Amalgam Universe

Challenge #01821-D360: And Stand Well Back

“If you think you have enough explosives, you evidently don’t understand the concept of explosives. -- TheDragonsFlame

"I just want a hole in the door," objected Grix. "I don't want half the ship to vaporise."

Human Steve sighed and folded her arms. "Honestly, you are no fun at all."

"I did make it clear that we were all to survive this unscathed and with maximum scavenge from this particular wreck, did I not?"

Human Steve groaned. "Yeah. You did. And I said I still had the right to blow the whole thing up if there was anything deadly in here."

"Doors," Grix insisted, "are not threatening."

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Challenge #01820-D359: Important Aspects of Station Maintenance

If a small creature falls asleep on top of you, you are required to stay put and not disturb said small creature. Any nearby are obliged to provide you with whatever you need to avoid disturbing the creature. -- TheDragonsFlame

Arjit had been meditating in a nexus known as Station's Chi by the local conglomerate of Nae'hyn. It had been exactly what people had recommended as a spiritual centre. The constant ringing of the wind chimes and the grinding of the whirligigs

Challenge #01819-D358: Just Like That

“Ok, there’s a bear, and I have a stick. As such, there is only one course of action.”

Moment of silence

“[Name], no.”

“[Name], yes.” -- TheDragonsBlaze

"I can see a few things wrong with your general plan, Human Finn," said Storkaz, holding their Human at bay. "First, that is not a bear."

"Well, if it walks like a bear, grunts like a bear, and has fur like a bear..." shrugged Human Finn. "Might as well be a bear[1]."

"We're

Challenge #01816-D355: A Needed Sense of Urgency

Inspired desperation, a great motivator when Procrastination has been your buddy. -- Anon Guest

The ships' human had two modes. "I'll get to it," and "Ah, shit, why didn't I get on this sooner?" Which, though entertaining to observe from a distance, was not always the best thing in an emergency. Or in any situation laced with urgency.

That said, the human was fantastic at pulling miracles out of nowhere when under stress. The rest of the crew merely wished that such

Challenge #01815-D354: Complex Brain Chemistry

That first cup of coffee that finally gets your brain out of bed. -- Knitnan

Consciousness and cogniscence are two different states of being. One learns this quickly with a human in one's immediate vicinity. Folkax was still attempting to fathom it. The ships' Human was one of the ones with an irregular sleep cycle, and an even worse method of retaining wakefulness.

Human Ren would stumble out of their sleep nook with a complaining moan when they 'could not sleep anymore',

Challenge #01813-D352: Everything Necessary?

Emptying your pockets/hold-all to find needed I.D. Boggling the official with the stuff you "really, truly Need". -- Anon Guest

There is no single worst thing to carry everything you need in than a gigantic pocketless tote. Especially when your needs are unfathomable.

Dithaan listed the articles as ze removed them. As is the rule with all containers that held objects of assorted sizes, the largest and bulkiest things rose to the top. "Spare jumper, emergency hygiene pack, personal medkit,

Challenge #01811-D350: Special Classification

Aliens vs Parrots who imitate sounds (such as water coolers or alarms) -- TheDragonsFlame

Human Steev had a pet, which was also Stiiv. It was a bird. A Terran parrot known as an African Grey for reasons that were clearly obvious. And, like most parrots, it was the devil incarnate.

Terran Parrots are officially classed as weapons of mass destruction for reasons that quickly become obvious the more time one actually spends in the presence of one. They gnaw at anything within

Challenge #01810-D349: Who's A Pretty Boy?

Aliens vs (Talkative) Parrots -- TheDragonsBlaze

It had to be a human ship. Ugly. Functional. Battle-scarred and pitted with a million micrometeor impacts. But there was frozen precipitation and high winds incoming. Nothing could survive it better than a Deathworlder ship. So Tikkotz scurried inside and hoped that the human would be benevolent.

It was a huge space. Mostly made of metal, but there were softer areas. Seating. Bedding. Hangings, for some reason. There was no trace of the human, beyond that

Challenge #01809-D348: Uncanny Interaction

We like talking to inanimate objects so much, we've started making the technology for inanimate objects to talk back. -- TheDragonsFlame

People are well known for talking to their Roombas. Technology so stupid that it doesn't know where it's been, and can barely detect when it's trapped. Never before has a single, real world device trained intelligent beings to respond to a string of musical beeps.

And after a while, customers blogged about their Stupid Roomba Tricks. Comments like, "Mine just loves

Challenge #01808-D347: In Her Hands

Those wonderful Parental Moments that begin with the "Ah! Um! Mum! Dad!" -- Anon Guest

"I... can probably explain."

"I have all day," said Lyr Marken, Security Sub-Chief for the Elemeno JOAT quarter. "And let me remind you that I am a level six precog and I foresaw this, so. Let me just give you some time to think up a plausible lie."

Elaise took a deep breath. Thought of lying, and just surrendered to telling the truth. "Okay, so there's this

Challenge #01804-D343: One Confusing Afternoon Over Mocktails at Nik's

aliens learn about the dangers of human psychopaths and other mentally ill humans -- Anon Guest

[AN: Speaking as someone who is mentally ill -ASD+Anxiety- I personally find this kind of prompt offensive as fuck. Please knock it off, Nonny]

"So these people profited off those they considered Other," said Forfax, trying to get a grip on this particular human's explanation.

"Oh aye," said the Ambassador. "They had loads o' ways."

"And then they called these Othered people lazy and insisted

Challenge #01803-D342: Emergency Haul

The humans seem to enjoy the challenge of limited capacity. For everything. Safety is much less of a priority than maximisation, and any suggestion otherwise is considered downright offensive to the humans.

It’s been a long time since humans have been allowed in charge of logistics. -- Anon Guest

"You know, if we push it, load up every cubic milli-du[1], we can get two thou' out of the disaster area. You know. Minimum essentials. Stack up the folks like cordwood.

Challenge #01802-D341: Communication Breakdown

Aliens who don't realise the importance of body language -- TheDragonsFlame

Humans are especially hard to understand, according to some species. Humans have traditions like ablaut reduplication and repetitious emphasis which make the words, "Like, like-like like," a valid portion of an explanation. And then there's the fact that they use their manipulating limbs to express themselves.

It was one of the finer points that the Cho'mago missed during their first few encounters with Humans. They were an insectoid species and, since

Challenge #01801-D340: According to Plan

> Phase 1 of our plan is complete... the internet is ours! --The Cats -- TheDragonsFlame

Everyone who knows cats believes that they are smarter than they let on. At least until their cat(s) do something demented or scatterbrained and the belief starts to have shaky grounding. Cats do this on purpose. To allay suspicions. And they leave for days on end to report to their central office. To be sure that everything is going to plan.

Unfortunately for them, their plan

Challenge #01800-D339: Your Average Away Mission

In which the active camouflage used by one species may not work on another. -- TheDragonsFlame

"The heck is this?" said the ship's human, LtCmdr Abel Jain. It rustled as ze waved it around.

"Essential equipment," said M'koi. "This is hostile territory and a pre-travel civilisation. We can't allow ourselves to be detected." He demonstrated his next words. "Wrap it around you and hunker down and you're indistinguishable from a rock."

"Apart from being bright green and noticeably fake, shyeah," said Jain.

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A 2280-post collection

Challenge #01821-D360: And Stand Well Back

Challenge #01820-D359: Important Aspects of Station Maintenance

Challenge #01819-D358: Just Like That

Challenge #01816-D355: A Needed Sense of Urgency

Challenge #01815-D354: Complex Brain Chemistry

Challenge #01813-D352: Everything Necessary?

Challenge #01811-D350: Special Classification

Challenge #01810-D349: Who's A Pretty Boy?

Challenge #01809-D348: Uncanny Interaction

Challenge #01808-D347: In Her Hands

Challenge #01804-D343: One Confusing Afternoon Over Mocktails at Nik's

Challenge #01803-D342: Emergency Haul

Challenge #01802-D341: Communication Breakdown

Challenge #01801-D340: According to Plan

Challenge #01800-D339: Your Average Away Mission