Mundane Matters

Challenge #04335-K317: Essential to the Family

Some have many wives, I have many husbands. We are very happy together and we don't care what anyone else says. So bugger off. -- The New Guy

The old joke goes that you need a polycule just to survive in this economy. It's funny because it's true. You would not believe how much we save by buying in bulk and pooling our incomes.

As for sleeping arrangements - that's none of your diddly-dang business. All you need to know is that we keep each other very happy.

Most people hear "polycule" and think of one guy with a harem of at least two ladies. That's not true. Polycules can be any combination of guys, girls, and anyone in-between. Do not make me show you the chart about the "in between" potential. I have one ready. My flock? It's me and five dudes. And don't call me the S-word either. I like civil conversations.

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Challenge #04334-K316: Mourning is Broken

They set a flower upon the ground before a stone. When asked, they stated they were an orphan. But how could they be one if their parents raised them? Just because they were now an adult did not mean they were not their family's child. Looking sorrowfully upon the asker, they stated, their voice straining with pain. "In the end, almost all of us will end up orphans one day." -- Anon Guest

Lorin stared at the names on the memorial. How

Challenge #04297-K279: Hottest Singles...

::smacking computer:: Stop showing me nsfw ads! I know there’s desperate [SLURS] in my area!

I HAVE A MIRROR! -- Anon Guest

Techie Darins opened the latest alert from Systems Advertising Systems (inc), specifically a complaint from the Social Video subsidiary.

Dear content creator, the forwarded automail said, Your uploaded video has been demonetised owing to issues with your script text file. Our automatic systems have detected problematic phraseology. While this remains an issue, you will not be receiving financial income

Challenge #04177-K159: Tough to Swallow

A person was given powerful painkillers when they got hurt. Later, they were taking calming drugs, regularly, during therapy. Unfortunately, they became addicted to both. The ones that prescribed the medications now had to help the person to be weaned off of them.

(( Note - one of the big reasons there was a major addiction to drugs like oxycontin and other painkillers is due to them being over-prescribed, sadly.)) -- Anon Guest

[AN: No worries, OP, I have witnessed several "miracle drugs"

Challenge #04019-K001: Careful Scrutiny

What looks like an ordinary cat is sitting on the slightly crumpled lip of a garage awning. However, those that can see through the illusion realizes it's a young dragon watching the humans quietly. -- Anon Guest

As far as domestic cats were concerned, this one was a bruiser. Larger than the average housecat, and clearly a shorthair. It was also clearly nestled on a bent portion of roof. Some humorous images could circulate if anyone paid attention to it.

In this

Challenge #04001-J349: Weirdest Roommate Ever

A: So I’ve got a spider in my apartment…

B: Spiders are actually good, just leave them alone.

A: Wait, really?

B: Yeah, they eat other pest, so it’s better to keep them around.

6-feet spider: I αɱ αʅʅ ƚԋαƚ ʂƚαɳԃʂ Ⴆҽƚɯҽҽɳ ყσυ αɳԃ ɾσαƈԋҽʂ Jσʂҽρԋ. Yσυ ƈԋσʂҽɳ ɯιʂҽʅყ ƚσ υρԋσʅԃ συɾ αʅʅιαɳƈҽ, ɱყ ϝɾιҽɳԃ.

If you can't read the glitch texts it said "I am all that stand between you and the roaches Joseph. You have chosen wisely to

Challenge #03929-J277: Typical Tabletop Talk

P: “Calcium is a metal right?”

DM: “Right…”

P: “Ergo it’s affected by heat metal”

DM: “go on…”

P: “I cast heat metal on his skeleton”

DM: “… f*<£ it I’ll allow it”

[several turns later]

“As the evil wizard succumbs to his wounds, with his final breath,

He summons a Rust Devil” -- Anon Guest

"Wait. What?"

"Rust. Devil. An infernal variant of the rust monster." The DM at the table, Yaz, grinned. She was radiating smugness. "They have

Challenge #03922-J270: Sole Area of Genius

"How often do we have to go through this? I love you, you silly furball, but do NOT try sniff at my cactus! I don't HAVE any shelves higher and I'm tired of pulling thorns from your nose!" -- Anon Guest

Some cats, every cat person knows, reserve their brain cells for specific purposes. When it comes to that specific area of expertise, they're absolute little fluffy geniuses. For everything else... their brains may well be made of sawdust.

Case in point,

Challenge #03824-J172: Bros Helping Bros

A: I wish someone would take me out

B: on a date or with a gun? -- Anon Guest

[AN: Offensensitivity warning for self-harm talk]

The silence between them was far too long as Milo thought about it. So long that Damian looked over to his friend in growing concern.

"Dude, that was meant to be a joke."

"I mean... possibly?" said Milo, still frowning in thought. "But also taking it seriously is making me realise I'm in a fuckin' terrible place.

Challenge #03805-J153: Got 'Em!

Power goes out, kids are whining about having nothing to do. And whine even louder when the parental says, "Well, at least we have books." -- Anon Guest

Rennie took three deep breaths as Kody and Vince continued their howling. Of course, being forced to do reading was tantamount to homework and therefore the worst torture in the world.

"The other option is housework," said Rennie, immediately calming the boys down about their immediate future. "We can make it fun."

Kody and

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A 10-post collection

Challenge #04335-K317: Essential to the Family

Challenge #04334-K316: Mourning is Broken

Challenge #04297-K279: Hottest Singles...

Challenge #04177-K159: Tough to Swallow

Challenge #04019-K001: Careful Scrutiny

Challenge #04001-J349: Weirdest Roommate Ever

Challenge #03929-J277: Typical Tabletop Talk

Challenge #03922-J270: Sole Area of Genius

Challenge #03824-J172: Bros Helping Bros

Challenge #03805-J153: Got 'Em!