Humans Are Space Orcs

A 307-post collection

Challenge #02435-F245: The It Factor

As a Havenworlder the stuff in space is pretty scary, but I like trying new things. Asking a human to play "tag" was the worst decision of my life. -- Anon Guest

Humans are a walking paradox. They are level four point five Deathworlders, and are the most warlike species known in Galactic space, yet they are also the most caring and considerate cogniscents the Alliance has ever known. They're social creatures, requiring a modicum of positive physical contact for proper mental balance... yet there are highly antisocial types for whom solitude is a benefit. That said, Humanity tends to spread its pack-bonding indiscriminately throughout their surrounding areas.

Humans can be sensitive and insensitive, rough or soft, gentle or harsh... sometimes it's all one Human, and in the space of an hour. They are the laziest pursuit predators known to intelligent life, and will go out of their way to find a simpler means of doing literally anything. Faster, cheaper, easier... those seem to be the keys to Human fulfilment. All so they can spend more time playing games. It is the Human capacity for games that prompted me to try one of the simpler ones.

'Tag' should not have been a problem. It was, according to my research, a game played amongst their softer, younger varietals. A game made for infants and juveniles should not be much trouble for a Havenworlder. So I thought. I should have realised that instigating a game of Tag on a mixed-species vessel, so close to Human Silly Season, was so much more than a mistake.

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Challenge #02425-F235: A Study of Abnormalcy

On the Edge there are many prisons. Some of them are just normal, regular prisons, but you can also find a special prisons.

Heavenworlder (name) is trying to learn about human psychology. Probably the best place to learn about "true human madness" is prison for unstable human murderers.

"He talked about murders with some sort of weird passion. But he started to be aggressive when I asked him about his childhood experiences. He struggle against cuffs and tried to reach me. If

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Challenge #02423-F233: The Hubris Initiative

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting, "All the Gods are Bastards!" ~ Also by Terry Pratchett -- Anon Guest

There's inviting trouble to your door, and then there's stalking it for apparent fun and alleged profit. Inviting trouble is asking questions with obviously painful and demonstrative answers from the cosmos, like: "What else can go wrong?" or, "So what's the big deal?" or, "How can we possibly fail?" Stalking trouble... well, to

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Challenge #02416-F226: Pheromone Formula Number Nine

H: "oh SHIT"

I rushed in as soon as I can, noticing a pink liquid spread across the floor as I slipped on it.

H: "you should lock yourself in you sleeping quarter for a few hours"

My body began to heat up, as the human helped me up they look different form they was a moment ago, Breathing heavily.

M: "why should I?"

I was on the floor again, pulling the human down with me.

H: "Its a universal aphrodisiac" --

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Challenge #02397-F207: Spiced Up Encounter

One particular species has a SEVERE negative reaction to capsaicin. So, when a pirate group of them attack a ship, one human creates an air-locked cage covered in hot sauce. -- Anon Guest

"Wait, so they're level three Havenworlders? And they're trying to conquer this ship?" Human Jo seemed very confused.

"They do have superior weaponry," argued the Captain. "It is wiser to allow them to take what they want."

"Bugger that," said Human Sam. "They want trouble? We'll give 'em trouble.

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Challenge #02396-F206: They're Only Human

Alien: "It's only a First Contact with those.....um..... it reads here Huuuemaannts.... How bad can it go?"

Human: ... -- Anon Guest

"What level are they? Three? Three point five?"

"Four point five," said the underling. "Most of that is because of N'Oz and Australia."

"Pfft. Myths and legends. Everyone with a Deathworlder label exaggerates about their abilities. We're four point five. We can take them."

Those last eight words may well have been filed under "Famous Last Words". The underling, who

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Challenge #02382-F192: It's Just a Hobby

Captain: "You have nothing to worry about. Our only human crewmember is one of the nicest, sweetest humans you will ever meet."

Human: "I found my knives! Now, WHO THE HEY HID THEM FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?" -- Anon Guest

Rule Eleven: Never go anywhere without a knife. -- Leeroy Jethro Gibbs, historical Terran hero.

Civilisation in general holds certain truths to be self-evident. Such as the ability to make and safely use sharp things as one of the stages

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Challenge #02380-F190: Tasty Trade

Alien witnesses true fear in the eyes of a band of country roughneck mercs in the form of a single raised eyebrow of the group's diminutive elderly "grandmother" figure. Grown warriors, men and women, who have charged into the maw of insanity cowed by a 98lbs octogenarian.

Pretty pretty please. -- Yup

In all the known universe, there is little that is as unlikely to be terrifying as the words, "What the diddly gosh-darn heck're you kids got goin' on in here?

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Challenge #02378-F188: Anything You Can Do...

An idea for the humans/earth is space Australia. These aliens fight with their voice. But our songs are stronger. Opera singers? They can't even fathom, they just faint. Thought you'd have fun with it! Thank you -- Anon Guest

The Karolai had thought they were masters of tactics and the ultimate weapon. None had dared oppose them for a thousand years of glory. Their empire spanned most of a galactic arm, and they kept tight control of it with sonic weaponry.

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Challenge #02370-F180: Stone Tools and Bear Skins

An alien crew hires a discount group of human bodyguards to protect them on an expedition to a heavily forested/jungled planet to research the planet life. Murphy's law happens and the alien crew find out they hired the human group that is , as a group, a hybrid of MacGyver, John Wick, and the the A-Team. -- Anon Guest

One of the launch seats, heavily charred, fell out of the tree with a solid thud. The Human who dislodged it had got

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Challenge #02367-F177: Impossible Dreamers

If you think that "something" is impossible to do... Give it to humans and they will make it "possible" -- Anon Guest

Never tell a Human what's impossible. -- Galactic Alliance saying.

They had once said that travelling faster than light was impossible, just like time travel. Humans managed to find one-way wormholes, which utilised both, and then proceeded to use them to seed their colonies all over surprising corners of space. Humans, it seemed, accomplished six impossible things before teatime.

It

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Challenge #02357-F167: Armour-plated Badass

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ODSKfPs0iA

Some species have chitin as Armour.

We Humans have interior Bones and Skin.

But what If an Alien species has developed an exterior Skin of Bone ? -- Anon Guest

There are very few examples of osteodermis extremis in cogniscent lifeforms. For Deathworlds, and the Deathworlders who dwell on them, it makes more evolutionary sense than -say- being small, mobile and squishy. Though not common, it's generally expected for Deathworlders of level four or above to

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Challenge #02347-F157: The Human Solution

Earth defense force/starship troopers based.

The galactic alliance, about the same time humans came in the alliance (but long enough for the alliance to realize humans' nature), is at war with a unintelligent but somehow space traveling insect race and are slowly losing. The alliance asks the humans for help to defeat them, asking for ships, attack vehicles, weapons, and soldiers. The humans misunderstand what they meant and take it as "Our equipment can only hold them, we need you humans

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Challenge #02340-F150: Situation Under Control

During an enemy attack on their cargo ship.

Human: "Be lucky you still have legs, because I collect those ! :-) "

Alien Crewmate: "Can you please Stop quoting Isaak from Battleborn?"

Human: "It works though! Just look at those wannabe Pirates!!" -- Anon Guest

There is a saying, Human is as Human does, and it has a multitude of meanings. In this case, the Human is one thin moral line away from outright sociopathy and psychopathy at the same time.

"You're lucky you

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Challenge #02327-F137: That's a Lot of Samples

An Exploratory Team stumbles upon a Pirate Hideout and gets ambushed. The scientists make peace with their imminent demise and the pirates begin to prematurely celebrate....Until the ships human shows up, very very angry. -- Anon Guest

They had been excited to see smoke. Specifically, controlled columns of smoke. That meant controlled fires. This, in turn, meant that there was intelligent life present. Science Team Four proceeded cautiously. They didn't want to pollute a starter civilisation with sightings of alien life.

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