Myths Illogical

Challenge #01020-B288: Feel the Burn

This post: http://babblingbug.tumblr.com/post/131643642080/xtremecaffeine-copperbadge -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Reblog that post with a linkie]

"The jingles, O my Powers, the jingles..." complained Wayne, apprentice of the Darkening Arts. "All night! It just kept singing them all night... I can't get them out of my head."

"But you got it in your head, right? You can remember all this shiz?" asked Davies.

"It's a terrible price. I thought a music demon would be harmless. I did all the cantrips. I took all the precautions. But it won't. Stop. Singing..."

"Okay," Davies, student advisor to the Darkening Arts, looked through an impressively thick tome. "Ah. There it is. You have to Jazzercise along to the music. Enthusiastically..."

Wayne moaned.

"And keep going until it sweats itself into oblivion."

"Seriously?" whimpered Wayne.

"Yeah. Nothing gets rid of a music demon like a good exercise-'em."

(Muse food remaining: 22. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01019-B287: Tough Assignment

Another one of these, please: http://thepreciousthing.tumblr.com/post/121702150607/finding-flight-okay-but-imagine-a-medieval -- RecklessPrudence

He went where he was summoned, of course. Demons did not have much in the way of free will. He did not question why.

What he did question, after he appeared in several appealing guises, was why it was not working. He was the living embodiment of hot, muscular temptation. He could even do doughy, fuzzy temptation. And he did, just in case.

He could not get a

Challenge #01009-B277: What's Nice About Prophecies?

Prophecy Wreckers, Local 182 -- RecklessPrudence

"See this?" The union Chief waved a battered tome. "This is why prophecies are vaguely-worded and open to interpretation. These 'nice and accurate' prophecies are going to be the end of us!"

The Chair opened it at random. The first prophecy her finger fell on read, "Ygnorre thif ye daft olde fool. Thif if being myne gift to myne defendantf."

"Er," said a fellow member, reading over the Chair's shoulder. "I think she knew about us.

Challenge #01008-B276: Draco Persistent

Always be yourself.

Unless you can be a Dragon.

Then be a Dragon. -- RecklessPrudence

The subject stood between two doors. Three, if one counted the one they'd just entered.

"The choice lies before you," said the oracle. "You can return to the world you once knew, to the self you once knew, and only remember your time here as a dream. You can transform, again, and fly with the dragons, and remember everything. Or... you can chose to retain the life

Challenge #01006-B274: Love Cancels Out

http://soggywarmpockets.tumblr.com/post/131148066044

Any expansion on this presumably adorable relationship. -- Anon Guest

[AN: That post makes me LOL every time]

It was fairly common to see Barbarians and Bards as couples, but an Evil-aligned Barbarian and a Good-aligned Bard? That caused some talk. Especially when they started.

Both their parties had disowned them. The Evil Overlord whatsisface had essentially excommunicated Borgog, and the Good King somebeardedguy had declared Tuergar Trueheart a traitor to his people.

Tears, of course,

Challenge #01000-B268: One Turmultuous Afternoon in an Evil Keep

Hero: Powered by Love? You? You of all people, your most powerful magic, the attack that can devastate an army of battlemages, reduce a warded fortification and everyone in it to dust, and you claim it's powered by LOVE?!

Villain: Yes. Divorce rates go up measurably every time I use it.

(Bonus if it's a twisted form of a spell that would usually be fueled by the user's love, without consuming it) -- RecklessPrudence

"There's no love spell in the world that

Challenge #00987-B256: A Question of Choice

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/129256209619/yet-another-reason-to-not-have-children-you-dont

“Yet another reason to not have children: You don’t want the batspider to visit you.” -- Anon Guest

"Bat... spider," repeated Hero. "I've never heard of the like. Is it a bat with spider legs, or a spider with bat wings?"

"It's like a Drider, but with the body, wings and head of a bat, 'stead of a drow," said the villager. "It takes all but one in ten of our children an' our

Challenge #00983-B252: A Need Like Breath

A story about Medjed http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/interest/2015-07-31/the-obscure-egyptian-god-medjed-and-his-bizarre-afterlife-on-the-japanese-internet/.91149 -- Anon Guest

What a thing is life, for a god.

Belief is food and air. Believers, feeling and form. Love... O my children, love is what a god needs above all other things. You could call it 'drug'... but such as I prefer 'blood'.

Without love... gods fade.

In my first time of glory, I was not well known. I barely appeared at all on walls or scrolls. The

Challenge #00982-B251: Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter...

That same prompt from Challenge #00891-B160, but this time the FAQ is posted for the benefit of assassins, on an Overlord's (Evil or not, your choice) office/chambers. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: That prompt read: FAQ Assassins
- Business hours are 9:00 to 5:30 - Please deposit last will and testament in box below - Knock and remove shoes before entering]

They said Lord Mavolo's temper was legendary, but this... innocent-looking little plaque... It made Goodie Dowser think twice about her

Challenge #00975-B244: The Guest

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/128277134565/my-friend-is-secretly-a-mythical-creature-clich%C3%A9

Four!

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Midnight munchies whilst couch-surfing is always a crap-shoot. You never know which one is going to be any extreme from "I only eat what I hunt" to "I'm a twelfth-level vegan and I've been raided fifteen times because of my hydroponic grain garden". And on the scale between Critter Hearts and Quinoa Crumble, I guess a fridge mostly full of blood packs kinda takes the cake.

Or

Challenge #00974-B243: Entertaining Angels

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/128277134565/my-friend-is-secretly-a-mythical-creature-clich%C3%A9

Three for three!

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Mel thought it was a little weird that his boyfriend was moaning without him, and crept out of their shared bed to take a peek.

Cyrus was kneeling on the floor in their ensuite, but that was not what was disturbing. What was disturbing was the dazzlingly luminous and enormous wings that he was stretching and massaging.

The harness sprawled across the floor looked like

Challenge #00973-B242: Outed!

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/128277134565/my-friend-is-secretly-a-mythical-creature-clich%C3%A9

And another one!

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

Everyone was staring. Callie could barely move, but she still tried to scoot away from the boggling faces. They were afraid.

Fear leads to anger...

Even her best friend, Mekena, was retreating. She was the last of her human classmates to curl her fingers into a fist.

Anger leads to hate...

"...please don't?" Callie quavered. She knew what they saw. A monster from legends so

Challenge #00972-B241: A Ghost of a Chance

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/128277134565/my-friend-is-secretly-a-mythical-creature-clich%C3%A9

Here we go again! Pick one!

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

I was making tea when she walked into the house as if she owned it. For all I know, she did. I'm... well... more sort of a 'permanent tenant'. Many have tried to get rid of me. It never sticks.

She wore black. I put the teapot down and said, "You're not one of those occultists, are you? You mind your candles,

Challenge #00961-B230: One Gloomy Evening in a Dimly-lit Tavern

Person #1: Everyone knows there are no female dwarves because dwarves reproduce through beards, stone, and beer. :p

Person #2: No, somewhere deep in the mine lies the Dorf Queen. Whale-sized, eyeless, telepathically controlling the entire dwarf species and continuously giving birth to new “drones.”

Person #3: This also explains why dwarves all act the same. They’re just appendages of the same collective mind. Which is an aggressive alcoholic miner for some reason.

(Prompt from RecklessPrudence on Tumblr)

Jolli Eskutrebe kept

Challenge #00957-B226: Obligatory Baby Adventure

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/127351161618
“Dwarven baby sleeps like anvil. Wait shit, that is anvil. Where is baby?”

Hroogar the Mighty removed the swaddling to make certain. Yes. It was the actual anvil that she used for the head of her war-hammer. The handle lay innocently right next to Nagdar the Sorcerer’s staff, where it would get looked over by the casual eye.

Hroogar breathed deeply and slowly, lest she fly into a berserker rage and lay waste to everything

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A 190-post collection

Challenge #01020-B288: Feel the Burn

Challenge #01019-B287: Tough Assignment

Challenge #01009-B277: What's Nice About Prophecies?

Challenge #01008-B276: Draco Persistent

Challenge #01006-B274: Love Cancels Out

Challenge #01000-B268: One Turmultuous Afternoon in an Evil Keep

Challenge #00987-B256: A Question of Choice

Challenge #00983-B252: A Need Like Breath

Challenge #00982-B251: Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter...

Challenge #00975-B244: The Guest

Challenge #00974-B243: Entertaining Angels

Challenge #00973-B242: Outed!

Challenge #00972-B241: A Ghost of a Chance

Challenge #00961-B230: One Gloomy Evening in a Dimly-lit Tavern

Challenge #00957-B226: Obligatory Baby Adventure