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A 4907-post collection

Challenge #00401 - A036: Assistant's Assistance

Once nonhuman Terran species were uplifted into greater levels of sentience, the concept of ‘service animal’ changed a great deal.  (I wanna see how that concept would apply to sentient nonhuman Terran species..  Like, a blind sentient cat with a seeing-eye ferret or something - you get the gist)

Augments were legal. Uplifts were not. Especially not Uplifts like the unfortunate populations teeming about Nufurria.

They existed, and because they existed, the Galactic Alliance had to help them. No cogniscent species, however they came to being, deserved to have their basic rights denied. Which, in a long list of basic rights, included the right to assistance for a disability.

Mau had been deliberately blinded so she could not visually identify any of her former master’s clients. The previous law of Nufurria, before the Galactic Alliance came to the rescue, meant that many administrative assistants were not only blind, but confined to precisely-arranged suites and offices. Withheld from access to the simplest forms of freedom, like the ability to go out and do things for oneself.

Over, now.

But that didn’t stop Mau from flexing her paws nervously against her own knees. Nor wincing as her claws bit into her flesh. Her ears flicked this way and that. Trying to make sense out of an unfamiliar environment.

“Miss… Mau. Is that your only name?”

“It’s the only one I know. You’d have to check my former master’s printed files.”

“Would you like your sight restored, Miss Mau?”

“I…” she fumbled. She’d been trained to give pleasant, rote answers and had to fight to keep the phrases down. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I was told since I was blinded that being blind was a good thing. It made me… more valuable.”

“Well, you can always make up your mind at a later date,” said the counsellor. “In the meantime, there are options for assistance, both temporary and permanent.”

“I would prefer… the less expensive options?” Her claws flexed against her flesh again. Her species-specific desire to dig her claws into something for comfort was working against her. So was the thing, cheap fabric that her rescue squad had re-dressed her in. When and if she had an independent life of her own, she would wear thick, tough cloths below her waist. Denim. Corduroy. Fleece. Thick and able to deflect her own claws from injuring her.

“Given your grip problems, I’d forgo the stick,” said the counsellor. “And a regular animal , even with training, would slip a leash.”

“I was told you could give me better hands?”

“Yes, but they take time. Your freedom of independent action is vital for emotional recovery. The good news is that we have a B'Nari facility that can whip up an Augmented service animal for you in less than a week. Training would only take a week more. Two weeks at the utmost.”

“And hands would take…?”

“The better part of a standard year. The retrogenetic therapy and surgical procedures, combined, will mean months of painful recovery and physiotherapy.”

“I want to hold things and not drop them,” said Mau.

“Very well. I’ll add that to your file.”

*

The technicians insisted she be present for the uncorking. Someone to her left described her new friend while someone to her right guided her paws so she could 'see’.

So the Augment could smell her.

Soft, sniffing nose. Wet, warm, prickly fur. Sloping snout. Flexible ears.

“Hello,” she said. “My name is Mau.”

The snuffling and sniffing became ernk ernk noises. “I has name?” said a childlike voice.

Mau was instantly lost. She was made to help, but not be creative. She let go of her new friend before her anxious talons came out and hurt the poor baby.

Minutes old. Born with a functional vocabulary and elementary knowledge of the world. But not a name.

“Go ahead,” coaxed her helper. “Let her have a name.”

Mau thought hard. Of all her master’s clients, there was one woman who was kind to her. Who helped her whenever she dropped things. Who spent spare moments in the waiting room describing colours in terms of textures, smells, tastes and sounds. There was no other name for a creature who would help her.

“Your name is Mimi.”

Mau learned that Mimi owed a greater part of her heritage to pigs, since dogs and cats rarely mixed well once one had had a bad experience with the other. Mimi learned that Mau couldn’t see, and how to guide her through various obstacle courses. Mau learned to be careful of Mimi’s hind feet - still mostly trotters. Mimi learned to be careful of Mau’s claws.

*

Through the crowd. Her hand on Mimi’s fuzzy shoulder. The noise of perpetual babble slightly muffled by the knitted hat that replaced the fur she had been born without.

“It’s a big day,” Mimi chattered on. “Nobody else knows, but we know. It’s gene-counsellor day, today.”

“Yes, it is,” said Mau. She was well used to Mimi repeating information Mau had given her. It made the silences and the noise alike less lonely. “Dear Mimi… would you stay with me if I got my eyes back?”

“Yeahsure!” Mimi wiggled with glee. Her tail must be wagging again. “We could see things together and do puzzles and I have so many things I want to share!”

“Then I think I shall see about getting new eyes, too,” she decided.

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Challenge #00400 - A035: The Growing List of Things Rabbit Should Never Do Again

“And that’s when I discovered my hoodie could get stuck on my nose”

“She walked in-to a pole five times,” added Hatchworth.

“What? It was a fre-freindly p-p-pole.”

“Not that friendly,” noted The Spine. “It knocked half your face off.”

“It was t-t-t-t-tryin’ ta help, Th’ Spine. Not its fault it doesn’t have hands.”

“I did try to tell them that this was

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Challenge #00399 - A034: Creative Critiquing

An excellent “non-sequitur, thud”. 8.4, minus a 0.5 because you didn’t faceplant into the convenient messy food. 

When one has a real, live almost-human from Earth’s twentieth century as a resource, one can expect a certain amount of things. Revivals, for instance. Things got dredged up from the extensive lists of entertainment footage in possession of the Archivaas. T-shirts made a comeback when they really should have stayed away.

Disco came back from the

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Challenge #00398 - A033: Come for the Spectacle...

Inspired by this: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/weird/NATL-Mom-Eats-Monstrous-Steak-in-Under-3-Minutes–239490021.html

Competitive eating may have been a thing before humans or it may not have, but they certainly made it more interesting: It suddenly jumped three rating warnings, and became a spectator sport for those brave enough to watch.

The first interspecies restaurant had a glass-walled enclosure for the humans. Polarized glass walls. Those who did not wish to view human eating habits could purchase or rent shields for their

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Challenge #00397 - A032: Performance Peace

The much anticipated performance piece entitled, ‘Ask a Rude Question, Get an Honest Answer

Naturally, it was a human who did it. The Galactic Congress, just getting used to the idea of humans as a recognised cogniscent and not a dangerous animal, attended in droves.

Even the common throng, who usually avoided ambassadorial exhibitions like the plague, attended.

Every performance was guaranteed to be unique, because every audience was a mixture of the curious and the vocal alike.

The artist sat in

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Challenge #00396 - A031: To Stop Human

After all those dramas and documentaries about how terrifying they were, you’d think somewhere it would have been mentioned how surprisingly ineffective stabbing was against humans.

(“multiple stab wounds” is a critical but in a lot of cases not actually immediately life threatening situation unless one hits a major blood vessel or one of the more important organs. Survivors with over 100 have happened a few times)

Taken from the Lectures of Koq'riix the Human Slayer:

They call

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Challenge #00395 - A030: Drunk Physics

They’re arguing in the manner of inebriated scientists, which is to say semi-incoherently, passionately, and with citations.”

“Na, na, na, na… ‘E wasnae sayin’ tha’ black holes don’t exist… 'E was sayin’ th’ math w’s easier if'n they didn’t.”

“But that’s… that’s… that’s… thassnot the quote pipple use…”

“Aye, an&

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Challenge #00394 - A029: It Came From Planet Earth

*totally wasn’t rereading old daily stories for art ideas, nope not me*

You’ve got a few titles for the horror movies, books, tv shows and assorted media starring humans before proper first contact was made scattered in the daily drabbles, may we see one?

[AN: Of course I’m not going to write the whole thing]

They thought they were safe inside the base. But then, they thought that sprinkling their crops with capsaicin would stop the

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Challenge #00393 - A028:

The Dragon and the Banana

Redscale the Magnificent landed in a clearing near the adorable little village with the thatched-roofed cottages and blew a plume of fire into the air.

“Deliver your gold to me or face the consequences,” she roared.

Her cunning plan was immediately foiled by a native asking, “What’s gold?”

Redscale the Magnificent attempted to explain. “Uh… It’s shiny. Yellow. Comes out of the ground. Most of you squishy

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Challenge #00392 - A027: Interspecies Relationships

“I think its cute how a human’s normal reaction to a loud noise is to make a loud noise back”

Love is many things, as a great writer once wrote, none of them logical.

This is true across the species, but with the humans? Only more so.

K'iiv had been holding the Noise back until his beloved mammal, Del, was fully awake and not holding anything hot or spill-able.

“I pretty much have to do the thing,

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Challenge #00391 - A026: Ride the Pony

It says something about us as a species that we can see the most badass creature in any given biome, the one that not even the top predators will go near, and decide “I am going to ride that.”

They should never have gone planet-side, no matter how much Hwell complained about ‘cabin fever’. And, once they went planet-side, they definitely didn’t have to go on a tour.

And they certainly should never have gone on

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Challenge #00390 - A025: Ferocious Flavour

Something about the other alien species and the sheer amounts of food that humans eat that would digest us alive if we didn’t digest them first. Maybe a human explaining why we want that legalised to be imported on to a space station (because nobody likes eating nothing but space bran flakes)

“Council will hear…” T'rev moaned. “The Human Coalition.”

“As secretary of the Human Coalition on this station, I receive numerous petitions and

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Challenge #00389 - A024: Killer Mutant Zombie Human

“You know, considering how resilient humans are most of the time it’s a bit surprising that their reproductive system is so unprotected, especially the males.”

*pained moaning from just offscreen* 

This was beyond surreal. Sitting next to a human (well, technically human) and watching an ancient, speciesist movie with a human starring as the main antagonist. With the unbelievable knowledge that the human had instigated this.

He had asked why, but her answer made no sense. “Because

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Challenge #00388 - A023: The Sad Misadventures of Hwell Barrow

“So that’s how I accidentally wound up in an alien porn film.”

Bailing Hwell out of legal custody was nothing new. What was new was that he was naked, save for layers of assorted, melted and melting cheese. All of which he was busy licking off of his hairy arms.

Ax'and'l looked down at Hwell and his expanding mess and squeaked, “In your own words: what the flying hell, Hwell?”

Hwell continued chewing a long string

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Challenge #00387 - A022: The Biggest Game of Fetch

Buddy the golden retriever/lab mix, and Igor, his thinking-brain Pug.  Two Uplifted dogs, trekking together across the universe.  

Their winnings from the Great Nufurria Lawsuit had paid for the custom space suits that allowed them to sniff out the universe. Which was very important, because Buddy tended to lead with his nose.

“Play time? Play time?” Buddy panted.

“Almost, my friend,” Igor said, sounding for all the worlds like Peter Lorre. “You see the ship? We&

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