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A 4907-post collection

Challenge #00386 - A021: One Disastrous Afternoon in the Offices of the Cogniscent Rights Commission

Certain dogs, when Uplifted, reverted to certain forms of speech.  Pugs, for instance, always tended to sound…..minionish.  Sort of Peter Lorre-esque, if you would, but with more lithping. “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!” proclaimed the first woman to Uplift a dog.  "Much more pleasant than the shrill voices of Maltese and Shih Tzus, don’t you think?  Not sure what’s up with the poodles - no matter what the size, they sound a lot tougher than you’d think, especially the little ones.“  And pit bull rescuers everywhere rejoiced when Uplifted pit bulls turned out to have mellow, easygoing voices that ran completely against their harsh reputation.

It is common for dog owners to say, ”(S)he thinks (s)he’s people!“ when speaking of their pet. Then came the genetic tinkering fad known as Augmenting. Artificially raising a companion animal to a stage where they were at least cusp-cogniscent and the topic of basic civil rights reared its un-telegenic head.

But periodic enquiries about registered Augments were nothing compared to the legal tangle that was Nufurria.

Pets uplifted to cogniscent status. The Uplifted then interbred with others on Nufurria. Especially their human masters.

But their core traits still remained. They were still dogs. And cats. And horses.

Jenrii summoned a smile for her next client. A cogniscent of Pit Bull descent. All muscles and intimidating, top-heavy bulk. There were scars of old battles all over him, but he sat down as meek as milk.

"What’s your name?”

After twenty aggressive poodles, Jenrii half-expected more snarling, but she got a, “Please, my name is Rough Patch, thank you ma'am,” in the softest, gentlest voice ever possible.

“And what did the humans have you doing on Nufurria?”

Now his voice got smaller. “…theyhadmefightinginapit…”

Humans. The instant they established a monoculture on the planet, technology and society both collapsed into sheer barbarism. “I take it you didn’t like that.”

“No! Sorry. It was horrible. I didn’t want to, and they said they’d kill my pack-mates in front'a me if I didn’t and…” tears fell. Jenrii handed over a box of tissues. “Thank you ma'am.” he mopped his face. “The worse i was, the better things got. Except for the ones I beat.” Sob. “They died. I’m so sorry about that…”

“It’s okay,” soothed Janrii. Inside, she seethed. “You were not in control. You can be in control now, with help?”

His demeanour changed instantly. His tail wagged shyly. “Really? What do I gotta do, please?”

Janrii ran through his current options, which included legal action against his owners and seeking reparations for the families of the dead. Then there was schooling in the very wide range of educational possibilities. Followed by a basic run-through of galactic ally accepted cogniscent rights.

“Please, ma'am? Our… our pups.”

“Yes. What about them?”

“Uplifting… doesn’t breed true. The humans decide which ones… get the treatment. It’s almost torture for the poor babies, but… we don’t like to see them become… just dogs.”

Great. Another legal wrinkle in the already rumpled fabric of justice.

“We have a B'Nari gene consultant team already on staff. If anyone can work out your genes to your satisfaction. I’ll send them a memo and set up an appointment for you and your chosen spouse.”

“Excuse me, ma'am. Does this mean no more tortured babies?”

“Yes, Mr Patch. No more tortured babies. No more… development troubles either. It may take some time, but Uplifts will be recognised as a legitimate cogniscent species.”

He fell across the desk between them and licked her face half off. Janrii had to get used to dog gratitude. There were plenty more to interview, yet.

A whole planet-full.

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Challenge #00385 - A020: Best Frienemies

Any lingering animosity between them vanished, replaced by a combined resolve to horribly embarrass their sons.!

"KNEEL, PUNY MORTALS!”

“Da-a-a-a-ad…”

“AVAUNT, MISCREANT!”

“Da-a-a-a-ad…”

Two sons shared a sympathetic look of mutual mortification as their parents started a war in the parking lot of their new grade school. Both wanted, but lacked the power, to dig themselves a foxhole in the tarmac and never come out again.

The rest of the playground

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Challenge #00384 - A019: Seriously?

a particularly nasty paradox tangle involving one monstrous salamander, sixteen copies of a popular children’s book, and a length of lead pipe”

“No. I heard it was Kudzu, unrestrained cheese and a goldfish.”

“No way. It was mouldy bread, a pile of newsprint and a tribe of cusp-cogniscent mice.”

“I swear it was the one about the hippopotamus, the hedge and the piano.”

“I thought it was just a blockage in a

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Challenge #00383 - A018: Please Understand

“Darling, I love you, and I could never be scared of you. However some things you do will terrify me on a primal level, so please do not be offended that I practically teleport off the couch every time you do that scree-ah noise.”

“You mean this one?” Scree-ah!

“EEE!” Pant pant pant. “Yes. That’s the one. Gets me right in the primitive cortex.”

“Even with a warning?”

“Yes,

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Challenge #00379 - A014: One Fine Afternoon Whilst Escorting the Ambassador From Jaarl

You probably already saw this but here’s another prompt for you:

http://cleromancy.tumblr.com/post/69788968504/something-i-think-about-a-lot-is-what-if-alien

[AN: No, I hadn’t seen it, but I’m running with the idea]

Not everyone meets the galactic confluence at a convenient time. And rather than rousing the ire of over thirty thousand assorted ambassadors just for an introduction, a new Ambassador is sent to go on a tour of the most important planets to know about.

And ever

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Challenge #00377 - A012: Fandom Follies

You mentioned once in a fic that Kurt was a B5 fan.  Mind ficcing more about that?  (I’ve been bingeing on B5 lately).  Bonus if Sara is involved.  ^_^

“And then Marcus pops up out of nowhere an–”

“Wait. This is a fanfic, ja?”

“Ye-es. What part of AU did you fail to understand?”

“The AU part. I was hoping further conversation would help me decode you.”

“Just put your hand

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Challenge #00376 - A011: Unconventional.

Dogs on an interplanetary space station. What could possibly go wrong?

[AN: Here’s one I did earlier… But I presume you mean non-augments, so…]

The galactic community were just barely getting used to humans. There were large numbers of cogniscents who tended to run and hide when they spotted even a small one. Luckily, many humans did not view this as an insult and, in fact, some found it amusing.

The galactic community were also barely accustomed to

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Challenge #00375 - A010: Animal Associate

The concept of pets is an odd one to explain, although firsthand experience tends to fill in the gaps you can’t quite articulate. And when pets are involved experience is going to happen whether it is planned or not.

Jane figured she should get used to aliens feeling her. They didn’t mean to be rude, she knew. They were just curious.

But, she swore to God, if one more of them tried to taste her hair…

One

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Perks of a new job

Did I mention that one of the perks of this job offer is that you get to burn down your current office? – RecklessPrudence

(#00374 - A009)

Amycus Carrow looked at the pink mess in front of him. The kitten plates were gone, but the abundance of pink remained in the office like a pall of death.

Delores Umbrige hadn’t cleaned up after herself when she was taken for psychiatric assistance.

Behind him, Headmaster Severus Snape caught his aura of

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Challenge #00373 - A008: Madthod

‘Is there really method to your madness, or just a functional madness successfully disguising itself as method?’

‘Both, of course, the precise proportions varying according to time and place.’ – RecklessPrudence

Rael watched helplessly as Shayde ‘wreaked hob’ on the enemy systems. She was cackling.

His own instincts to fix were not a problem in this situation. Digesting the poison they’d tried to use on them was. It was doing things to his internal systems that was, frankly,

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Challenge #00372 - A007: T'reka the Unobservant

Missing the forest for the exotic small mites living under the feathers of the woodpecker. – RecklessPrudence

She was focussed intently on the little bird on the branch above her. Of course, as an avian herself, birds were nothing new. But this little creature was like nothing that came from the records of Hu'lu'a. It did not scratch or pick at the bark between her and the grubs. It hammered at it.

Toktoktoktoktoktoktoktok…

She could infer that this creature had protection

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Challenge #00371 - A006: Lovely Light

He was not so much burning the candle at both ends as he was hosing it down with a flamethrower. – RecklessPrudence

He knew he never had very long, and his habits almost personally guaranteed it. Self-maintenance was limited to a brief encounter with the toothbrush once a morning, a shower simultaneously, and whatever food seemed the most convenient at the time.

Those who cared for him told him not to burn his candle at both ends. He ignored them.

Too much

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Challenge #00370 - A005: Cursed Curses

I get that it’s a curse, and it’s supposed to be horrendous and probably means I’m going to die in some terribly gory manner in a few days time, but did it have to be so damn cheerful? And the song is so peppy and catchy. This is like the opposite of what an evil curse is supposed to be, I feel vaguely cheated somehow.

[AN: Forgive the horrible poetry]

“You found the tomb/ You

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More sound advice

When you are aboard an alien construct of uncertain design and purpose, you touch nothing! You have no way of knowing if a lever could vent the atmosphere into space…if…if a switch could activate flesh-eating nanobots! Until you have studied everything, you have to assume that this station’s sole purpose was to isolate and destroy you personally! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! – RecklessPrudence

(#00369 - A004)

Humans.

The very word quickly became an agonised plea to the

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Sound advice.

Whoa whoa whoa… stop right there! What have I told you both? We do not…ever…goad the universe! –RecklessPrudence

(#00368 - A003)

Herman’s hand was covered in chalk. He had run out of blackboards and was now working on the walls. “If. We. Can. Synthesize. A breach. In space. And time…”

“In orbit,” said Newt.

“We could… theoretically…”

“Warp the space-time continuum and travelvastdistancespreviouslyunknowntoman! Jus'thinkofallthediscoveries!

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