

She also made note of it in her log. "Intruder detected" may well be her last words.

Whoever it was had come down by one of the least-necessary air vents. The reserve-reserve spares that were there in case of unforeseen tectonic interference. And even then, there were so many filters and processors that it amazed Pamela to even think about how anyone could have gained egress.

She logged her discovery, of course, and followed the arrows to wherever this intruder may have wandered.

The trail lead to one of the Clientele's vaults. Past where hundreds of the well-to-do still waited in cryo-suspension. Up through previously-sealed revival suites. Alarms had been disabled, but not in a way that would set off any of the reserve alarms.

This must have been what woke her. Any disruption in the circuits of the Vault Complex would wake up a techie to attend to it. The only problem was that Pamela lacked the authority to be present in these suites at all. If she repaired the alarms, she was as good as dead.

If she didn't repair the alarms, she was as good as dead.

Her options were, according to protocol, alert a superior techie and risk termination... find the intruder and risk attack, or repair the alarms to such an extent that they would alert Security and the security people would then apprehend the intruder. The only problem with that was that Pamela would also face slow death for technically failing at her job.

She decided to take her chances with the intruder. Every other option seemed to lead to her inevitable death. At least this option lead her to a chance of not dying.

Pamela decided she would devote her last days to a mega-log about everything that was wrong with the system as the Clients had installed it. Starting with how "not dying" was insufficient reward to stick to the rules. But then, "not dying" was how they'd sold this job to her in the first place. One big chance at surviving humanity's self-inflicted apocalypse.

The stair all the way down into another Cryo-vault had a sigil pointing to a service hatch. Good. Now she knew where they went. But she still had a duty to manually check every last cryostasis chamber in the Vault. The Manual explicitly stated that Client deaths in suspension were punishable by execution of culpable staff.

It took her the better part of two hours to check them all. Two hours for the intruder to pull who-knew-what. Pamela ran back up to chase the intruder. Scanning all the walls and doors for any sign of where they went. Any chance to catch up.

Whoever they were, they were not interested in the Treasure Vaults. Pity. If they had tried to mess with access to there, they would soon find themselves in mortal trouble. The Clients guarded their material wealth better than they guarded themselves.

The trail lead all the way back to the Staff Vaults. Where technicians and experts and helpers of all sorts waited for the appropriate time.

There were more empty bays than when she'd left.

Pamela checked around frantically for signs of death. For signs of struggle. For signs of any reason why so many should be gone without a trace.

Nothing.

Not even the corpse disposal system showed signs of activity.

They couldn't just vanish.

They definitely couldn't evaporate.

In desperation, Pamela crawled into the security system to find out why it was not recording anything. And got the shock of her life when she heard another, unauthorised, human voice.

"Please leave that be?"

Pamela cursed and rubbed where she'd knocked her head. "What the flying hell?" she croaked. Her voice was so unused to service that it bubbled and rasped.

"Hi," smiled the girl in practical coveralls. "I'm Astra. I'm here to rescue you."

"The surface is habitable?" she rasped. Pamela cleared her throat. "Why haven't the systems started revivification?"

A grin. "You know why everyone is down here, right? Catastrophic Climate Change and that?"

"Yeah. It's why I took this damn job."

"Without your Clients in charge, the remaining population swapped to green power and did all the other stuff to repair the damage," said Astra. "Including making certain that the Clients never came back to mess things up again."

"What?" Sudden panic. "They killed everyone who worked on this place. How-? They're going to kill you when they wake up."

"They're not going to be able to reach." Astra helped Pamela out of the service vent and began walking with her towards the exit Pamela had assumed was sealed. Where all the missing people were working to clear the dead-fall. Including some friends from the medical wing.

"What the shit?" Pamela blurted.

"It's a jail break," grinned Doctor Shanique. "We're getting all the 'disposable' people out of here and shipping the Clients and their treasures to a new world."

"They would have wanted it this way," said a maid, still in her very sexist uniform. It was filthy with dust.

"And they'll survive?" asked Pamela. She joined in with the work. It was, after all, better than dying.

"We'll make sure they have everything they need," said Astra. "Including instructions. Whether they survive is up to them."

Pamela grinned like a shark. Those words were exactly what They told her when they sealed her in.


Remember this post? Well I made sure I finished the story!

Challenge #00956-B225: Convoluted Jones

“[Name]? What are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story. I have a tank.”

“I kind of noticed by the way you shelled the bad guys and then drove it through the wall, Jones. One, how the flakk did you get your hands on a pre-Shattering Terran tank, and two: how the flakk did you find live ammo for it?”

“That’s… another long story. Better told inside. It’s noisy, but there’s headsets. And you can take over

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Challenge #00952-B221: Innovative Resource Management

They outsourced a surprising amount of their ship building (that is, they had a habit of using ships captured in battle).

People think low-gravvers are weak. Let me tell you something. A deathworlder adapted to a low-G environment is still a deathworlder.

And when there’s a hive of them in chained asteroids… you do not throw rocks at the nest.

I saw it from a safe distance and under a definite amnesty. I’m not stupid enough to cross with

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Challenge #00951-B220: Pacifying Maneuvres

We haven’t checked other species yet, but it seems to be almost universal in humans that we can’t help but at least smile, and often begin laughing, when we see a giggly baby.

The Havenworlders retreated behind their safety shields as various human factions began raising their voices.

Shayde, somehow, broke out a gigantic cup of popcorn. She masticated whilst grinning.

Someone, somewhere, pressed a brightly-coloured button.

Starting at the main viewer, every screen in the Ambassadorial Meet became dominated

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Challenge #00944-B213: One Bad Day at Station Customs

http://brutusfeels.tumblr.com/post/125690756909/haberdashing-ofshxeld-my-favourite-trope-is

Have fun!

The haughty Meyahndan in gold-coloured hunting leathers sneered down her nose at Pol. “We are Felids,” she said, showing her claws by tapping her fist against the opposite shoulder. “We are never unarmed.”

Why did her first day have to happen during an Ambassadorial Meet? “One moment,” she said, consulting the manual. Ah. Meyahndese. Yes. “Uhm. It says you have to have a permit? Otherwise you have to clip them short.”

She hissed

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Challenge #00943-B212: 'Straya Mate

Someone runs across this book. And then are told about the fact in the last comment.

“This,” said T’reka a’Nyerrik, “is a book for N’Ozzie children?”

“Yes,” said the helpful Archivaas with a bundle of similar tomes. “N’Oz colonists insisted on bringing their -ah- scientifically interesting native flora and fauna with them from Australia.”

Ah yes. Australia. The only land mass on Earth that almost rated a Level Six on the Deathworlder scale. In fact, N’Oz itself

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Challenge #00942-B211: Skewed Threat Assessment

Someone aware of how beneficial, on the whole, spiders are to humanity asks why there is such a disconnect between the threat posed by and reaction to spiders as opposed to the threat posed by and reaction to mosquitoes.

(Let’s ignore the Sydney Funnel Web, for the purposes of this discussion)

“Statistically speaking,” allowed Nik, “your species has more to fear from the Mosquito than it does any arachnid. Or pseudo-arachnid, for that matter.”

“Logically,” countered Shayde, “ye got a point.

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Challenge #00941-B210: Idiosyncrasies

The person who asked about the human Oshit reaction witnesses a human watching the YMCA spider video for the first time (and the human is not like one of my best friends, whose reaction is still “Kill it with fire!”)

K’leb’th happened to find a space to sit near an unfamiliar human. Ze was messing around with a palm-sized device and occasionally playing things for hirself.

Ah. This human, much like Cambry, had subscribed to The Daily Meme, a co-operative

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Challenge #00940-B209: Arachnophilia

An alien aware of the general human reaction to spiders runs across someone whose first response to an Oshit is “how cute!”

“Being cautious, please, Engineer Murray,” K’teth warned as she unlocked her vessel. “Security measures on vessel mine being non-standard.“

The brown-skinned human grinned. “No worries. You can call me Baz. Everyone does. Now… I know you were knocking around Pirate Turf for a year or so?”

“Yes. Learning fast, am I, there are few tech solutions to hackers.

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Challenge #00939-B208: Universal Reactions

Someone finally asks a human why there is such a nigh-universal-among-the-species visceral reaction to an Oshit when seeing one up close for the first time.

Many scientific establishments hired Humans to conduct the more risky aspects of their experiments. Firstly, because the humans were tough enough to withstand the results. Secondly, because they were insane enough to want to repeat the experience.

They also used vermin as experimental animals.

“What ho, loony lizards,” said Cambry. She aimed a lazy salute at the

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Challenge #00938-B207: Human Phenomena

An alien witnessing a human do the “Just walked through a spiderweb” dance for the first time

OR

A scholar writing a research paper on the one dance universal to all human tribal cultures, the “Spiderweb” dance.

In augmented scope sight, the web was clearly visible. And the spider itself stood out like a miniature sun.

“This spider,” whispered a lizard off to one side of the screen, “has been weaving and re-weaving its web all night. In a few hours, it

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Challenge #00937-B206: Living Proof

Another Humans Are Crazy point: most bright colours in the animal kingdom are for either a mating display or are a poison warning. The brighter the colours, the more likely it’s poison - see snakes and frogs, even compared to peacocks they are brighter (if less visually spectacular overall).

Most other animals, on seeing the fluorescent poison warning colours, are rightly horrified. 

Meanwhile, humans think they are pretty.

Of all the ambassadorial mistakes Harry could have made, this one pretty much

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Challenge #00935-B204: Human Terminology

(Came up with this and thought of a certain sawn-off lunatic, but it doesn’t have to be Vorkosigan fic if you don’t want it to be)

“When you say ‘secure on three flanks, with an opportunity to the north’, what you really mean is ‘cut off on three sides, with enemies front’, isn’t it?

“I mean both!

[AN: SO very tempted to write one of the Vorkosigan brats…]

Hwell returned covered in soot and a light

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Challenge #00934-B203: Loverly Spam...

You don’t reference Monty Python to be helpful, you reference Monty Python because you can.

On the upside, they now had an interstellar ‘ride‘. On the downside, it was an abandoned freighter. Its hold was still full. Which meant that the parental company had pulled the plug and evacuated the pilot when the cargo proved to be valueless.

And, of course, Shayde had to look.

“No,” she grinned. The tone of her voice made it sound like a good thing.

Which

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