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A 4934-post collection

Challenge #00992-B261: It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means...

Expanding on http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/119713605994/challenge-00850-b119-one-fine-bar-fight-at-a (aggression of one species very similar to flirting for another)

Someone tries their absolute hardest to start a fight with a human, or just scare them off or something (maybe there is a bet going?) And gets unexpectedly dipped. Kiss optional.

Alcohol was one of the more common registered inebriants, so Intoxicant Bars always came with a semi-flammable miasma. One such establishment was The Unlikely Mammal Drink. A bar run by a saurian who had heard of other establishments with names like The Red Lion or The Blue Cat and figured out the pattern.

And in such a Galactic Establishment, things... happen. Things that encourage a sensible publican to invest in ceramisteel or pliable silicone beverage containers. And keep the bottles away from a certain class of clientele.

Put it this way.... There are those for whom the glass is half full. There are those for whom the glass is half empty. Then there are those for whom the glass is a weapon to use against that flakker who just nicked me pint.

And tonight, The Unlikely Mammal Drink was bristling with them. The Galactic Alliance's collection of roughest, toughest Deathworlders. Pirates, scavengers, and ne'er-do-wells, all.

Except, perhaps, for Tammy.

She wore Engineer Blues. She sat alone at a table, clearly enjoying a Fluffy Navel in a Party Hat[1] through a twisty straw. And clearly unaware that she sat in an island of solitude in a Two Distance Unit radius. She was currently humming along to the music.

Some of the nastier regulars would have been taking bets on how much longer she had to live, but this was a human. That changed the odds significantly.

Currently, they were quietly daring each other to go and pick a fight. The mere presence of a Fluffy Navel in a Party Hat should have been enough to get Tammy evicted by the other clients... but many of them had tangled with humans before and come off second best. They were carefully selecting the roughest and toughest of the already rough and tough clientele.

H'rugaz, who ran the bar, sensed the mood of the room and wisely chose to polish hir beverage containers behind the shielding ze'd installed for such events.

Finally, Gorkax the Destroyer emerged from the committee and made his way over to Tammy's table. It was a very good intimidating walk. Taking up as much space as he could and showing off both his muscles and his unnecessarily spiky armour.

"Human," he roared, only slightly startling Tammy out of her musical reverie. "Let's dance."

"I thought no-one would ask," chirped Tammy. She grabbed both of Gorkax's hands and cheered, "Turn up the volume, please, H'rugaz!"

Gorkax the Destroyer found himself in the chaotic grip of a Deathworlder. He could barely keep his feet under her powerful manipulations, let alone struggle against her grip. She moved both his body and hers around in time to the music.

She was playing with him?

And, at a climax to the melody, she bent him over backwards in a clear submission posture. Then she laid her mouth against his cheek.

A kiss?

"Any time, handsome," said the human. Her eyes were twinkling.

Gorkax wasn't sure what had happened, but... on the plus side, he had a date.

[1] Part "Fluffy Critter", part "Fuzzy Navel", part "Skittle Bomb", part "French Connection" and part "Alabama Slammer". Served in a deep, conical glass with a selection of streamers attached to the swizzle stick. Classier places add a scatter of rainbow sprinkles to the top.

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Challenge #00991-B260: What is 'Painting'?

More about humans and their ridiculous "sight" -- Anon Guest

[AN: For those too busy to go look it up, the original instalment is here]

The pirates the crew had just soundly trounced had a treasure of art works in their lair. Including a baffling array of rectangular, flat objects. Lieutenant-Commander Jain, however, almost had a conniption.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with those. They're paintings. Care-ful. That's art." Ze almost snatched a rectangle from Ensign Ch'koff's hands. "We have to put these

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Challenge #00990-B259: One Dull Morning in a General Supplies Store

The helgoq leaf (http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/125201724094/challenge-00914-b183-cautious-eaters) being used/marketed as a human repellant. -- Anon Guest

The really beautiful thing about a truly open market was that things moved astonishingly quickly. No snake oil, just things that worked, and worked best at what they were for.

Though there were a few 'alternative uses' that made for interesting discussions...

Shayde found one such item in the safety products aisle. Alongside the usual protective devices and common-use medical instruments were

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Challenge #00989-B258: The Houyhnhnms Fandom

More on the humans and the unicorn ambassador seen here: http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/127820781249/challenge-00946-b215-the-houyhnhnms-arrival -- Anon Guest

[AN: CallMeGallifreya, is that you?]

Ambassador Thrass kept G'pux by her side at all times. But when she found out that there was an exercise track... She crept out in the early morning to enjoy a good run.

All she needed to do was follow the warning signs.

She met up with Ambassador Shayde on her second lap, her white hair mostly

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Challenge #00988-B257: The Power of the Pointer

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/128930273519/i-have-reason-to-believe-that-this-lizard-has

I have reason to believe that this lizard has acquired artillery. -- Anon Guest

Bullets splashed against the walls, just above their current shelter of a piece of their ship's ablative shielding. "Really?" said Hwell. "What was your first hint?" He flinched against the shower of shrapnel.

"I think it was when Gerih got shot in the leg. All wounds sustained thus far have been non-fatal."

Hwell rolled his eyes. Rhytidops were famously immune to

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Challenge #00987-B256: A Question of Choice

http://outofcontextdnd.tumblr.com/post/129256209619/yet-another-reason-to-not-have-children-you-dont

“Yet another reason to not have children: You don’t want the batspider to visit you.” -- Anon Guest

"Bat... spider," repeated Hero. "I've never heard of the like. Is it a bat with spider legs, or a spider with bat wings?"

"It's like a Drider, but with the body, wings and head of a bat, 'stead of a drow," said the villager. "It takes all but one in ten of our children an' our

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Challenge #00986-B255: What is 'Light'?

http://chaoswolf1982.tumblr.com/post/129369751472/roachpatrol-gutterowl-roachpatrol

The continuing adventures of a human with a bunch of mole/bat people. As seen by the mole/bat people.

[NB - notify ChaosWolf1982 and ManyBlinkingLights]

[AN: I prompted myself because this was too good to pass up.]

Captain's Log, Galactic Standard Calendar 58430.03.2.05...[1]

In the spirit of further understanding between species, we are welcoming aboard a new crewmember. One of the Deathworlder species called 'humans'...

The airlock hissed. Captain K'rik

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Challenge #00985-B254: One Skull-cracking Morning in a N'Ozzie Holding Cell

What the Bleep! am I doing with a traffic cone, a black lace thong and a feather boa?

Two things were certain to Hwell. One: the light hurt. Two: it must have been one hell of a night, last night.

"You understand that I only call him my 'business partner' because it is forbidden to label cogniscents as 'lucky pets'." That had to be Ax'and'l. Urgently distancing himself from Hwell's previous revelry and subsequent swathe of damage.

If, however, the swathe of

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Challenge #00984-B253: Party Zone, Fun City.

Party zone, fun city, playtime for (so called adults). You can concentrate on either the goings on or the consequences. -- Anon Guest

[AN: Hope you don't mind, but I fixed the obvious typos]

You could call it a fun park, but it was closer to being an entire metropolis at this stage. They called it Fun City, and it contained every kind of enjoyment there was for an adult to indulge in.

There was the Spa Quarter, the Movies District, Shotgun

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Challenge #00983-B252: A Need Like Breath

A story about Medjed http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/interest/2015-07-31/the-obscure-egyptian-god-medjed-and-his-bizarre-afterlife-on-the-japanese-internet/.91149 -- Anon Guest

What a thing is life, for a god.

Belief is food and air. Believers, feeling and form. Love... O my children, love is what a god needs above all other things. You could call it 'drug'... but such as I prefer 'blood'.

Without love... gods fade.

In my first time of glory, I was not well known. I barely appeared at all on walls or scrolls. The

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Challenge #00982-B251: Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter...

That same prompt from Challenge #00891-B160, but this time the FAQ is posted for the benefit of assassins, on an Overlord's (Evil or not, your choice) office/chambers. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: That prompt read: FAQ Assassins
- Business hours are 9:00 to 5:30 - Please deposit last will and testament in box below - Knock and remove shoes before entering]

They said Lord Mavolo's temper was legendary, but this... innocent-looking little plaque... It made Goodie Dowser think twice about her

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Challenge #00981-B250: Who's There?

Growing up with cats and dogs. I got used to the sounds of scratching at my door while I slept. Now that I live alone, it is much more unsettling. -- Anon Guest

Pinky was my best cat. Sure, he was ginger, but he was a weird ginger. Some aspect of his fur colour made him look pink in the right light. I've had guests mutter, "Holy shit, he's pink..."

He was my best buddy. And if I left him out of

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Challenge #00980-B249: And What is a Pineapple Anyway?

"It was funny," thought Eric, "that the more you were encouraged something was for the greatest good for the people, the more it felt like being shafted with the rough end of the pineapple."

Eric mused further as the politicians burbled, "What the hell was a pineapple anyway?" -- Anon Guest

Eric's job was to do the math. When she wasn't googling exotic fruit. She drew up her programs to simulate the proposals currently on the floor. This was so odd.

The

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Challenge #00979-B248: One Crowded Hour in a BBC Studio

In a tardis with a doctor while a time stream shatters

(Prompt from Triddin.)

"Just a few... crucial repairs," the Doctor emerged from under the ancient console and stared. Peter broke character. "Andy... You're in the next scene."

But it wasn't Andy Linden who spoke. It was William Hartnell. "What the devil is this person doing on the set? He looks like he fell into a donations basket instead of getting dressed. Verity! What's happening?"

A much, much younger Tom Baker strode

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Challenge #00978-B247: The Prying Eye

The unusual phenomenon of people that can’t help laughing when you point a camera at them

(Prompt from CallMeGallifreya on Tumblr)

"You're not only on trial in the courts, but you're also on trial by the media."

Pam was still stunned and shellshocked. "...all I did was defend myself..."

"Yes. I know. Pam. Pamela. Focus. Look at me. We need to work on this right now."

Pam struggled to take her gaze away from the endlessly-replaying past in her head. Made

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