Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01555-D094: What the Hell, it Goes!

It's often held together with paper clips, wire coat hangers and duct tape. But it will last 'long enough' and get you to where you are going safe and sound. -- Knitnan

Unriddling a kludge is half the problem. Engineering a permanent solution that works as well as the kludge is nigh impossible. Desperation makes truly bizarre engineering. Rael, who had spent some time with actual engineers, thought he was getting pretty good at translating kludges to semi-proper engineering that did the job without so much ductape causing so many unexpected heat issues.

And, as a semi-bonus, he could shape himself to fit any tight area. Though he preferred not to. Shapeshifting was a caloric budget that many couldn't afford. He usually satisfied himself with absorbing his bones as a matter of comfort, and re-forming them as movement deemed necessary.

This job, in the depths of some of the older parts of Topsy Turvy Town[1], was a space squeezed between ancient ruptures of two compromised interstellar vessels. Rael had already taken as many panels off as he could, but some of the resultant mess was clearly infrastructure. Leaving them off meant that the next person in here would have a slightly easier time of moving about. And he could possibly claim mass credit on the neglected metal. In addition to the cramped conditions, this kludge-work consisted of coathangers, paperclips, ductape, and seemingly random circuit boards. And decaying hot glue.

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Challenge #01554-D093: A Rovin' Heart

"Scrounger" Noun, a person or being who collects discarded objects and turns them into (a) ready cash. (b) something useful - often re-purposed. -- Knitnan

Tolerance is a wonderful thing, and more of it happens on the relatively lawless edges of society than it does in the lawful middles. Law likes to build a bubble around itself and eliminate everything that exists outside of it. But edges... edges are where interesting things happen. Sometimes, it's a plummet into destruction, but other times.

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Challenge #01552-D091: A Lesson to Learn

Something from a non-human perspective about the deaths-per-terawatt-hour rates of various power sources in the early 21st century [source #1, #2, update of #1], and the irrationality of pushing for more coal over renewables (cough cough current Australian government), or literally anything over nuclear - even without fusion - please?

...especially when you take into account that living within 50 miles of a coal-fired plant exposes you to over three times as much ionising radiation per year as living within the same

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Challenge #01551-D090: Case Studies in Strangeness

(A scientist's notes while monitoring a human's thoughts)

While trying to focus, the subject held an intense discussion with itself berating itself to focus.

If the scans are anything to go by, it has not enabled the desired effect. -- RecklessPrudence

Everyone knows that humans are insane. The extent of that insanity and the resultant dysfunctions have yet to be completely mapped. Which is why the Centre For Human Studies exist. Sometimes, people are so desperate to know what's wrong with them

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Challenge #01550-D089: Inspired Desperation

This is dumb, like dosing Tasmanian Devils with meth and then stuffing them down your pants dumb. -- RecklessPrudence

"So let me get this straight," said B'tiz. Who clearly thought that ze was in error. "You are building a catapult to literally throw yourself at the enemy ship, where you will somehow infiltrate and then suborn one of their vessels, rescue me, and leave them stranded on this micro-planet."

"Trebuchet, but yes. That's the gist of it. Trebuchet's are easier to make.

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Challenge #01549-D088: Reminiscing

How do you know I was cursing at you back then, love? You didn't speak my language yet, and I doubt you remember exactly what I said. For all you know I was paying you lots of loud, angry compliments. -grin- -- RecklessPrudence

"You forget," said Pal. "My livesuit was recording everything. I got a full translation in time, and you were cursing me out for everything under the sky."

T'tin was taken aback. "You knew what I was calling you, and

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Challenge #01548-D087: The Good Word

We all know "Abracadabra," or, "Hocus Pocus," and sometimes, "Just Like That! Just Like That!" Then of course there's, "Please," "Excuse Me," and, "Thank You," which might stop you getting hit by someone. -- Knitnan

There was one door in the Vault that had not been opened. The SPOEns had been at it for almost a year. And it wasn't often that Shayde took her Ambassadorial Yacht anywhere at all, because she didn't like to travel without Rael by her side. And

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Challenge #01547-D086: Custom Made Babies

"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other." -- RecklessPrudence

"All I'm saying is that a certain amount of strengths are needed in the human genetic structure," argued Doctor Vardian. "My plan was to eliminate genetic disorders. Not... what has happened."

"Purity is more important than anything else," shouted the skinhead in the gallery. "We need to separate ourselves from the filth that has come to

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Challenge #01543-D082: No More Tea!

"What are They doing here?" he pointed to a pile of colourful objects.

"Oh, the Tea Cosies, we find them very handy in the Experimental Maths Lab."

Kudos for referencing The Goodies, "I'm a Tea pot! I'm a Tea pot" meltdowns. -- Anon Guest

"People actually go mad and think they're tea pots?" said Kerl. "That happens?"

"Not... quite," allowed Mars, who was the head of the department. "Have you any understanding of five-dimensional math?"

"I don't think five people alive have

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Challenge #01540-D079: What Do You Mean, 'Mostly Harmless'?

Before we made contact, humans were considered a myth, the Galactic Governments greatest hoax. No one species could possibly be THAT insane.

It's very stressful for the rest of the Galaxy when they discover humans are indeed real, and just as insane as they'd heard. -- Anon Guest

Everyone in the Galactic Alliance knew the stories that spacers told of humans. Near misses. Close encounters. Abductions. Scouts told stories of dead worlds where relics of these peculiar, hairless, bipedal mammals had once

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Challenge #01539-D078: Strangely Met

The world's reaction when a ship looking a lot like a vaguely aerodynamic brick lands at Cape Canaveral, looking for some fresh fruit & veg ("Reconstituted is good, but fresh is always better"), a top-up on hydrogen for their fusion reactor ("Haven't seen a depot for twelve jumps, and my magscoop's on the blink again - old damage from some pirates, probably should replace it"), a repair tech for said magscoop ("Got anyone qualified in Grade As? It's a Lurrkon Class Three,

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Challenge #01537-D076: No Place Like It

It was a Trucker's Drinking Hole, beer on tap and lachrymose songs on the Juke Box. It didn't matter that 16 wheelers were replaced by space haulers, some things never changed. -- Anon Guest

After months of monotony, hauling whatever the cargo was, even an AI would crave variety from the humdrum. And this place was the one-stop shop. Inebriants for those on rest cycle. Stimulants for those just stopping by. The inevitable tones of Cryin' Joe Bardnaw on the jukebox, jukebox

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Challenge #01535-D074: Action and Consequence

There is a minor but critical distinction between being right and being not wrong. -- RecklessPrudence

Someone had graffitied a museum's promotional poster. The poster, being about a dinosaur exhibit, featured the ever-popular T-Rex. The graffito read, He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken![1]

There was no need to arrest the offending graffiti artist because the local paleontological fans had already corralled them and were having a Well-Actually contest. Lyr hung back and observed, just in case things got

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Challenge #01533-D072: Sufficiently Confusing Circuitry

The Magic/More Magic switch. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

Rael, fresh into independant JOATing, stared at the switch on the homebrew cabinet. A human had to have made this. The pencilled annotation on the toggle switch had two options. Magic and More Magic. Experimentally, he flipped the switch to More Magic and rebooted the kludge of a machine.

It worked perfectly.

Rael was not content to receive a handful of Seconds for this much work, and took the outer casing off to

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Challenge #01530-D069: Wit of the Ages

Stuff found written on walls. -- Knitnan

Corridor 3278B had been marked as a Paradox Hazard by the local representatives of the AI Alliance, thus causing something of a traffic snarl in the adjacent byways. Since she was in the neighbourhood, Officer Lyr Marken investigated, reading everything there that was still legible.

She found it easily. Beautiful, artistic script that read, Everyone writes on walls except me!

Lyr instantly went for the first suspect, dialling up Ambassador Shayde's personal comms. "Ambassador Shayde

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