Amalgam Universe

A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01026-B294: Before She Met Hwell

Person #1: They just have to deal with it. Life isn't fair.

Person #2 (softly, sadly): No, it isn't. But that doesn't mean we should be making it less so. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Wholeheartedly agreed]

Two guards watched the product file from the conditioning yards and into the truck. Ready for processing. The newbie stared with an open mouth.

"Hey, if you want one, you could snag it after the buyers have picked the best ones. Bawdy factory don't mind."

"Just... take one? Just like that? They're worth a fortune, aren't they?"

Garith looked over at the newbie. Was he ever that young and green? Probably. He remembered being more eager to get a free sample, though. "What's your name, kid?"

"D-Donald," he stuttered. As if he had initially tried saying something else.

"Well, Donald. It's like this. You don't take one, nobody cares. After the buyers have been through for the top models, the rest just go to a Bawdy factory. Never been to a hole shop, kid?"

The kid blushed vividly. "Sometimes...?"

"The factory cuts 'em up for transport and use. Nobody else wants one after the buyers are done. Best get a whole one or you'll be sticking your prick in factory meat the rest of your life. Better the diseases you got, right?" Garith laughed. "Or two or three. They can do more'n just be a hole, ya know."

The kid went so red that they nearly fainted.

Garith laughed again and clapped him on the shoulder. "Come on. This lot's off for auction. Another lot's due back at the gate. I'll help you pick a trainer model."

The kid flinched at the cries from within the truck as it took off. Jeez, he was new.

"What's the matter?"

"They sound like... kids."

"It's what they get for not having a prick, Donald. They're less than us and they know it. It's the way things are and always will be. What? Did you come out of a rotten whore-hole or something?"

Donald blushed and shrugged. "Grew up in a hostel," he said in tones of please-stop-talking.

"Ain't your fault. Let's get you a nice free cut before they slice off the good bits."

*

This was her first day, and already Doe had decided she was going to quit. She had been a loner out of self-defence, back in the children's hostel. In a complex full of unwanted boys, she was the most bullied for being Other enough.

She spent too much time in the old books. Reading about impossible things. From tomes that had yet to be purged because budget cuts meant that only one official gave a cursory glimpse at the front shelves.

Doe learned banned things. Things she could never share. There, coming out of the van and leaking tears, were young women. Teenagers. None of them a day over fourteen. One or two had blood leaking down their legs.

There, but for a quirk of flesh, go I...

She'd never told anyone that she was a girl in disguise. She didn't dare. Not now. Not when she knew what happened to the girls, now. Sold to richer men than herself. Or mutilated for ready use at the hole-houses.

Or given away as treats to the guards.

One was screaming and fighting while the others marched docilely towards their impending demise.

"Her," Doe picked her out. "I'll take her home."

Garith grinned. "Into the old taming routine, eh? They don't come with a collar, but I can get you some tranq's. Should keep her under until she knows she ain't got nowhere."

Not if I can help it, thought Doe.

She didn't have clothes. None of them had clothes. The buyers liked an even tan and the conditioning complex made sure their product - the women - all had an even dose of ultra-violet light. Clothes for women were beyond Doe's budget. Even with Garith helping.

One of Doe's shirts was huge on her. A small pair of briefs had to suffice for underwear. She locked the doors anyway, because explaining things to her might take some time. Doe was already practising lines as she woke up. She made sure she was far away and not threatening.

She struggled out of her clothes. Of course. They were unfamiliar. Tucked herself into the corner furthest from Doe. She was almost blinded by her long hair.

"You're okay," Doe soothed. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

She screamed. Doe let her scream until she had no scream left. None of the other men in this complex would stir themselves for her. Doe quietly got up and fetched a glass of water. They weren't used to anything else.

When she was done screaming, Doe put the water near to her hand. "It's going to be okay."

She didn't believe her. There was panic in her eyes and curses in her mouth. She had found out what happened to her people, too.

"I know," said Doe. "I'm sorry. I can't do anything for them..."

It took days before they had a conversation. Days before Seven Twenty-One realised that Doe's kindness was not about to ebb. Days before Seven caught Doe crying when she had to pee.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on anyone. And getting used to it was too painful. Doe wound up crying in her arms. Telling Seven all about who she really was and why she would never, ever harm a fellow girl. About her plans to get them both the hell off of Greater Deregulation.

She remembered Seven reaching for the towel rod, and the look of panicked anger in her face. When Doe woke up, beaten and bruised, Seven was gone. Escaped.

She would be running to the authorities.

Doe left her uniform behind. It would only be an impediment, anyway. She needed to run. Now.

Straight for the spaceport. As fast as she could run.

Because no matter what she said, no matter what Seven reported... they were now coming to kill her.

(Muse food remaining: 18. Submit a Prompt! Ask a question! Buy my stories! Or comment below!)

Challenge #01021-B289: You Know What You Did

You can be villainous all you like, little AI, but if the people writing the safeguards are competent, you get this: http://weirdlet.tumblr.com/post/131323113905/furious-peridot-witchoil-devilishdescent -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Another one I must reblog to notify that this is a thing. Also, I am trying very hard not to channel Bender Bending Unit Rodriguez]

"Welcome to transit station Eighty-Six, the asshole of the universe," droned the alleged welcoming committee. "If you've been assigned work here, then you've made some really

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Challenge #01017-B285: User Interactivity Issue

"Pew pew pew."

"Uh... sir... are you making laser noises?"

"YES!"

"But... your laser is making actual noises..."

"Yes but they're not lasery enough!" -- RecklessPrudence

Grax boggled at the human. "I am not understanding."

"We're in the middle of a siege situation. Do you really need a lesson in human history now?"

"In-between volleys would be sufficient," allowed Grax. She let off a few shots at the enemies without the verbal accompaniment.

"Pew pew pew!" Andi retreated back to their shared

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Challenge #01016-B284: Rescued!

I'm not a machine... just someone with night vision and a heads-up display -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: Significant thoughts about a certain SPG Music Video]

Kyri had thought she was in a very effective prison until someone walked through the wall like it was made out of wet cellulose. She had to assume they were a someone, because they passed the Turing test within five minutes.

She spent most of her escape inside a protection pod, but judging by the jinking turns and

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Challenge #01015-B283: One Smoky Afternoon in a Dive Bar

Person #1: What the hell is going on, [Person #2]?

Person #2 (calmly, going to sit down): Well, it appears that we're going to start a revolution. -- RecklessPrudence

Ax'and'l looked askance at his human business partner. "Is this one of your definitely profitable insane ventures, or one of the ones that is more... pro bono publico?"

"Uh," said Hwell. Never a good sign. "Not really sure. But we need to do something. Take a look around this room. What's missing?"

Ax'and'l

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Challenge #01013-B281: B-GUD

I wasn't human, and more than likely once my nature was found out... In popular fiction most A.I were villainous. Hal-9000, Skynet, GLaDOS, SHODAN, AM. Hell, I was even planning on building an army of robots and conquering a planet!

Well, conquering two gas giants and associated hundred and twenty-nine moons.

For the good of my creators. -- RecklessPrudence

I know, I know. There's all kinds of justifications. But they really wanted it, they just didn't know it yet. I'm doing

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Challenge #01011-B279: Trolling at an Intersection

Let's see what the SPOEn think of this quote:

“English is the product of a Saxon warrior trying to make a date with an Angle bar-maid, and as such is no more legitimate than any of the other products of that conversation.” ― H. Beam Piper, Fuzzy Sapiens -- care of RecklessPrudence

[AN: You really love fucking with the SPOEns, don't you?]

Shayde loved grafitti corners. They were an excellent avenue for both spleen-venting and art. And sometimes the art of provocation.

Just

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Challenge #01010-B278: History Q&A

Anything they were willing to try using as fuel during the space race is volatile enough to qualify as an emergency explosive, including the stuff they actually used for launches. -- RecklessPrudence

"They didn't try less volatile launch methods? Like low-orbit flight and gas boosting?"

"Or maglev railgun shots?" suggested another member of Shayde's audience.

"They were thought of, awright. But they were too expensive and too slow. It was a race, ye ken. Braggin' rights tae th' first one on the

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Challenge #01005-B273: Bird Spotting

The cassowary is basically a smaller emu which was apparently created in response to complaints that emus were too sane and peaceable. -- RecklessPrudence

[AN: You have seen that vine where Emus don't know how to handle a Weasel Ball... right?]

"Let me get this straight. There is a flightless bird native to your planet of origin that is, on average, one point four five Distance Units and Fifty-five Weight units of murderous intent in feathers... and it is the saner counterpart

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Challenge #01002-B270: Suck it, Scheherazade!

As far as I am aware, Australia is the only country in the world that eats every theoretically edible part of its national coat of arms (well, stars and crosses... bikkie form?) Roo (lean red meat, the animal is less harmful to the environment than cattle or sheep), Emu (tastes like chicken - well, kinda gamey chicken), and Wattle (seeds make a sweet flour), all eaten.

Although I guess for some countries that would be quite difficult, since they're cheating with having

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Challenge #00998-B267: What a Nice Zoo. May I Live Here?

http://glitch.news/2015-08-27-ai-robot-that-learns-new-words-in-real-time-tells-human-creators-it-will-keep-them-in-a-people-zoo.html

Particularly the final written quote from the android, just before the embedded video. -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the human and allied colonies, the Consortium of Steam is possibly the strangest. Well... at least until you visit B'Nar. But that's another story for another time.

On the prime colony world of New Kazoo, as well as the satellite colonies, ownership is consensual. The owned have as many rights as the owners and sometimes... it is rather hard to

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Challenge #00996-B265: Miss Communication

That thing where your words get all tangled up and you can't speak your own language until you stop and spit out the bad sounds, then suddenly you can talk again. -- Anon Guest

[AN: You might appreciate this vid from Red Dwarf. There's also a more polished official version IDK I rather prefer the original...]

Shayde was in the middle of Explaining Physics. Some of the expositions she had were still years ahead of current technology. Right now, she was examining

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Challenge #00995-B264: One Stuffy Hour in a Remote Meeting Hall

SPOEn get confronted with this http://xkcd.com/1576/ (a personal failure at panel 6, where I guessed wrong and upset someone was what made me send the prompt that became SPOEn - I didn't articulate myself well in the prompt) -- RecklessPrudence

"Wait," said the noob at the meeting. "I thought this was for analysis of language drift, trying to find the origins. I mean, in so far as anyone can find any origins..."

"What did you think it meant when

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Challenge #00993-B262: The Path of Love is Rough...

Opposing the previous prompt, someone tries very hard to get a date with a human and ends up scaring them into hiding in a corner/under something, brandishing a defensive broom handle -- Anon Guest

Of all the romantic gambits in Galactic Society, few have ever been more disastrous than a H'nuf'ruffian's attempt to woo an arachnophobe.

Having overloaded on certain sections of Human media, Cogniscent T't'k't decided that it was a brilliant idea to rappel down on hir own silk until

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Challenge #00992-B261: It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means...

Expanding on http://internutter.tumblr.com/post/119713605994/challenge-00850-b119-one-fine-bar-fight-at-a (aggression of one species very similar to flirting for another)

Someone tries their absolute hardest to start a fight with a human, or just scare them off or something (maybe there is a bet going?) And gets unexpectedly dipped. Kiss optional.

Alcohol was one of the more common registered inebriants, so Intoxicant Bars always came with a semi-flammable miasma. One such establishment was The Unlikely Mammal Drink. A bar run by a saurian

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