Realm of the InterNutter

Thoughts, stories and ideas.

Challenge #01074-B342: When Realities Collide

"No, sir. They're not green, they're blue! They talk funny and they're drinking everything!" -- Anon Guest

[AN: a doff of the witch's hat and a formal bow to Sir Terry Pratchett. You are still missed. Also I saw that reference to Monty Python, you magnificent sneak]

Kazooland, though it is a reality unto itself, is also a Corridor realm. It has little back doors to every other realm of imagination. Soft spots where you can trip over another reality without a moment's notice.

Of course, some areas are more prone to soft patches than others. Horroria, for example, has a highway into Halloweentown. Snornia, island of Dragons, has a corridor that leads to a land largely populated by rainbow-hued talking ponies.

And when your house has a hallway that adjoins a mirrored mansion in Kazooland...

Well...

Let's just say that Walter Manor can get some interesting pests.

"Crivens!"

The Spine regarded the small blue man on the shelf with his best sceptical expression. He would have used a hairy eyeball except Rabbit had stolen it. "Huh," he said at length. "We've never had little blue men, before. And -ah- what's with the crazy straw into that jar? That's a specimen preserved in formaldehyde..."

"Awa' wi' ye, ye muckle iron tattybogle! Cannae a man ha'e a wee dram in peace?"

The Spine could only understand one word in five. "I'm sorry. I have to prevent you and the property in Walter Manor from coming to harm." He made to gently scoop up the little blue man...

And the next thing he knew, there was a dent in his forehead and the irrevocable knowledge that his cooling fins were stuck in the floorboards again.

@NumberOneSilver: Attn all Walter Workers. Incursion from Kazooland detected. Be on the lookout for Little Blue Men. Language spoken... unknown.

He watched the news spiral away into the Walter WiFi for a minute or so. Satisfied that his duty was done. Then, as an afterthought, he added:

@NumberOneSilver: Robot needs assistance in Ooky Room 005. I've fallen and I can't get up.

He would later find out that they were Feegles and that Li'l Steve had managed to pick a fight with all of them at once. Also that they had imbibed anything in the manor that was alcoholic, anything mildly alcoholic, and anything that could have possibly been alcoholic but they could'nae tell, ye ken, because they was already a wee bitty pished.

He would also learn that the robots, collectively, were 'bigjob steamy scheemies' or 'scunners' depending on the mood of the Feegle and their alcohol-blood content[1] at the time.

They also had to be frisked, several times, before their ejection back into the realm from whence they came. It was amazing what Feegle could lay their hands on, and swear belonged to their great-great-grand-uncle, ye ken. Been in the fam'ly fer years, honest. Including some of Steve's 'loc beads and at least three of Rabbit's faces.

[1] With any other carbon-based lifeform, it would be blood-alcohol content.

(Muse food remaining: 23. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Gradually unfucking my house, and my life

I'm getting there. The floor needs a sweep and I might just make the brats do that because I'm having a low spoons day. When I get up from my blogging duties, I will enter another basket of washing into the eternal cycle of sorting clothes.

I nearly have a full bag to take to Saint Vincent's. All clothes that Mayhem or Chaos or both have outgrown.

I'm still hanging on to a pair of size 16 jeans in the idle hope

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 13]

Chapter Thirteen.
(First etiquette lessons, A need of physic, A silly episode, and Professional work)

Mrs Cambridge helped Iris quietly escort the metal men into the kitchen. Where thick walls protected the mechanical babies from all but the worst of the shouting. Both automatons huddled under the table clung to each other in abject misery.

Iris helped them drink cool water to help refill their boilers, and calmed them with a nonsense song that her own mother had used when Iris had

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Challenge #01073-B341: One Lazy Afternoon in Shayde's Entertainment Lounge

Is laughing at someone doing something stupid and reaping the consequences a very human thing?

"They're fine, so it's funny"

Even the idiot that tried to go sledding on a bin lid is laughing (leg in plaster optional)

"Look how far I flew when I came off!" -- Gallifreya

"What the living heck is this?" demanded Rael.

On her screen, two 'knights' in cardboard armour sat in shopping trolleys and held broomsticks like lances. They faced off at opposite sides of a

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Beginnings and endings

It's all tangled up in January. Sure, the year is over, but my Year of Instants won't wrap up until sometime in February. The story behind that being that I didn't start doing my Instants until sometime in February, 2013, and that kind of echoes on.

Maybe someone will give me a Multiple Prompt and I can whittle that gap down a little more. But probably not by much because this will be another Leap Year of Instants for 2016.

I'm also

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 12]

Chapter Twelve.
(Miss Verity Ponsonbury, The wrong kind of beast, The wrong kind of babies, and A flight in tears)

Miss Verity Ponsonbury smiled her airy smile as she tried her hardest to work out what was going on. Her dear Papa, Sir Etherington Ponsonbury, had received a letter that morning that had made him very happy indeed.

Papa had spent a majority of the morning insisting that Verity put on her very best grownup dress - she had been saving it

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Challenge #01072-B340: Pursued Knowledge

Someone that can see, or at least somehow perceive, Lewis/the deadbeats and is determined to study them -- Gallifreya

A shot of the old haunted house. Then a mirror, in which someone was wearing a headcam.

"They've left the house," said the person. "This is my chance to investigate the phenomenon. I've been living in the neighbourhood and I've seen a few weird things. I know something else is in there. They never lock their doors so I'm going in."

The

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Tough slog

New Years is still kicking me in the butt, alas. The nibbling I should have done yesterday just... didn't happen.

Other things got done. Things that needed to happen, of course, because I've been waiting for said happening for the better part of a year - if not more. For instance, the jade plant I inherited part of from my grandad finally has its own garden bed.

This plant is practically unkillable. It's gone from growing in front of his house, to

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 11]

Chapter Eleven.
(Brand new twins, Find the Lady, Afternoon tea, and The peril of a bad match)

Iris could tell that the Admiral had crept back to listen in. The arrogant fellow was in for a boring afternoon, because all he could hear was the Colonel lecturing her about his intentions for his machines. Her rare contributions to what passed for conversation were variations on "This one?" or, "Here."

At least she had the chance to keep it mostly neat as she

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Challenge #01071-B339: One Good Apple

A TV psychic with genuine ability and their crew end up on "This Old Haunted Mansion" -- Gallifreya

Pamela Aerie ran a very small psychic show on the local PBS with a budget so small that they had to recycle their shoestrings. She filmed a lot of it with the one camera she'd owned since 1988 and the help of her husband and children.

And she was one of the few who actually asked permission to guest on their webcast.

The instant

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Blurghledy

I must not stay up past midnight for another year. This shit is terrible for me.

I am not only a mass of aches and knots and weariness, but I am all that with stuff to do and a significant lack of coffee.

I'm breaking it into small and manageable pieces, today. Ere I sat down to blog, I made sure the sink was clear and the dishes washed. When I finally rise from my writing, I will sweep the floors and

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 10]

Chapter Ten.
(An absence of sandwiches, A sudden chill, Miss Iris to the rescue, and Rabbit talks)

Peter didn't notice that he'd been working all night until he heard Miss Iris clear her throat. Oh. The little table had become covered over again.

He chuckled and moved the pile of mechanical limbs. "I'm so close to the ultimate breakthrough... I've nearly got it."

"Breakfast," said Miss Iris. "You missed dinner, so I made extra."

He sniffed the air. Not a hint of

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Challenge #01070-B338: One Slow Afternoon at Unsuitable Food Eat

EUREKA!

Which is greek for "This bath is %*£&ing cold!" -- Gallifreya

"I thought it meant, 'hand me a towel'."

"I heard it was, 'there's a cockroach in the bath'."

"No, no, no. It really means, 'is my time up already'."

Shayde, gloomily watching her joke plummet like a leaden balloon that was currently on fire, tapped the countertop for another fudge sundae. "What goes around comes around," she sighed. "And this one went around so often it's no' a joke

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At the closing of the year

Before I write the last story for this year [but not the last story for this year's Year of Instants... that's another story] I thought I'd mark my progress in word counts.

The novel I'm currently working on should hit 62K today, and 63K before the weekend.

This year's Year of Instants is standing at a little over 142K, including titles and menus. I have twenty-nine stories to go before I can bundle it all up and get it out as a

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Iris and Peter Get Married (Eventually) [pt 9]

Chapter Nine.
(Acting for her life, Five pounds of snuff, A peculiar turn, and Enthusiastic gratitude)

Iris focused intently on the carpet. The Pembrookes' lessons had included acting for a reason. And now she was acting for her life, as well as the lives of all the maids working under the Admiral. Her part was now the shy and demure maid, only after an honest day's work. And one who had no clue what the Admiral was on about.

She kept her

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