Amalgam Universe

A 2284-post collection

Challenge #00938-B207: Human Phenomena

An alien witnessing a human do the “Just walked through a spiderweb” dance for the first time

OR

A scholar writing a research paper on the one dance universal to all human tribal cultures, the “Spiderweb” dance.

In augmented scope sight, the web was clearly visible. And the spider itself stood out like a miniature sun.

“This spider,” whispered a lizard off to one side of the screen, “has been weaving and re-weaving its web all night. In a few hours, it will retreat from its work. Because it knows that foot traffic will soon ruin its chance to feast. We also know that a human regularly exercises through here. So we may have the chance to see something spectacular.”

The view changed to common optics, thus rendering the spiderweb invisible.

The lizard vanished somewhere off camera as the view focussed further down the corridor.

The human in question wore the usual warning signs. Non-emergency running in progress. Ze had some sound equipment on and hir eyes closed as ze jogged.

The instant ze hit the web…

“AUGH! Pthpht… Pthpht… euw gross uuuuugggghhh….” Hir arms and legs flailed in panic and alarm. Hir feet danced around and twirled her about.

“And this,” said the lizard, “is the first time the humans’ spiderweb dance has been caught in its entirety on a vid.”

The human said, “What in the Powers are you doing, over there?”

[Muse food remaining: 13. Submit a prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories!]

Challenge #00937-B206: Living Proof

Another Humans Are Crazy point: most bright colours in the animal kingdom are for either a mating display or are a poison warning. The brighter the colours, the more likely it’s poison - see snakes and frogs, even compared to peacocks they are brighter (if less visually spectacular overall).

Most other animals, on seeing the fluorescent poison warning colours, are rightly horrified. 

Meanwhile, humans think they are pretty.

Of all the ambassadorial mistakes Harry could have made, this one pretty much

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Challenge #00935-B204: Human Terminology

(Came up with this and thought of a certain sawn-off lunatic, but it doesn’t have to be Vorkosigan fic if you don’t want it to be)

“When you say ‘secure on three flanks, with an opportunity to the north’, what you really mean is ‘cut off on three sides, with enemies front’, isn’t it?

“I mean both!

[AN: SO very tempted to write one of the Vorkosigan brats…]

Hwell returned covered in soot and a light

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Challenge #00934-B203: Loverly Spam...

You don’t reference Monty Python to be helpful, you reference Monty Python because you can.

On the upside, they now had an interstellar ‘ride‘. On the downside, it was an abandoned freighter. Its hold was still full. Which meant that the parental company had pulled the plug and evacuated the pilot when the cargo proved to be valueless.

And, of course, Shayde had to look.

“No,” she grinned. The tone of her voice made it sound like a good thing.

Which

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Challenge #00930-B199: Ban the Hammer

All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can’t get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. — IBM maintenance manual, 1925

Taking things apart is easy. Putting them back again, not so much.

So
far, Rael had had lots of practice with the former. He’d found he’d attempted reassembly in the wrong order. Five times.

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Challenge #00929-B198: Fortifying Education

A Havenworlder finds out that even after reaching the Information Age, with early-warning systems and all the other resources available to a species at such a level of development, tsunamis (“The term refers to several million tonnes of water traveling at two hundred meters per second.”) still killed an average of seven thousand people consistently, every year, over four decades

(last four from 2015)

Th’k’x had to wear full health monitors and have a Medik on standby, just to access

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Challenge #00927-B196: Just My Type

The opposite to the last one - a being that is unattractive to their own race that a human finds beautiful.

Rae usually disliked going into the lower-gravity realms of the
station. She had a pathological dislike of insects that included
antisocial actions like screaming and flailing if one of them touched
her.

Only the Huf’nuf’ruf remained unoffended.

Her intent
was to go down, do her job, and then retreat into one of the luxury spas
to soak the imagined

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Challenge #00926-B195: In the Instincts of the Beholder

http://chokingonfeelings.tumblr.com/post/124810464889/livingzeppeli-i-want-a-sci-fi-series-to-have-an

“I want a sci-fi series to have an alien race that literally every other race but humans thinks are the hottest fucking thing but it just completely goes over humans’ heads.  Like instead of the Asari or some neon skinned space babe, every other race is just fucking fawning over some bizarre spider race.  When humans don’t get it they’re just like, “What the fuck’s wrong with you?  She’s hot, dude.

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Challenge #00919-B188: Here's to the Parents

a quote from historian Will Durant as I remember it. “Let me give tribute to all those Mothers, who over time dragged their children kicking and screaming through centuries of Civilization.” I presume he means the good Mums. Have fun.

“Say-shun! Say-shun!” Sprout ricocheted around the cabin, enjoying the free-fall before docking. “SAY-SHUN!”

Gavin fielded her on the fifth pass. “Settle down. Sprout. We gotta remember Rule One when we dock. What’s Rule One?”

“S'ay close.”

“That’s right. Good girl.

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Challenge #00915-B184: Wheeeeeeeeee!

Rolling down a hill is a valid use of your time.

Rael reached the top of the hill. There were not enough sweet treats in the human lexicon to pay for this much ‘just wanderin’ to his mind.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “We’ve reached the top of the hill. Now what?”

“We lie down,” said Shayde.

“For the last time, I am not engaging in extreme haptic communication with you.”

“I’m no’ askin’ ye to,” she said. “We lie down. Then

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Challenge #00914-B183: Cautious Eaters

Some species evolved without certain chemicals in their background, or with them causing no effect. Therefore they never evolved a receptor for it. Meanwhile others had to identify toxins or marker chemicals immediately and are highly sensitive even if it’s unnecessary -ie bitter vegetables -. This leads to nonplussed galactic citizens wondering why the deathworlder took a bite of that boring stuff and immediately gagged or refused it entirely because it smelled like pure evil.

Food unites. Meals shared tend to

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Challenge #00913-B182: The Challenge of Challenging

So capsaicin is dangerous, and even the species that can eat it recreationally recognise the effects as painful. Mint, on the other hand, even in high doses, causes no such thing. (L-Carvone (spearmint) at least appears totally harmless). Safe fun food for everyone?

Humans are insane. No other species makes a game out of painful ingredients in otherwise harmless things. No other species combines schadenfreude and friendship, and expects the friendship to continue.

And no other species can convince otherwise sane cogniscents

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Challenge #00912-B181: Mama Hen-Bear

The adventures of Tyr’ip and her big scary bodyguard mother hens.

(does this make her technically the species ambassador? Not a galactic ambassador I guess since her people are already part of the community and if there was one for every species encounter there’d be billions of them but still)

[Galactic ambassadors generally stand for their native planet and, in the case of low-gravvers and nomadic ship-tribes, habitation construct.]

It had been quite the journey. The humans formed a walking

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Challenge #00907-B176: SUO's - Small Useful Objects

A lot of us have a “kit” stuff we cart/tote everywhere, stuff we need. Mothers carry stuff to feed,amuse and cope with the Sprogs. Crafts people carry weird stuff(well I do). So what does a Joat carry? Or pick another character/profession and add kit.

Rael could tell a newbie JOAT. It was the way their limbs trembled
under the weight of the gear in their coats. And the gentle ‘ping’ of
stitching giving way under the stress. He

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Challenge #00900-B169: Mama Bear

Murphy’s law of Babies 2:  Toddler gone? It’s with the humans.

Nita almost didn’t notice the curious little Numidid until she nearly stepped on the poor child. She was big for a human, and this little scrap of pinfeathers barely cleared her boot.

“Whoops,” she said. “Hello, little peep. Where did you come from?”

Alas, the tiny child was still talking Scribble. Multilingual Scribble, but still Scribble. It varied between Numidid, Amity English, and Galstand. She sounded irritated, and

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