“You know, considering how resilient humans are most of the time it’s a bit surprising that their reproductive system is so unprotected, especially the males.”
*pained moaning from just offscreen*
This was beyond surreal. Sitting next to a human (well, technically human) and watching an ancient, speciesist movie with a human starring as the main antagonist. With the unbelievable knowledge that the human had instigated this.
He had asked why, but her answer made no sense. “Because it’s complete rubbish.” What in any of the named hells was that supposed to mean?
They were up to the last ten minutes of the feature. The ‘monster’, a saurian in an unconvincing rubber mutant zombie human suit, slowly advanced on the shrieking heroine.
“Tough guy rescue in five,” murmured Shayde, offering her popcorn. “Four. Three. Two…”
A member of the initial team, previously left for dead, entered the screen and drove the monster back. Then clobbered it in the crotch region with his bat.
“I thought the monster was female,” murmured Rael.
“Aye, that’s what makes it so funny,” she cackled.
The hero turned to the screen. “You know, considering how resilient humans are most of the time, it’s a bit surprising that their reproductive system is so unprotected.”
The credits rolled over footage of the monster writhing in the flames.
Shayde was almost causing herself physical injury from laughing so hard. Tears were rolling down her face as she almost desperately clung to her ribs.
“I still don’t understand how this is funny. It’s cheap, badly-produced, inconsistent, offensive, inaccurate, barely-scripted trash.”
“Aye, that’s the charm,” Shayde squeaked. She was still fighting giggles. “Pure schlock. It cannae be offensive 'cause it got everything so badly wrong…”
“It wasn’t that long ago that people believed this about your people.”
“That kinda makes it funnier.”
“Like children running away from you while screaming makes you laugh,” he said.
That shattered the mood faster than a vibra-hammer. Despite everything, there were some factions who viewed her as a monster and acted accordingly.
“Thanks for remindin’ me,” she iced. “I had been able tae ferget.” She wiped her face.
The drastic measure of the change made him want to fix it somehow. Tell her that everything would get better, anyway. But he was also compelled and paid to educate her. “You do see how that feature can be problematic.”
“Aye, I can. It’s just…” she fumbled for the right words, juggling invisible ones in front of her. “Willin’ suspension of offence, ye ken?”
He didn’t. “I’ve heard of willing suspension of disbelief…”
“Aye, this is somethin’ similar. Like… ye know it’s goin’ tae be offensive, so ye just enjoy everythin’ else. And sometimes, even the offensive bits.”
He shook his head and boggled at her. “Humans are crazy…”
She laughed anew. “I love ye too,” she teased.
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