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Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01669-D208: Favourite Flavour

 Auto Condimenter. -- Knitnan

The habits of humans fascinated Zyrik. It was why she went into food services, so she could study them in an environment where she would be invisible. She made Time off her anthropology as well as bussing tables, but anthropology was her chief area of fascination.

This latest example was a freight trucker fresh off their rig, sitting down to a big plate of deep fried potato prisms. The plate was already loaded with the house gravy, but this human decided that ze needed more. First, they bombarded the plate with salt. Then pepper. Then a thick, red sauce. A thick, yellow sauce. And finally, sauce from a bottle that had so many warning labels on it that it had to be the legendary sriracha. All this without eating a single prism.

The human appeared to be using the fried potato prisms as a vehicle for devouring the condiments. The steak arrived -tube grown, of course, the kitchens couldn't afford natural beef- and the human performed the same ritual. Salt. Pepper. Red sauce. Yellow sauce. Sriracha.

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Challenge #01667-D206: Good For What Ails You

Two words:- Chicken Soup. -- Anon Guest

Of all the dick moves that Wave of the Future performed, releasing a virus into the populations of Faiize had to be the worst. They did not, according to the press release, intend it to be deadly. Nobody believed them. The only proof, so far, was that none of the Faiize had died from it.

So far.

Rael couldn't rest in his tank for very long. He kept his home hothouse warm for comfort

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Challenge #01666-D205: High Risk Employment

Beware the old ones in a profession where one dies young -- RecklessPrudence

Fast reflexes, an almost preternatural awareness of one's surroundings, instincts like a knife blade. These are the things that make a good asteroid runner. Being able to get in, snag the asteroid, and get out without causing orbital upsets in one's wake is a skill that one only has to get wrong once for a life and a career to be over.

It's a job for the young and

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Challenge #01663-D202: Conceptual Difficulties

Defying the Gods is an age-old tradition. How well it WORKS depends on who's telling it... -- RecklessPrudence

"We're having difficulty understanding this," said Sherlock.

"I sympathise," said Rael. "I'm having difficulty understanding it myself, and I was there to witness it."

"We have the footage and the audio, of course," Sherlock played it on one of his multiple screens. "She had a permit for incense and steam[1]. What was she doing with them?"

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Challenge #01660-D199: Explosive Egress

[Scientist #1]: Where'd you get plastic explosives?

[Scientist #2]: Made it.

[#1]: It'll work?

[#2]: See, you don't worry if explosives work. You worry if they'll work too much. -- RecklessPrudence

V'tez considered their options. The downside of this situation was that they were trapped by a meteor impact and all methods of communication were cut off. There was only so much air, even in their livesuits. The odds of the ERT's finding them in time were remote.

And V'tez was working

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Challenge #01654-D193: Puppet Power

Ventriloquist dummies, Muppets, they allow their handlers to be someone quite different. Some of the more famous being Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Topo Giglio the Mouse and charlie McCarthy and his handler Edgar Bergan, (the puppet is now in the smithsonian)... -- Anon Guest

They say, If you want to find the truth of a man, give him a mask to wear. And this is, to a degree, true. But if you want to weigh the nature of a soul, give

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Challenge #01647-D186: Bad Eggs in One Basket

[On the idea of putting two Deathworlders in the one cage you have that you think can hold them]

Yeah, I mean, it's like storing all your plutonium cores in the same spot. Can't hurt right? They'll all be contained in a reinforced area anyways... -- RecklessPrudence

It was the perfect prison. Re-enforced cerametal[1] with smooth, vertical sides. The only way in or out was through a hole in the ceiling. Which was well out of the human's reach.

The human,

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Challenge #01640-D179: Wonderful Things?

[Blunt summary of situation]

So your job is, as our mutual boss put it, to "swiftly unfuck this shit posthaste." Good luck. -- RecklessPrudence

It had made the news a year before Rael was recognised as a cogniscent being by the CRC and the lawsuit began to completely free him and his kind from corporate slavery. Four years into relative freedom, and the Archivaas, Forensic Analysts, and assorted science crews had finally finished scouring the area for the slightest clue. News like

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Challenge #01639-D178: Unexpected Co-resident

What to do when a 'Skitty' decides Your space is a nice place to live. -- Knitnan

There was a cat sharing his sleep nook. Curled up in the crook of his knees and purring loud enough to simulate a malfunctioning cooling fan. It was the same cat that came into his domicile every evening and Cal gently but insistently shoved out of his doorway before retiring to bed.

He had no idea why this was happening to him. Some folks fed

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Challenge #01638-D177: The Gone Bag

Some of us have to grab what's needed and go! What we grab is a "go bag". -- Knitnan

Officer Lyr Marken had a Go Bag, and the ability to tell what days she'd need it the most. All emergency respondents had their pack of whatever they needed for an emergency. Including a coverall variant of their usual uniform, that went on over whatever they'd worn to bed.

JOATs had the Big Box, and plenty of warning that they'd need it.

But

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Challenge #01637-D176: The Last Beauty Contest

Alien species may not have the same standards of "Beauty" as us humans. Beauty contest for alien species . Maybe the Alien equivalent of the types who watch wet T shirt contests? -- Knitnan

Of all the wide and varied species in the known universe, only Humans are insane enough to judge each other based strictly on a narrow and nigh-unachievable set of aesthetics, and give people prizes for adhering to them. This has baffled the Greater Galactic Alliance, especially when some human

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Challenge #01636-D175: Just in Case Heroics

Can we please have more of O'Ranges (Uplifted Nufurria large dog/wolf mix). -- Knitnan

Ambassador O'Ranges had only one really annoying habit, and that was checking in every box left by the wayside. Even if it was upside-down. Even if it was clearly empty. He would stop in his tracks, check the box, and check the area around the box. He rarely spoke, so finding out what he was looking for took a significant amount of time.

Hitchhiker/Assistant Aelki put

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Challenge #01635-D174: The Most Unsuitable Food of All

Further to the "cotton candy" prompt, more empty calories of the "moment on the lips" variety. -- Anon Guest

Humans had a knack for making foods that could kill them, Rael reflected. Often within twenty consecutive servings. Not that anyone ever tried to end their lives that way, but the potential was there.

Take cheesecake, for example. And Rael often did. In one neat package, humanity had managed to encapsulate a nigh-lethal combination of fats and sugars. That should have been plenty

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Challenge #01633-D172: First Fair

Fairy floss, Cotton Candy whatever you call it, it was pure Empty Calories. -- Anon Guest

The refreshment booth was called Simple Carbohydrates and had display cases full of complicated things made out of those simple carbohydrates. Of course it was run by a human. Humans had had centuries to create astonishing things out of flour, potatoes, and sugar.

Rael watched as the vendor wound what looked to be coloured cobwebs onto a stick. He could smell the caramelised sugars in the

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