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Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01070-B338: One Slow Afternoon at Unsuitable Food Eat

EUREKA!

Which is greek for "This bath is %*£&ing cold!" -- Gallifreya

"I thought it meant, 'hand me a towel'."

"I heard it was, 'there's a cockroach in the bath'."

"No, no, no. It really means, 'is my time up already'."

Shayde, gloomily watching her joke plummet like a leaden balloon that was currently on fire, tapped the countertop for another fudge sundae. "What goes around comes around," she sighed. "And this one went around so often it's no' a joke any more."

"I told you not to do it again," said Rael.

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01064-B332: The Pros and Cons of Cute

That one ambassador that has at this point given up on avoiding being picked up and cuddled/held/used as a large teddy bear, and just gets on with paperwork (or listens/chats/relaxes/reads a book/takes a nap) while their fur/scales/feathers are groomed by whoever got them this time, so long as they don't have any appointments to get to. -- Gallifreya

[Re-using Ambassador Ha'ri from story #00761, available for purchase in the next Instants Anthology (coming soon)

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Challenge #01062-B330: One Miserable Evening in a Wave of the Future Science Outpost

Strange how believing in "the greater good" makes doing "necessary evils" so much more tolerable... -- Anon Guest

[AN: I saw your comment on this, RecklessPrudence. Was this you? If so, I'll re-attribute]

Rael was supposed to be resting in his heated tank. Certainly, his body was resting, but he was not insensate. He could hear the argument going on between his creators and the owners of Wave of the Future. He could not see them, and he didn't particularly want to.

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Challenge #01056-B324: For a Dog to Tear

Hachiko, Greyfriars Bobby, Fido, Shep, and every other dog on all three subsections of this list

By the way, to get the full tearjerking experience, for every dog on that list that has a full article, read it as well. -- RecklessPrudence

Etta was getting used to it, even though it broke her heart. Every day, for their morning walk, Boy would insist on trying to find his Master. The routine included visiting his former home in the JOAT sector, and visiting

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Challenge #01053-B321: Subtle(n)...

We're going to be subtle with high explosives

My favourite kind of subtle! -- RecklessPrudence

There are certain things that worry Galactic Citizens about humans. The thing that worried them most was when they got very quiet. Despite the fact that a sleeping human is a safe human, a quiet human is usually involved in working something out.

Ax'and'l had learned that only slightly more dangerous was a human who was muttering to themselves. Only more dangerous was when they stopped muttering

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Challenge #01052-B320: The Way to Win is Not to Play

"If I can't win, I don't want to play!" -- Anon Guest

Emperor Gregor "Elf-hand" of Vardia always displayed his shortened hand at the negotiations table. It put the wind up the other side. They knew the story, without a doubt. Mainly because he had someone as part of his staff whose job it was to tell it.

Anyone entering the negotiations room would stare, and then try to not stare. And fail. And they'd spend the rest of the talks being

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Challenge #01051-B319: One Entertaining Evening in the Local Theatre

This video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvJZVq5_cGs I've never seen something like that executed so well in real life. -- Gallifreya

[AN: for those of you who don't want to watch, the prank involves sets of twins doing a Scooby-Doo farcical door chase scene]

Seeing it done with editing was one thing. Seeing it done live was another. Watching what seemed to be the same person enter one door and immediately exit another, on stage... it boggled the mind.

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Challenge #01050-B318: Fidelity

You can break my soul.

Shatter my mind.

Take my life away.

Beat me, hurt me, kill me.

But for the love of God

And for the sake of your own lives

Don't you

DARE

Touch her. -- Anon Guest

The human was already half-mad, even by human standards, when Kri'ko met her. She called herself Dog. Mutt on the bad days. Whenever she was awake, Dog would chatter to herself. A constant diatribe of ideas and denials.

They threw Kri'ko in

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Challenge #01039-B307: Depth Charge Demir

Getting nearly all the way to a sneeze - right up to having already done the scrunchy face and several deep breaths - only to have it disappear -- Gallifreya

They called her "Depth Charge Demir" and with good reason. She was completely silent in her build-up to a good sneeze until...

"HROOOF!" A sound somewhere between a high-pitched explosion and a small dog trapped in a big dog's body caused everyone in Mining Station Gavin to duck and cover.

And always

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Challenge #01038-B306: Once Was Lost

Kid raised by aliens finally meets a colony of humans -- Gallifreya

Pepa was getting used to the routine of guarding the Lupid delegation on their trading mission. For the most part, it was boring. And she'd been at it long enough not to crave excitement.

Boring meant that she was successful at her work.

She had picked up a smattering of GalStand by sympathetic osmosis. Learned that there were others like her, somewhere out there. Wormholes distant. Pepa could not leave

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Challenge #01035-B303: One Dull Afternoon at a Public Crossroads

Fiat lux!

Which is Latin for "my small Italian car is on fire!" (I can't remember what this quote is from) -- Gallifreya

[AN: For those who are not at all familiar with Latin, it actually means "Let there be light"]

Rael couldn't loom from underneath someone like Lyr could. But he could sneak up on Shayde as she added to a graffiti wall and conspire to look annoyed.

She had written, in relatively large, friendly letters, Fiat lux! And underneath, in

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Challenge #01034-B302: Pupup

A human is raised by aliens, and it turns out a lot of things humans like that weird out the rest of the galaxy are innate. For example the love of explosions, climbing and/or jumping off tall things, interacting with potentially hazardous wildlife, and chucking rocks into water. -- Gallifreya

They had found the survival pod some distance from the crash. And inside, a human. It was unmistakably a human. No other species had that almost complete lack of fur. Nor

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Challenge #01030-B298: Non Sequiturs of Doom

I have no idea what that means, but it cannot /possibly/ mean anything good. -- RecklessPrudence

Rael almost congratulated himself. The first Ambassadorial Meet for Shayde was going well. Like the man falling from a building in that ancient joke, it was rather a case of so far, so good.

She had made it as far as lunch on the first day without causing a fracas.

"I tole ye. I'm no' fer sale and I'm past my amuse-by date," carried over the

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Challenge #01028-B296: Explaining History

Advantage number one of having crammed our development of spacecraft into only ten years: "Holy shit we know how to mass produce so many liquid explosives that we can get to be stable for just long enough, you have no idea." -- RecklessPrudence

It's said that anything interesting enough to propel a spacecraft for long distances in a relatively short time is also interesting enough to be a weapon. And it's usually said by humans, who tended to develop the weapons first

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Challenge #01027-B295: One Terrifying Adventure in a Hidden Bunker

Person #1: Was this place built on an old well, or a burial ground or something?

Person #2: No [Person #1], weren't you paying attention? This whole mess is the result of somebody bringing Nazi Magitech back from WW2 Germany instead of burninating it like any sane person would. -- RecklessPrudence

"Ooooh," cooed Kevin. "So that's why everything is all over swastikas and lightning bolts, right?"

"Eeeh," Allie shrugged. "Sort of. My research indicates that the artefact kind'a possessed the interior decorator

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