Amalgam Universe

A 2338-post collection

Challenge #01062-B330: One Miserable Evening in a Wave of the Future Science Outpost

Strange how believing in "the greater good" makes doing "necessary evils" so much more tolerable... -- Anon Guest

[AN: I saw your comment on this, RecklessPrudence. Was this you? If so, I'll re-attribute]

Rael was supposed to be resting in his heated tank. Certainly, his body was resting, but he was not insensate. He could hear the argument going on between his creators and the owners of Wave of the Future. He could not see them, and he didn't particularly want to.

"The media is getting tired of the same breakdown footage," insisted one voice. Rael had forgotten their real name. He called them Bodge, and they were in charge of the Maximum Flaw Experiment, which had resulted in Rael's existence.

He had no love for his creators. They had made his life a montage of pain and discomfort. And they used his 'breakdowns' as weapons against the rising suspicion that the Faiize were more than they were marketed to be. Foiling them by making sure that there was no more footage to use had been a high point in his life.

"Run it through the least encouraging tests. Try to force some new footage." That was Administrator Asshole-Shareholder. Reportedly the one who had insisted on all the features that the Faiize now had. And also in charge of spinning the negative media implications into marketing genius that had the Time rolling in.

"Sir. It can tell when it's in a failing situation, now. It can even spot the tests most likely to make it break down. Subject tagged as Rael is no longer useful for media exploitation," argued Bodge. "Any Faiize over fifteen Standard Years is capable of not complying with a fail-state test."

"Then start making stupid Faiize," argued Administrator Asshole-Shareholder. "Aim for cusp cogniscence levels of sentience. Make it sound like we're attempting to comply with regulations."

"Yes, sir. But - why, sir?"

"It's for the greater good. Wave of the Future can no longer support itself on the rental fees from the Cleaners. We need this line to succeed. Or you're out of a job."

"Yes, sir."

"And ship that thing off to some backwater where it doesn't know the language."

"Sir, we're running out of realms where that's possible."

A pained sigh. Rael lived for the moments when a B'Dauss in charge gave out that noise. "Fine. Ship it off to some human backwater. Even Terran Conversational English has so many dialects that we can still shuffle it around for a year or two."

"And after that?"

"I don't care. Decommission it."

Rael rippled in distress. Still too low in his recuperation cycle to turn silver. He had two years, if that, to prove his intelligence to humans - the most wilfully ignorant and insane species in the Galactic Alliance - and beg sanctuary... or die.

He had to learn and learn fast. And remain useful during that time.

Wherever he wound up, he hoped they were smarter than his creators.

(Muse food remaining: 23. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01056-B324: For a Dog to Tear

Hachiko, Greyfriars Bobby, Fido, Shep, and every other dog on all three subsections of this list

By the way, to get the full tearjerking experience, for every dog on that list that has a full article, read it as well. -- RecklessPrudence

Etta was getting used to it, even though it broke her heart. Every day, for their morning walk, Boy would insist on trying to find his Master. The routine included visiting his former home in the JOAT sector, and visiting

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Challenge #01053-B321: Subtle(n)...

We're going to be subtle with high explosives

My favourite kind of subtle! -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things that worry Galactic Citizens about humans. The thing that worried them most was when they got very quiet. Despite the fact that a sleeping human is a safe human, a quiet human is usually involved in working something out.

Ax'and'l had learned that only slightly more dangerous was a human who was muttering to themselves. Only more dangerous was when they stopped muttering

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Challenge #01052-B320: The Way to Win is Not to Play

"If I can't win, I don't want to play!" -- Anon Guest

Emperor Gregor "Elf-hand" of Vardia always displayed his shortened hand at the negotiations table. It put the wind up the other side. They knew the story, without a doubt. Mainly because he had someone as part of his staff whose job it was to tell it.

Anyone entering the negotiations room would stare, and then try to not stare. And fail. And they'd spend the rest of the talks being

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Challenge #01051-B319: One Entertaining Evening in the Local Theatre

This video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvJZVq5_cGs I've never seen something like that executed so well in real life. -- Gallifreya

[AN: for those of you who don't want to watch, the prank involves sets of twins doing a Scooby-Doo farcical door chase scene]

Seeing it done with editing was one thing. Seeing it done live was another. Watching what seemed to be the same person enter one door and immediately exit another, on stage... it boggled the mind.

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Challenge #01050-B318: Fidelity

You can break my soul.

Shatter my mind.

Take my life away.

Beat me, hurt me, kill me.

But for the love of God

And for the sake of your own lives

Don't you

DARE

Touch her. -- Anon Guest

The human was already half-mad, even by human standards, when Kri'ko met her. She called herself Dog. Mutt on the bad days. Whenever she was awake, Dog would chatter to herself. A constant diatribe of ideas and denials.

They threw Kri'ko in

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Challenge #01039-B307: Depth Charge Demir

Getting nearly all the way to a sneeze - right up to having already done the scrunchy face and several deep breaths - only to have it disappear -- Gallifreya

They called her "Depth Charge Demir" and with good reason. She was completely silent in her build-up to a good sneeze until...

"HROOOF!" A sound somewhere between a high-pitched explosion and a small dog trapped in a big dog's body caused everyone in Mining Station Gavin to duck and cover.

And always

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Challenge #01038-B306: Once Was Lost

Kid raised by aliens finally meets a colony of humans -- Gallifreya

Pepa was getting used to the routine of guarding the Lupid delegation on their trading mission. For the most part, it was boring. And she'd been at it long enough not to crave excitement.

Boring meant that she was successful at her work.

She had picked up a smattering of GalStand by sympathetic osmosis. Learned that there were others like her, somewhere out there. Wormholes distant. Pepa could not leave

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Challenge #01035-B303: One Dull Afternoon at a Public Crossroads

Fiat lux!

Which is Latin for "my small Italian car is on fire!" (I can't remember what this quote is from) -- Gallifreya

[AN: For those who are not at all familiar with Latin, it actually means "Let there be light"]

Rael couldn't loom from underneath someone like Lyr could. But he could sneak up on Shayde as she added to a graffiti wall and conspire to look annoyed.

She had written, in relatively large, friendly letters, Fiat lux! And underneath, in

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Challenge #01034-B302: Pupup

A human is raised by aliens, and it turns out a lot of things humans like that weird out the rest of the galaxy are innate. For example the love of explosions, climbing and/or jumping off tall things, interacting with potentially hazardous wildlife, and chucking rocks into water. -- Gallifreya

They had found the survival pod some distance from the crash. And inside, a human. It was unmistakably a human. No other species had that almost complete lack of fur. Nor

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Challenge #01030-B298: Non Sequiturs of Doom

I have no idea what that means, but it cannot /possibly/ mean anything good. -- RecklessPrudence

Rael almost congratulated himself. The first Ambassadorial Meet for Shayde was going well. Like the man falling from a building in that ancient joke, it was rather a case of so far, so good.

She had made it as far as lunch on the first day without causing a fracas.

"I tole ye. I'm no' fer sale and I'm past my amuse-by date," carried over the

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Challenge #01028-B296: Explaining History

Advantage number one of having crammed our development of spacecraft into only ten years: "Holy shit we know how to mass produce so many liquid explosives that we can get to be stable for just long enough, you have no idea." -- RecklessPrudence

It's said that anything interesting enough to propel a spacecraft for long distances in a relatively short time is also interesting enough to be a weapon. And it's usually said by humans, who tended to develop the weapons first

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Challenge #01027-B295: One Terrifying Adventure in a Hidden Bunker

Person #1: Was this place built on an old well, or a burial ground or something?

Person #2: No [Person #1], weren't you paying attention? This whole mess is the result of somebody bringing Nazi Magitech back from WW2 Germany instead of burninating it like any sane person would. -- RecklessPrudence

"Ooooh," cooed Kevin. "So that's why everything is all over swastikas and lightning bolts, right?"

"Eeeh," Allie shrugged. "Sort of. My research indicates that the artefact kind'a possessed the interior decorator

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Challenge #01026-B294: Before She Met Hwell

Person #1: They just have to deal with it. Life isn't fair.

Person #2 (softly, sadly): No, it isn't. But that doesn't mean we should be making it less so. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Wholeheartedly agreed]

Two guards watched the product file from the conditioning yards and into the truck. Ready for processing. The newbie stared with an open mouth.

"Hey, if you want one, you could snag it after the buyers have picked the best ones. Bawdy factory don't mind."

"Just... take

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Challenge #01021-B289: You Know What You Did

You can be villainous all you like, little AI, but if the people writing the safeguards are competent, you get this: http://weirdlet.tumblr.com/post/131323113905/furious-peridot-witchoil-devilishdescent -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Another one I must reblog to notify that this is a thing. Also, I am trying very hard not to channel Bender Bending Unit Rodriguez]

"Welcome to transit station Eighty-Six, the asshole of the universe," droned the alleged welcoming committee. "If you've been assigned work here, then you've made some really

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