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Humans Are Weird

A 172-post collection

Challenge #02923-G366: Bad at Risk Assessment

"And what brings you to medical, human?"

"I took my particle mask off when I should have left it on. That was, uh, five days ago? I'm pretty sure I've coughed up all the stuff I inhaled, since the phlegm isn't pointy any more, but I'm still coughing, and my lungs itch. I would have waited longer to bother you about it, but I've been kinda short of breath today, so I thought I'd come in before it got any worse." -- Anon Guest

Humans are terrible at following essential safety rules, even when it calls for their own safety. Survivors and escapees of Greater Deregulations even more so. Those desperate enough to escape Deregger space were obsessed with not being a bother on pain of being thrown back to the maelstrom from whence they sprang.

Medik Phrak concentrated on staying calm and amenable. "Thank you for coming in before we needed to drag you in," she said. "It's no trouble to make sure something isn't bad before it gets bad. I would much rather be certain something's not a problem before it could become a problem. You Humans keep saying 'a stitch in time saves nine'. Little helps preserve you from bigger helps. Yes?"

"Er. Yeah. But... I didn't think it did me any damage. I felt fine afterwards." This was the same kind of argument that helped the spread of long-incubation, high-infection diseases back in the pre-Shattering era of Terran history.

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Challenge #02920-G363: You Laugh, We Win

A: It’s ovew bwothew, i have the high gwound! OwO

B: Chu undewestimated mwy powew.

A: Don’t twy it -- Anon Guest

[AN: Honestly, nothing is better for a giggle than translating badass lines into Owo.]

The fake battle involved bippy hammers[1] and amusing melodrama, much to the amusement of everyone else in the room. There was so much amusement that some were concerned about their ability to breathe. Companion Grox, perching far above melee range, was making sure

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Challenge #02914-G357: Ia Ia Lobby F'thagn

Lobsters do not die of old age and don’t stop growing. They die when they become too big to moult properly. So we’re gonna take a lobster and help it moult over generations, and create a Leviathan god -- Anon Guest

Humans don't take theories at face value. They like to prove things in practice. They like to answer questions with, "We tried it and..." This could be either seen as a flaw or a benefit. It generally comes out

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Challenge #02912-G355: All in Good Fun

A: you’ll never catch me!

B: bold and words for some in BFG range

As the human pulls the trigger a stream of foam balls fly across the room

C: what does BFG stand for anyway?

B: Big Foam Gun, what else?

C: well I thought it was Big F** Gun, but that works too. -- Anon Guest

"Well, that's what it used to stand for, pre-Shattering or something. I think. I'm not that up on my entertainment history. Most of

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Challenge #02907-G350: You're Worth Fighting For

Human A: "If you try to kill yourself, I will fight you."

Human B: "...I would not win that fight."

(Note: This is part of a conversation that I actually had with my suicidally depressed partner. And yes, if I thought he was going for it, I would totally fight him.) -- Anon Guest

This, alarmingly, was a common conversation between the two Ship's Humans of the Fanciful Deal. Human Zae had issues that manifested as periodic bouts of severe depression. Their

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Challenge #02906-G349: Warmed in the Weave

The human was both engineer and bodyguard aboard a ship of havenworlders. In their down time, they enjoyed both knitting and crocheting. They had an old blanket that they'd kept from when they were a child and, when things went bad, it comforted them after the event had passed and the enemies were defeated. A way to calm themselves. Having an idea, they began to make small, soft, blankets, one for each of their havenworlder crewmates. After all, why should they be

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Challenge #02904-G347: Ancient Terran Humour

trust me -- Anon Guest

[AN: Link leads to a black page with a purple button that also reads TRUST ME. If you click it, you get a page full of the Pokemon Ditto dancing to The Conga. You will definitely get fired if you're caught viewing this in the office]

This was a vault made by Humans. The way to get through varying doors was to solve puzzles involving bits of Human culture that -according to the Humans who made it-

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Challenge #02882-G325: Forging ahead

The human was highly recommended by everyone the crew asked when it came to being a security officer. They were diligent, highly intelligent, made friends easily, in fact many of the crew still talked to them from time to time. The only caveat tended to be, they didn't want normal crew quarters to sleep in, they always asked for a storage bay. Why? Well, they collected blades. But not all blades, only unique ones. But that wasn't the only reason.

I decided

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Challenge #02876-G319: Horror of the Baby-Sat

Parent: Thank you so much for agreeing to watch the baby for me. Also, I'm sorry.

Babysitter: Sorry for what?

Parent: The baby has worked out how to do vocal distortion.

Baby: G̷͕̯̻̎̓̉͛̑̀̂̇̀̐͋͘͘͝a̶̢̰͇͇̱͂̉͋́̓͐̂̃͂́́ ̷̧̖̝̱̽̈́͠ǵ̸̢à̴̳̲͍́̀͛̓̃͘̚͝ͅͅ -- Anon Guest

Parrots and very small children seem to share two common interests. The first is an apparent desire to destroy the universe around them via unexpected means. The second is the Dissonance Joke.

The otherwise cute and adorable Human toddler in Companion Lua's

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Challenge #02874-G317: Best Danger Noodle

Humans have interesting pets. Sometimes small, even almost harmless even by havenworld standards, sometimes terrifying. This human had one that was at the terrifying end. As they came aboard a ship of saurians, across their shoulders was a snake that was as nearly long as their body and very heavy. It seemed, however, content to remain curled there while the person introduced them to "little slinky." A snake they'd raised from an egg. -- DaniAndShalii

[AN: Submission included a picture of an

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Challenge #02863-G306: Nothing That's Worth a Lot

A human had a poetry book that they took everywhere with them and enjoyed sitting and reading when they had time. Admittedly, time could be few and far between with their job. One poem she recited softly to herself from time to time had her liaison curious and he asked what it was she was muttering to herself. Her reply confused him because she stated it was a poem about nothing. But how could it be about nothing? All such works are

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Challenge #02862-G305: Song of Triumph

For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way. -- Anon Guest

It was a Human song of triumph, so of course it contained references to violence and, because of the culture of origin, going it all alone. Which is ridiculous. Society doesn't exist on an individual basis.

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Challenge #02860-G303: ART!

They had some pre-shattering videos they wanted to show their friends, a mixed group of havenworlders and level one and level two deathworlders. Once everyone was seated, they turned down the lights and began the video on the large screen. People, human-looking, painted up all in blue, playing techno music on improvised instruments. A fun, amusing, experience for the humans, but maybe a little confusing, if still fun, for everyone else.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkfqwlBzZN1b_H5DYQX7F9Vfdcu8uMrTi -- Blue Rules

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Challenge #02852-G295: Her Name is Sweetums

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TDYDNTK_oo -- Anon Guest

It had to be a service animal, because it was wearing Medik red and Therapy black. Typical to Human delineation of 'pet', it had a small hat attached to its head via a loop of elastic. That, in combination for the vest/leash arrangement was a clear sign that the Human on the other end of the leash would rather sever a limb than part with the animal.

It was also

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Challenge #02837-G280: A Listening Problem

The human was dragged into medical by their friends. Well, "dragged" is a bit of a strong word, considering that if the human really didn't want to go, they wouldn't have, but they weren't willing to risk injuring their friends by struggling too hard.

The problem? Hives. Bumpy, red, itchy hives, all over the human's body.

When questioned, they said "I'm allergic to stress." -- Anon Guest

"Look, I'm going to be fine," protested Human Hen, who was obviously not fine. "I

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