(#00167)
“I’munna do it!” the camera dodges through a dark interior, into the bright, snow-filled landscape.
“Don’t fucking do it!” This speaker is the owner of a greasy mullet and wears shirtsleeves and a vest even in the middle of winter. “I swear to God, Toad…“
“I’munna DO it!” the camera pans up to find a skinny boy in a toboggan perched precariously on the roof of a three-storey house.
“How did he even get up there?” ponders a deep voice off-screen.
“Whocares?” says the voice of the cam operator. “I’mputtingitallonYouTube.”
“DON’T FUCKING DO IT!” bellows greasy-mullet.
“Do a flip!” taunts the cam-holder.
“I’m doin’ it!” yells the kid on the roof. He moves violently, as if to set the toboggan off.
Giggling as it becomes evident that the toboggan is stuck.
“For fuck’s sake, Todd!” yells greasy-mullet. “If that ain’t a sign from above…”
Todd gets off, wiggles the toboggan and seats it an apparently significant inch to the left. “Roofing nail,” he yells. “This time fo’ sure, yo!”
“Goddamn it, don’t you fucking dare—!”
“Omigod!” shrieks the bass voice off camera as the toboggan moves.
“WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAWWWW!” Todd yawps as the toboggan slides down the roof, off an awning, and into a deep drift of snow.
“Oh my fucking god, he’s killed himself,” mutters greasy-mullet.
“Man, thatwaspoetic…” the cam follows greasy-mullet to a pair of legs hanging out of the snow pile and observes him dragging Todd out by his feet.
“That was sick, yo!” says the skinny kid. “C’mon, lets build this pile up so’s I can do that again!”
“Dudeyou’rebleeding,” says the cam-holder.
“Aw man. Busted my nose again.”
*
“How many thousand views?”
“Wrong question, yo. It’s how many million views?” said Todd. He was currently wrapped up in half the blankets and Freddy’s very motion-inhibiting arm. The bleeding had finally slowed. “And I think its up to twelve.”
“When the hell’d we have time to upload it?” Lance demanded. “I remember seven hours in the ER.”
“Quickie did it,” said Toad. “Dude’s been suspiciously absent since yo’ called 911.”
“Did he put you up to this? We all know how you get when it’s cold.”
“Uh… Don’t remember.”
“I’munna do it! I’m gonna fuckin’ kill ‘im…”
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