Humans Are Weird

A 172-post collection

Challenge #02538-F348: Goodnight Everybody

A: Ok look I only have a sawed shotty and a 9mm and I don’t want to fight anything that is bigger than a baby moose. Also if you see a bear follow this rhyme “brown lay down, black fight back, white good night”

B: but can’t you fight back with your weapons?

A: Yes and no. First off the bears in these regions are bulletproof, hell most bears are. More than anything firing this will piss them off

B: well can you tell me is that bear bulletproof?

A: Welp based off the rhyme, good night -- Anon Guest

Well. This was a situation. It was not a good situation. It was not even a bad situation. It was a terrible situation. Armin ran through everything he knew about bears. "Don't make eye contact," he said. "Keep a calm, level tone when you speak. We're going to back slowly away..."

"I am starting to regret the decision to document some wildlife on a Deathworld," said Grox in calm, level tones. "Does this creature eat baby moose?"

"No, your polar bear usually likes fish or seals. Problem is, seals are human-sized and some of these critters have learned that humans are tasty prey. The good news for you is your livesuit will protect you." For every good news a Human delivered, there had to be an associated bad news. They just worked that way.

Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi

Continue Reading

Prompts remaining: 61 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Challenge #02537-F347: Many Ways to Pack Bond

The havenworlders hire a human who docks their ship to the havenworlder's own larger research vessel and uses that for their quarters rather than what the havenworlders have provided. When asked why, the human simply responds "It's better this way." But does not care to elaborate. The reason behind the why becomes clear when a havenworlder goes in to bring a gift to the human that has become such a kind friend and asset, when the havenworlder hears horrific screaming coming from

Read more »

Challenge #02530-F340: Love for All Creatures

Humankind will happily share/shelter tiny pets with/from the universe. Hamsters, flying squirrels, cats, parrots, sugar gliders, lizards and snakes, even dogs. As an unsocial person, I will socialize the heck out off my girl despite my discomfort. As a nonviolent person, I will murder anyone who lays a hand on my baby. How much would I love someone who protected my pet for me? -- Anon Guest

This wasn't the first time Human An had woken up in a medbay.

Read more »

Challenge #02525-F335: Useful Obsession

Almost everyone has a collection of some sort. Some collect books, some do baseball cards, and others like stamps. Me? I love seeds. Every planet I've been to, and every ship I've been assigned to, one of the things I've always insisted upon as part of my contract as a bodyguard, or whatever, is this. In addition to my pay, I get ten packages of seeds. And they must be diverse packages, no duplicates. To ensure this, I give them a list

Read more »

Challenge #02522-F332: One Way to See

What if humans sight was akin to fantasy elves sensitivities to mana, “I may not have electro receptors like you but I'm able to to detect light with my eyes within the general vicinity” and they were so coy and vague describing light. Also if aliens have electro receptors imagine if they detect our nervous system. -- Anon Guest

The semi-amphibious Anatins didn't need to see light as they were evolving. They could sense the electrical discharges of predators and prey alike

Read more »

Challenge #02509-F319: Berry Small Problem

It's inevitable that one person's treat is another person's hallucinogen, especially when it comes to dealing with various species in the Galactic Alliance. There is a plant that, for most Galactics, it's no worse for them than a human having some chocolate. In fact, it's sweet fruit is quite popular. However, if a human eats some, it's inevitable the human will sit for hours completely blitzed. So while it's a treat for some, for humans, it's a potential medicine to help those

Read more »

Challenge #02508-F318: An Asynchronous Encounter in Ships' Night

You ever fall asleep on the couch only to wake up in your own bed? Ever fall asleep in your bed and wake up realizing you're standing in your living room? Sleepwalking can be from stress, it can be from night-terrors, it can be from many things. When they hired their young warrior / linguist, they didn't realize he sleepwalks. It wasn't in the file, after all, and this was the youth's first assignment. Though they would find him asleep in the oddest

Read more »

Challenge #02507-F317: The Jewels of the Tour

A feathery flash of ruby red, then several bright flashes of green. These tiny birds flit amongst the gardens on the space station as the havenworlders watch them in wonder. They came from a 4.5 deathworld. These beautiful, flying gems. They are more delicate than the most delicate of havenworlders, some humans brought them here to the garden to act as pollinators and to make the place, "more like home,' she'd said. Little nectar-filled feeders can be seen swarming with

Read more »

Challenge #02503-F313: Life Echoes Art

Sometimes reality is indeed Stranger than Fiction... As far as finding strange space-faring beings, humans had a knack of seemingly finding those that somehow matched almost exactly the "creatures" of their wide and varied mythologies. From the Thumruth (whom bare an astounding resemblance to Qu-tze Bears) to the Karmorp'se, Humans had learned that pretty much anything was possible! That's when humans came upon a society that developed on the outer regions of their stars habitable zone(thus darker and colder than an

Read more »

Challenge #02501-F311: Special Skill

I have the unique ability to become very flexible after cracking every joint in my body -- Anon Guest

On a kludge station like Amalgam, you get repair junctions like these. They were spaces where cables, pipes, and the occasional load-bearing strut ran through because they were convenient, and then access was added as an afterthought because it was all becoming inconvenient. Time and entropy had made it even moreso.

"Can you get up in there?" asked Engineer Laisse. They were quite

Read more »

Challenge #02498-F308: Sleepless With Sialith

They knew humans could last a long time without sleep, but most had regular sleep intervals. When choosing a new man, they heard he was very reliable, fiercely protective of whatever crew he served, and anyone who'd worked with him were more than a little disappointed when he would be reassigned. Things seemed to be working out fine, until they noticed he was sleeping a lot less than most humans, but when he did, he crashed hard! So much so it was

Read more »

Challenge #02495-F305: Goofy Scary Skeletons

"Be careful of humans this time of cycle; because this is when they perform a ritual they call 'Halloween.' They place images of human skeletal structures, women with green skin, humans biting into other humans' necks, and other frightening images." -- Anon Guest

Some Humans celebrate mortality. Others celebrate horror and the unknown. In both circumstances, part of the celebration involves dressing up and a certain volume of depictions of Human skeletons. The cultural significance of these have been through more

Read more »

Challenge #02482-F292: Sauce Please

Humans are known to be very adaptable to most conditions thanks in no small part to the horrors that come naturally on their home planet. So while many aliens won’t be making Earth a tourist hot spot of the galaxy, the next best thing to experience human cultures are the restaurants in the space stations or food markets on a human colony. Seriously, if you have to think of nutrition requirements for more then two different species but can only go

Read more »

Challenge #02479-F289: What in a Name

A small movement has cropped up amongst the Vorax. People who would rather try to live quiet, peaceful, lives instead of piracy and war. When the government goes to make an example out of them, they take the only ship they can get their hands on and flee. They find an uninhabited haven world that's suitable for them to live on and settle down to live quiet lives as farmers, raising their meat animals, hunting wild game, fishing, growing crops, and just

Read more »

Challenge #02478-F288: Hope in the Dark Times

A distant planet has caught ancient radio signals from earth. They are visual images and audio of the chronicles of a exploratory ship and it's crew.

Over 200 years before humans figured out long-term space travel...

Everyone is confused. -- AmberFox

Filtering things out of the Hydrogen Line is an interesting task. Though it is a band relatively free of interference, there is still signal fade as it disperses through deeper space. Those listening for the echoes of the big bang regularly

Read more »