You probably already saw this but here’s another prompt for you:
http://cleromancy.tumblr.com/post/69788968504/something-i-think-about-a-lot-is-what-if-alien
[AN: No, I hadn’t seen it, but I’m running with the idea]
Not everyone meets the galactic confluence at a convenient time. And rather than rousing the ire of over thirty thousand assorted ambassadors just for an introduction, a new Ambassador is sent to go on a tour of the most important planets to know about.
And ever since Earth gained a two-way wormhole, that tour had to include the primary residence of the confluence’s most insane species.
Ambassador Rox of Jaarl examined the human who patiently stood in the centre of the room.
“You are circling like a predator,” said the human. “Humans find that disturbing. And I believe you have already been informed that sniffing is regarded as antisocial.”
“Yesyes,” muttered Rox. She pointed too the tiny, silver, fan-shaped brooch on her lapel. “I am learning all social habits. In future I ask, yes?”
“That would be polite,” said the human. “As would an apology for inappropriate behaviour.”
“Yesyes. Apologies, yes. It is customary for my kind to gain the knowledge of scent from others with whom we spend significant time.” She blew air through her nostrils to cleanse her sinuses. “You are fellow mammal, yes?” Mammals, she had learned, were relatively rare.
“That’s correct.”
“Is the scent of blood a norm?”
The human’s face twitched. “You have been briefed on the human reproductive cycle?”
“Yes…?” realisation dawned. The humans did not go into season. They had a permanent season, which required regular purging of the uterine walls. A subject many still viewed as taboo. “Yes. Apologies again. There is much information to recall. And I was never very good at retaining information.”
“Please keep your HUD monocle active for consultation,” the human made sure Rox’s fan pin was slightly more prominent on her gold coat. “Remember, we do not ask cogniscents about their differing physicality. Here in this locale of Earth, it is custom to shake hands as greeting. I have loaded a quick-reference guide to common gestures and their meanings onto your HUD.”
“My immense thanks.”
“Stay close to me at all times. I will answer all questions, but I can’t promise permanent politeness in the face of annoyances.”
“Understood.” Rox had noticed the silver pin on the human’s mostly-brown outfit.
And for the first time in a Standard Week, Rox ventured out into the public spaces of the planet Earth.
Once again, she was surprised by the variance in everything. Jaarl perfected its planetary biome centuries past. And standardised its buildings for functionality and aesthetics. The differences in just one of Earth’s ‘blocks’ was frankly astonishing.
A human trotted by with an animal on a leash. “That is… pet. Yes?”
“Yes, that’s a pet. Specifically, that’s a pet dog.”
“Dog,” Rox repeated, watching the animal and the way it moved. It was a bulky beast, with almost all of its distinguishing characteristics obscured by volumes of hair. Fur. Many mammals on this planet bore fur.
The trees along the walking paths were purely decorative, Rox learned. Having fruit trees would encourage citizens to steal the fruit. Since the trees were city property, the city also owned the harvest.
Human nonsense, of course. Most other installations with crop plants allowed the impoverished to take their portion for a very modest fee.
Another human with another pet. This one was significantly smaller and defined.
“Which pet is that?” asked Rox.
“That’s also a dog.”
“But…” Rox gestured with her hands. “So different.”
“We have many different varieties. The one you saw first was an English Sheepdog. That one is known as a Chihuahua.”
“But they are both… dog?”
“Dogs. Yes.”
“…dog,” muttered Rox. Another beast, this one long and low to the ground, with its ears flopping down beside it’s head.
“Yes, that’s a dog,” said the human. She said it so quickly that Rox suspected the question of dogs was getting annoying. “A Dachshund, or wiener dog.”
Five more times. Five more different dogs. Rox was getting the hang of this. Any four-legged mammal on a leash and in the company of a human was a dog.
No matter how bizarre they looked.
And there was the largest dog Rox had ever seen. It overshadowed the human accompanying it.
“Why does that dog wear a seat on its back?”
Sigh. “That one,” said the human. “Is a horse…”
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