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Humans Are Space Orcs

A 307-post collection

Challenge #01762-D301: Grave Error

"We destroyed the protective forces of this colony : this human colony is ours!"

[few days later]

"We lost 1/4th of our soldiers in ambush in the city and in the wood, half of our soldiers are sick because the food and water stock are poisoned AND all of our communication devices got destroyed..." -- Anon Guest

Everyone agreed. It was a very nice planet.

The Cho'vith wanted it enough to bomb a few extant settlements and encourage whatever lived there that somewhere else was the place to be. They should have been alarmed that the immediate reaction from the colonists was to set their own encampments on fire and vanish into the shrubbery. They should have worried about where they had gone. They should have checked what species the previous colonists were.

They really should have known better.

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Challenge #01760-D299: Walking Wounded

“‘‘Tis but a flesh wound!”

“It’s really... not...” -- TheDragonsFlame

This human had been through a great amount of trouble to get there. They had multiples of disturbing injuries. Bruises. Cuts. Scrapes, even some breaks in their seemingly unbreakable bones. The last of these, the human had splinted with available material. The twin orifii in the middle of their face was leaking blood. The evident scabbing indicated that this had been going on for some time.

And, most disturbing to the

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Challenge #01759-D298: Hazardous Associations

An unknowing (group of) alien(s) tries to take a human as a pet, thinking ‘It’s small and cool-looking.’ Problem is, Humans are to them as velociraptors are to humans. -- TheDragonsFlame

It was quadrupedal and had no bowel control. It had to be an animal. That was the reasoning that lead to Heatstone becoming a pet in the first place. Cho'nish frequently bragged to her friends that Heatstone was a rescue pet. They had hir in simply terrible conditions. And

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Challenge #01747-D286: Stop Me if You've Heard This One

"Okay, this might be scary so if you need some time to prepare-"

"Jokes on you I'm terrified a hundred percent of the time anyway!" -- OohLookShiny

A Havenworlder and a Deathworlder walk into a bar...

So very many jokes start this way, including the off-colour one that also included cogniphagia. But this time, it was reality. The Havenworlder was in their livesuit and tucked under the arm of the deathworlder. A big, burly, brick of a human.

The worst kind.

Support

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Challenge #01742-D281: Certain Signs of Doom

When a human is running scared, drop everything and run away with them. -- Anon Guest

Humans get many jobs, all across the outskirts of the Galactic Alliance. In the Fringe Territories, laws are enforced based entirely on how useful they are to follow. As civilisation creeps in, the humans creep out before they become the tolerated exception. That's the thing about fringes and frontiers. There's always more of them.

Here on the edge, overlooking a large and ancient Sargasso, is Bodgy

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Challenge #01739-D278: A Lesson For All

(At an AI's sudden assimilation of a tech base and IMMEDIATE commencement of combinatorial synthesis): Fuckin' bullshit, man.

(In response): Hey if they're going to leave tech specs out where the sufficiently advanced AI can get a hold of them, it's their own fault. -- RecklessPrudence

They called the AI Amoeba, for her abilities, but she preferred Amy. It was her job as part of the combat process to take over enemy facilities and seize all intel and hardware. She liked her

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Challenge #01728-D267: 'Tis But a Scratch

"So, you're telling me that even if a human tried to kill himself by stabbing his head, he could be perfectly fine if the blade goes between the hemispheres of the brain without damaging anything ?"

"Yup, and I didn't talk about Phineas Gage, who got a large iron rod through the head and survived without some part of his brain, or the war veteran who survived a bullet through the heart. Even if we don't have exoskeleton, we are pretty resilient. This

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Challenge #01717-D256: Show of Faith

"Shhhhh." [Name] put a finger to both of their lips. "Let's just enjoy this. Things are going to be awful in a few hours, but right now I've tricked myself into thinking we can handle this. Let me bask in it." -- RecklessPrudence

The human had a mantra for everything that was going wrong. Human Steve was multitasking. Gathering and patching and applying gum and ductape as fast as their two hands could manage. The mantra was four words, "I can handle

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Challenge #01712-D251: The One That Got Away

The sign said "Wet Paint". -- Anon Guest

It said it in English, and it said it whilst affixed to a filthy-looking wall. There was something incredibly suspicious about all of this. Especially since this was apparently a derelict in the middle of nowhere with no alarms, diverse or otherwise.

Some part of Jen was screaming, Honey trap! But it was in stiff competition with the part of her that was so very tempted to see if the sign was telling the

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Challenge #01700-D237: Tougher Than You Think

So, havenworlders getting a look at this data? Alternatively, Galactic Citizens or Deathworlders from a lower category seeing one of our weak areas (like water requirements) and going "I can do better than that!"

(Same data, but with it in sane units) -- RecklessPrudence

Galactic Society shares some information for free. For example, information on what they deem to be dangerous species. Before the rediscovery of a colony world later named Amity, they shared gathered information on humans so that others could

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Challenge #01698-D237: One Thing in Common

So, about those Deathworlders and their group singing/memetic hazards? -- RecklessPrudence

There were hundreds of human colonial representatives. An even third was busy having a heated argument with a second third, while the rest attempted to argue the other two groups into submission. Any moment, now, blood would be drawn and these savage Deathworlders would fly into a frenzy.

Which would not be good news for the first Ambassadorial Meet that actually welcomed these bloodthirsty, balding apes.

One of the human's

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Challenge #01696-D235: Functionality

[From one person who got about three hours' sleep, to the person who dumped a new, extremely important, problem in their lap at godawful in the morning, and who they are responsible for]

"Have you slept at all, [Name]?"

"Not at all."

"You should try it sometime. I end up in less trouble when you do." -- RecklessPrudence

...by any other species standards, we just plain don't get tired. -- Archivaas Collective on Humanity's Self-realisation

The news of impending disaster was met

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Challenge #01695-D234: Unlikely Survival Tactics

[Person #1]: Stop asking hard questions.

[Person #2]: Buddy, if I could stop thinking 'em, I'd stop asking 'em. -- RecklessPrudence

It's very clear that humans are gather-hunters whenever an isolating emergency occurs. Their first instinct is to gather everything they can and use that as a basis for what they do next. Often, this can be displacement activity in situations where the best course of action is to wait for the ERT to come to the rescue.

But there are other

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Challenge #01693-D232: The Most Dangerous Opponent

"You can’t hold a grudge forever"

“I’m not ‘holding a grudge’, I’m making decisions based on past evidence.” -- RecklessPrudence

"The humans are going to destroy all your careful plans," said the old general. "These are members of a species that coined the phrase, 'no plan ever survives first contact with the enemy'. You could try to learn from that."

The war council turned to stare and General Gerax. He was the last one to famously lose to the

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Challenge #01692-D231: Items of Mass Destruction

It was hard not to admire a four-year-old who could disassemble a hygiene unit into so many pieces it took three engineers most of a duty shift to put it back together. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the destructive items that humanity has in its collective repertoire, the two that cause the most amazement and confoundment are: the average pants pocket, and their own young. Left unsupervised, they can cause more chaos, destruction, and all-out-entropy than the tools actively designed to do so.

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