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Amalgam Universe

A 2297-post collection

Challenge #01228-C133: "Again"?

"I hate to be 'that guy' but I've glued myself to the ceiling again..." -- Gallifreya

There is a place for everyone in the UFTP stellar fleet! All volunteers for the stellar services are tested for their strengths and places where they can perform at their best! Join today! -- UFTP Stellar Fleet recruitment flier.

Second Technician Kevin Maladroit checked the maintenence schedule before he got out of bed. Slow day. Which meant it was a bad one. The crew of the Numbat had their own, unique ways of dealing with slow days. Ways that meant that he would very soon be picking up the mess.

The crew of the Numbat made their own entertainment when they were bored. And when they played, as an ancient song said, they tend to leave a trail a mile wide. And then they left it for people like Kevin to clean up, despite the fact that he and others like him were not invited to join the festivities.

Kevin was deep in the maintenance tubes when a rhythmic thumping indicated that Davries had turned on their music. Kevin sighed and got on with his work. Sooner started, sooner--

His comms rang. Kevin picked up the call with a simple, "Yo. What up?"

"Did I pocket-dial someone? Great! Don't hang up. Please don't hang up?"

It was the 'please' that got him. So very few people ever used it when asking him to do things. "I'm listening," he said.

"Uhm. Yeah. This is a bit embarrassing? I hate to be 'that guy'... but I've glued myself to the ceiling again..."

Kevin was dumbstruck. How in the living hell could anyone possibly...?

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah," he said. "How the heck--?"

"It's a long story. And a complete accident, this time, I swear."

Which implied that there were other times when it wasn't an accident. Kevin quietly boggled to himself as he completed his allotted work. "I can be there in five, tops. Where are you?"

The luckless crewmate gave their location and the keycode to the door. Not a problem to get to, even if the conga line had started up again. People tended to be glad when he turned up sooner than his generic ETA.

"Right. Be with you soon. Hang in there."

Peals of laughter. "Yeah, I'll definitely stick around."

Kevin had a few rare giggles for them. There was so little to laugh about on this ship. "And I'll adhere to protocol."

They swapped glue-related puns for three minutes before Kevin got to their room to free them. And that was how he found love in the worst ship in the Galactic Alliance.

(Muse food remaining: 30. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01227-C132: No Way Out

:From a former loose cannon/maverick's inner monologue:

But they were in a position of authority now, and for some reason that meant they didn't get to have their way anymore. -- Recklessprudence

Blaize Hartley hadn't meant to become a hero. It just sort of happened that way. She leaped in where angels would fear to hear about and winged it from there. She had an extreme knack for getting herself both into and out of the most ridiculous of pickles.

Including

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Challenge #01224-C129: Retrospective Introspective

Meanwhile, in the past... -- RecklessPrudence

Rael didn't need to subscribe to the On This Day info feed. He was surrounded by hobby historians who would gleefully inform him of any significant events as they met him. If he was lucky, they would only infodump the interesting bits.

People had work to get to, after all. And limited time meant that people only passed on the information that they deemed important. Which lead to a skewed view of history, and an equally

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Challenge #01223-C128: Known Behavioural Patterns

:[Name] thinks while hiding and sneaking with new-found allies from and around old enemies:

[Name] started a mental drinking game for the disgusted comments about how this was not running a search pattern, and the amount of things it couldn’t find, but gave up when they realized they’d mentally gotten alcohol poisoning. -- RecklessPrudence

This had to be the biggest collection of obligatory stupid guards and bad base planning since someone let a three-year-old play Fortress Defence Jr. Jain had

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Challenge #01222-C127: Phrases of Doom

Person #1: Do not worry! I will fix it...

Person #2: You know, [Name], there are certain phrases in our language - such as that one - that simply cannot imply a good outcome. Do you know what I mean?

Person #1: Wow! This really DOES bond skin instantly!

Person #2: Good example. -- RecklessPrudence

Certain phrases imply impending doom. Whenever someone says, "What else can go wrong?" the universe is likely to answer with a supremely painful example.

Whenever a human

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Challenge #01218-C123: A Big, Wet, Sloppy... Hug?

Just a snippet from a very enjoyable story, stripped of gender-specific terms:

..."I will hug you," they threatened, spreading their arms... -- RecklessPrudence

"It's impossible to swim through the Glunk and survive!"

Exhibit A, still dripping an pungent, unidentifiable goop, said, "Desperate times, all th' wards I could muster, an' some bluidy good air pockets, ye ken."

Rael, summoned to the scene, hadn't recognised her until she spoke. "Ambassador Shayde?"

She saluted him. But carefully, so that none of the glop adhering

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Challenge #01209-C114: That Which is Left

The Sedlec ossuary of Kutna Hora

(if you're interested, there's a gallery of photos here (not for the faint of heart I suppose, but it's clean bones) https://imgur.com/gallery/QZE8a) -- Gallifreya

Logical solutions can look disturbing in retrospect. Take a small area with a large population. Arable land has to be kept clear for farming, so the living can eat. There is not enough fuel to burn the corpses, but just enough to cook. Therefore, the buried dead are

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Challenge #01206-C111: Funny in Context

Someone could have been seriously hurt... But they weren't, so it's funny -- Anon Guest

Rael had could not recall, exactly, why they were in locks and docks. The gravity there was less than reliable in most places, and Shayde was one who seemed to use it to her advantage without any effort whatsoever. Rael had significantly more faith in the safety tether than his own ability to "hang on in time".

Almost all of the humans who worked there for extended

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Challenge #01198-C103: Pax Haptis

There was more added to the petting post from earlier

“we were going to blow them up, but they engaged in an oddly pleasing patting ritual and, well, it was nice.” -- Gallifreya

They had charged into a human nest that had already been abandoned. Some fired at stationary vehicles. Some fired at mannequins. Some fired because they feared for their lives. But when nothing fired back, the troup took their fingers off their triggers and looked around.

Somehow, the humans had

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Challenge #01194-C099: Close Encounter of the Petting Kind

http://iopele.tumblr.com/post/141217786307/cosmictuesdays-trynottodrown-zooophagous -- Gallifreya

The problem was that there were humans on this planet, too. The bigger problem was that there were more of them than there were charges in Braxxyx's stunner.

The only plus side was that the humans didn't know this. Or that the stunner was non-lethal. Humans were dangerous to begin with. They were aggressive if they thought you were deadly.

Do not shoot at humans, they are dangerous when offended.

Braxxyx pointed her

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Challenge #01190-C095: The Journals of Terry Six

http://soggywarmpockets.tumblr.com/post/141055057822/audiencecat-songofsunset-fireandwonder

that one with the regenerating species got more added - a misunderstanding with a much happier result -- Gallifreya

Taken from Journal of Observations: Human reproduction:

There is an ancient Terran song, one of the ones that is hard to get out of the mind-space after it is introduced. There is a refrain within it, Ob la dee, ob la da, life goes on, rah. La la, how the life goes on.

My name is

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Challenge #01188-C093: In Sense'd

1) http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/141075139346

2) Remember that mystical "sight" thing the humans have? Well my kid is apparently a fan and now they're trying to do it too. -- Gallifreya

1)

"I keep telling you to invest in aluminium upgrades," Angie sighed, adding just enough coefficient friction to slide Trevor off of the wall mount for the knives. "Why do you keep going near that thing, anyway."

"I couldn't find the paprika."

"We're out. I told you to get

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Challenge #01163-C068: With Cat-like Tread

http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/139059138214 -- Gallifreya

The humans had one question when they were invited to display some of their culture for the Numidid in Kal'rike. It was: "How much pyrotechnics are we allowed to use?"

After some research into what pyrotechnics actually were, the answer was, "None, please."

Their letter of acknowledgement and compliance read as more than a little disappointed, but they were showing a willingness to please.

Deathworlders in the capital!

The arena where they were displaying

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Challenge #01162-C067: Ready For Inspection

T'reka (or another of her species) meets a Helmeted Guineafowl -- Gallifreya

The thing about Terrans, when one got down to it, was their fanaticism for introducing things. Some of them, inherently hazardous. Some of them, frankly insane. And some, K'iival found out, previously extinct.

As manager of the Integration Board, she had to inspect and begin the process of clearing Terran species for use or contact with her fellow Numidid in Kal'rike and it's growing satellite settlements.

Some were inherently useful,

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Challenge #01160-C065: Weird is Universal

A person is the only member of their species in a group, so a lot of their behaviour is passed off as "must be a (species) thing."

Then they meet up with the others and it turns out no, none of them do that, it's a Dave thing. -- Gallifreya

In the interests of diplomacy, crews from various species' crew have been shared out into other species' vessels. I think the Galactic Alliance is trying to engender familiarity with others as a

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