Humans Are Space Orcs

Challenge #02451-F261: Which War Game

"So you're telling me... that you have an actual WAR GAME!!" -- Anon Guest

The Humans had been playing Symbolically Kill Your Friends with something called Water Guns. Traxx, watching the mayhem, was rather puzzled, and asked the obvious question: "This is a game of hunting, or a game of war?"

Human Deb answered, "Oh we have loads of games of war." Then they casually shot their ally across the hall.

Which lead to the next question: "How much number is 'loads'?" Which, Traxx had to admit, came out with more than a vague note of panic in it.

Support me on Patreon / Buy me a Ko-fi

Prompts remaining: 39 Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!

Challenge #02450-F260: Proof Positive

Don't mind me, I’m just listening to “back in black” with Tesla coils -- Anon Guest

For those who need proof that Humans, a class four point five Deathworld species, are the indomitable space orcs everyone says they are, look no further than the Zeusaphone.

Humanity harnessed the electron. Harnessed electromagnetic radiation. They used both to make music. They used it to create artificial lightning. Then they noticed that the lightning could make music-like sounds. The faraday cage, always boon to

Challenge #02449-F259: Weapons of Mass Amusement

it was all fun and games until humans found medieval style energy weapons -- Anon Guest

"So this is like an electric ballista?" had never before been words of impending doom, but these were Humans who were doing the talking. "The spearpoint is a trigger for a giant capacitor, right? Delivering a blast of excess electrons to the target."

"Er. Yes," said Museum Director Gorx, who was starting to believe this tour had been a mistake[1]. "The use of this weapons

Challenge #02444-F254: Wilful Air Adulteration

They were out on a scientific survey of a new planet and pirates were on their tail. They knew they had at least two hours before they were caught and their ship had little by way of weaponry. They made their ship's human his favorite, but usually forbidden unless they were planet-side where there was lots of fresh air, meal. Hot dogs and BEANS! As he smiled, thanked them, and dug in to his meal, the gas masks were being handed out.

Challenge #02436-F246: A Concerning Countdown

I am a big fan of your "Humans are Space Orcs" Series, I read them every chance I can get. I would love to see this one for one of your stories. A deathworlder, a human, has been living with a Havenworlder as his bodyguard for quite some time. He is a scientist and was working with ways to extend a Human's lifespan and she has always been willing to volunteer for his work. Even when she was warned it might hurt.

Challenge #02435-F245: The It Factor

As a Havenworlder the stuff in space is pretty scary, but I like trying new things. Asking a human to play "tag" was the worst decision of my life. -- Anon Guest

Humans are a walking paradox. They are level four point five Deathworlders, and are the most warlike species known in Galactic space, yet they are also the most caring and considerate cogniscents the Alliance has ever known. They're social creatures, requiring a modicum of positive physical contact for proper mental

Challenge #02425-F235: A Study of Abnormalcy

On the Edge there are many prisons. Some of them are just normal, regular prisons, but you can also find a special prisons.

Heavenworlder (name) is trying to learn about human psychology. Probably the best place to learn about "true human madness" is prison for unstable human murderers.

"He talked about murders with some sort of weird passion. But he started to be aggressive when I asked him about his childhood experiences. He struggle against cuffs and tried to reach me. If

Challenge #02423-F233: The Hubris Initiative

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting, "All the Gods are Bastards!" ~ Also by Terry Pratchett -- Anon Guest

There's inviting trouble to your door, and then there's stalking it for apparent fun and alleged profit. Inviting trouble is asking questions with obviously painful and demonstrative answers from the cosmos, like: "What else can go wrong?" or, "So what's the big deal?" or, "How can we possibly fail?" Stalking trouble... well, to

Challenge #02416-F226: Pheromone Formula Number Nine

H: "oh SHIT"

I rushed in as soon as I can, noticing a pink liquid spread across the floor as I slipped on it.

H: "you should lock yourself in you sleeping quarter for a few hours"

My body began to heat up, as the human helped me up they look different form they was a moment ago, Breathing heavily.

M: "why should I?"

I was on the floor again, pulling the human down with me.

H: "Its a universal aphrodisiac" --

Challenge #02397-F207: Spiced Up Encounter

One particular species has a SEVERE negative reaction to capsaicin. So, when a pirate group of them attack a ship, one human creates an air-locked cage covered in hot sauce. -- Anon Guest

"Wait, so they're level three Havenworlders? And they're trying to conquer this ship?" Human Jo seemed very confused.

"They do have superior weaponry," argued the Captain. "It is wiser to allow them to take what they want."

"Bugger that," said Human Sam. "They want trouble? We'll give 'em trouble.

Challenge #02396-F206: They're Only Human

Alien: "It's only a First Contact with those.....um..... it reads here Huuuemaannts.... How bad can it go?"

Human: ... -- Anon Guest

"What level are they? Three? Three point five?"

"Four point five," said the underling. "Most of that is because of N'Oz and Australia."

"Pfft. Myths and legends. Everyone with a Deathworlder label exaggerates about their abilities. We're four point five. We can take them."

Those last eight words may well have been filed under "Famous Last Words". The underling, who

Challenge #02382-F192: It's Just a Hobby

Captain: "You have nothing to worry about. Our only human crewmember is one of the nicest, sweetest humans you will ever meet."

Human: "I found my knives! Now, WHO THE HEY HID THEM FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?" -- Anon Guest

Rule Eleven: Never go anywhere without a knife. -- Leeroy Jethro Gibbs, historical Terran hero.

Civilisation in general holds certain truths to be self-evident. Such as the ability to make and safely use sharp things as one of the stages

Challenge #02380-F190: Tasty Trade

Alien witnesses true fear in the eyes of a band of country roughneck mercs in the form of a single raised eyebrow of the group's diminutive elderly "grandmother" figure. Grown warriors, men and women, who have charged into the maw of insanity cowed by a 98lbs octogenarian.

Pretty pretty please. -- Yup

In all the known universe, there is little that is as unlikely to be terrifying as the words, "What the diddly gosh-darn heck're you kids got goin' on in here?

Challenge #02378-F188: Anything You Can Do...

An idea for the humans/earth is space Australia. These aliens fight with their voice. But our songs are stronger. Opera singers? They can't even fathom, they just faint. Thought you'd have fun with it! Thank you -- Anon Guest

The Karolai had thought they were masters of tactics and the ultimate weapon. None had dared oppose them for a thousand years of glory. Their empire spanned most of a galactic arm, and they kept tight control of it with sonic weaponry.

Challenge #02370-F180: Stone Tools and Bear Skins

An alien crew hires a discount group of human bodyguards to protect them on an expedition to a heavily forested/jungled planet to research the planet life. Murphy's law happens and the alien crew find out they hired the human group that is , as a group, a hybrid of MacGyver, John Wick, and the the A-Team. -- Anon Guest

One of the launch seats, heavily charred, fell out of the tree with a solid thud. The Human who dislodged it had got

Menu

A 312-post collection

Challenge #02451-F261: Which War Game

Challenge #02450-F260: Proof Positive

Challenge #02449-F259: Weapons of Mass Amusement

Challenge #02444-F254: Wilful Air Adulteration

Challenge #02436-F246: A Concerning Countdown

Challenge #02435-F245: The It Factor

Challenge #02425-F235: A Study of Abnormalcy

Challenge #02423-F233: The Hubris Initiative

Challenge #02416-F226: Pheromone Formula Number Nine

Challenge #02397-F207: Spiced Up Encounter

Challenge #02396-F206: They're Only Human

Challenge #02382-F192: It's Just a Hobby

Challenge #02380-F190: Tasty Trade

Challenge #02378-F188: Anything You Can Do...

Challenge #02370-F180: Stone Tools and Bear Skins