Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Human Religions

Aliens discover celebrity fandoms (Elvis, Morgan Freeman, etc.) and take them for human religions.

(#00644 - A279)

[AN: This is going to be interesting because the Amalgam Universe does possess the First Church of Elvis…]

From the journals of Kor'kor the Fascinated:

The humans, as always, were very welcoming and allowed me to trade for a ticket to their ceremonial enclosure. The sacrament was a large portion of exploded grain. Perhaps a sacrifice to the spirits?

The exploded grains were coated with a greasy substance that rendered the foamy remains of food flavourful and interesting. Of course, I preserved a sample for later analysis, but I already expect it to be deleterious to long-term survival.

The altar initially seemed to be a plain, white sheet, but when the lights lowered, it was revealed to be a surface to project images on. These were rather primitive, given other media examples from the humans, and I suspect the events projected onto the screen occurred a very long relative time ago.

There was no sound. What dialogue there was occurred via plates filled with the written word. And it soon became apparent that it was one of these ancient players that the humans had come to worship.

His name was Buster Keaton. And he evidenced some very typical manifestations of human insanity. Among examples I have seen, he had courted numerous injuries by tumbling down an escalating staircase, failing to leap across the gap between two tall buildings, racing against a landslide, and allowing a building to fall down around him.

The humans around me seemed to believe these were feats worth admiration.

I declined to voice my opinions out loud.

I posit that survival against the odds can elevate some humans to the levels of godhood. Or at least minor deity-ship. The fact that these survivals were documented strictly for the sake of entertainment is an avenue of human sociology that may warrant further investigation.

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InterNutter answers an Ask: Luckers

This came to me via email:

Wanda the Unfortunate and ‘The Drongo’, are both luckers. Wanda is clumsy, the Drongo gets 'Wonderful Ideas!“ Both have the ability to fall into the Septic Tank and come up with valuables plastered over themselves. So, are they just two degrees of luckers? Wanda has two doses of clumsy, the Drongo seems to be immune to clumsy but not safe to be near. And what happens on places like Amalgam where population density

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Project Hieroglyph

Project Hieroglyph

Guess what I just joined?

I figure it’s a good way to discuss Science Fiction in general, mine in particular, and how to step up my game without rebuilding my universe in the process.

Amalgam is optimistic. Humans made it off the planet. Humans managed to reach a point where their differences are interesting. In brief - black and white teamed up against green ;)

…it’s just that I have a horrible dystopia as the feature

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Challenge #00588 - A223: You Can't Make Me!

“You’ve lost the right to see me cry.”

“What?” said the cogniscent on his personal comms, sitting opposite Rael. “What does that even mean, Barbera?”

“It means you’ve hurt me for the last time,” said a higher-pitched voice. Either the cogniscent in question had her on speaker, or his volume was irresponsibly loud. Either way, the entire carriage of the Tram could hear them both. “I’m leaving, and

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Challenge #00586 - A221: One Damp Afternoon on Tour

“Shock and awe can be dangerous and deadly, therefore the management has overturned your booking of the concert hall for a- what was it again?”

“A magic show.”

“Look,” sighed The Great Amaze-o. “We’re a comedy act. We show how everything is done and half the time we pretend to flakk it up. It’s funny.”

The Nephroton on the other side of the counter glared at them with her segmented

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Challenge #00585 - A220: One Life in Song

Doe, a deer, a female deer

Ray, a drop of golden sun

Doe, a deer, a female deer…

Doe crept between the parked storage containers, heart pounding. She could still see the peak of the ship. She was headed the right way. 

Ray, a drop of golden sun…

Shadows made her jump for all of five seconds before she realised it was her own shadow. A skinny stick of a thing. Undersized, underfed, under-represented and, so far, under notice.

She

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Challenge #00584 - A219: Rocky Start

Human: *sneezes*

Other cogniscient: What the hell was that?!

Ax'and'l had been dubious from the get-go about joining forces with a human… but he’d run the numbers and this venture was profitable in the extreme.

Insanely profitable.

Now it was just looking insane.

They were standing in an abandoned hulk of a spaceship, looting it for anything they could get out of it. Both had their survival suits on. Ideally, they were protected from everything the ship could throw

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The most feared dance in the universe

(character) crept through the undergrowth, barely daring to breathe, as they followed the pulsing rhythm. Parting the bushes slightly, they sucked in a horrified gasp, seeing the flickering firelight and the Humans dancing around it.

There, in the light of the burning branches, were people skipping and hopping, drinking out of cups from large nuts and doubtlessly containing fermented grain juice. That, they could handle. But the dance, that caused all non-Humans to shake in fear … .

The dreaded funky chicken!

(there have

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Douglas Adams

Aliens discover The Hitchhiker’s Guide.

(#00581 - A216)

Space, the text said, is big. Really big. If you think it’s a long way down the road to the shops, that’s peanuts compared to space.

“People paid money for this?”

“I think it’s some of their Terran humour…”

“I don’t see any references to trousers falling down in this narrative.”

Bloz glared at Kenka. “You and

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Deathworlders

Humans meet a species from a different deathworld.

(#00580 - A215)

Things around the negotiation table were tense. It wasn’t often that the humans met another cogniscent race that could kill them with ease. The fact that both sides were willing to keep their hostile actions in check was a telling victory for the mamalian side of the negotiations.

For a long time, Trodonti and Human stared at each other.

“We have studied your home planet,” said K'ress.

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Challenge #00589 - A214: Like a House on Fire

Shayde and Ambassador O’Ranges

or

Julie, Nanny and Ambassador O’Ranges

[AN: You didn’t say ‘xor’ :D ]

Julie was still moaning. A constant monotone that, Shayde could tell, was starting to get on everyone’s pec’s. She was huddled in Nanny’s lap. Nanny couldn’t do much for her but be a living teddy-bear and mutter “Good girl, good girl,” at random intervals.

“Puir babby…” Shayde

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The cover… evolves I’m going to have a hard time NOT using bleeding font for the title because it all looks SO...

The cover… evolves

I’m going to have a hard time NOT using bleeding font for the title because it all looks SO cheesy-horror-flick… which is exactly what I’m aiming for :D

I was having a really bad day until this turned up in my in-box. Now I’m stoked :)

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Challenge #00578 - A203: You Swallowed What?

As one of the tech review magazines said a few years ago when the first 32 GB micro SD cards came out, “At last it is possible for a single human being to accidentally swallow all of the data collected by the Apollo Program.”

“This is it?” Shayde held aloft a crystal with a metal disk on one end. “All'o the survivin’ media from the twentieth century?”

“And some derivative works, yes,” said Rael. “

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