InterNutter

Indie writer seeks audience with an audience. Paying customers welcome. [pronouns: ze/hir] Daily free stories happen because it is an excellent counter to Writers' Block.

Burpengary East http://www.cmweller.com 12169 posts

Challenge #01048-B316: Afoot in the Grove

Pick one or more items from this list - it just sounded so much like the sort of things you'd think up that I HAD to share... http://howlingguardian.tumblr.com/post/133493640614/
(post reproduced below in case of link failure)

Talk fantasy prosthetics to me.

An elf maiden dances on feet of living wood sung into shape, planted in soil and watered when she takes them off. Every year she plants the old ones and sings a new pair. (Incidentally, the pair of peach saplings from three years ago have produced an excellent crop- She makes preserves from them, and despite the inevitable jokes about “toe-jam”, they are appreciated.)

A dwarf king has a metal fist, all tiny gears and fine wires, kept wound by a mischievous mine-spirit bound to the spring as punishment- the more it struggles, the tighter the spring.

An orc chieftaness is regularly asked for the story of how she earned the name Wyrmthrottler- she boasts of how she strangled the dragon that ate her arm, and had her shaman make a new arm from its bones, with its fangs as the fingers.

A necromancer simply re-attached his old leg bones- Sacrificing a few mice each day keeps it going.

A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)

A wandering swordsman was broken at the waist- his ancestral armour allows him to walk again, as long as he keeps it polished, and burns incense to the ancestors regularly.

A high priestess has an eye made from a crystal ball- to predict the future, all she has to do is wink.

A bard was struck deaf by illness- he struck a deal with the god of music. Now he wears hearing-trumpets made from his old pipes, and dedicates his every song to the god of music- the better he plays, the better his hearing. (It is said his music could make statues weep, and he can hear a mouse fart at 60 paces.)

A princess has the arm of a golem, enchanted clay with mystic words carved in- her music tutor despairs of how her harp playing has become even worse, but her calligraphy tutor is ecstatic over her handwriting.

A goblin pickpocket has an arm made of whatever he steals- no-one feels his fingers, and even if they did, they couldn’t find their possessions amongst all the rest.

A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.

A warg was born deaf and blind- his people learned of his power when the nearest birds started staring at them, and dogs pricked up their ears as he walked past. -- Anon Guest

[AN: I'm only gonna pick one because there's practically a book's worth, here.]

They called her Treesinger, and she had a grove of fruit trees. Once a year, she would dance her last dance with her seedling feet before adding to her grove. She had all kinds of fruit in her grove. Apples. Pears. Oranges. Plums. Every kind of fruit that fell from a branch. She sang and danced among them, singing them into bountiful blossom.

And then, her head haloed with bees, she planted her feet in the rich soil and sang them into taking root. A new pair of seedlings are sung into shape and become her feet for another year.

Centuries ago, they said, a conqueror had hewn her feet off at the shin for refusing to dance in celebration of his bloodbath battles. The vines had strangled him and his armies. Who still fertilised her grove to this day.

The olives she grew her first feet from mark the passing years.

None dare to cross her. Not after they see her grove.

She only keeps what she needs of her crops. Sells the rest to the markets. Jams and jellies and preserves and, of course, olive oil and pots upon pots of honey.

They line up for miles for a chance to purchase one small jar of anything.

Treesinger has not much use for gold. She has her plants and she has her friends. She had enough jewellery to satisfy her needs. The rest of her income goes to those in need.

And sometimes, those in need come to her. To beg her to sing them a limb. Plucked from her trees and bound to their soul. She matches the wood to their personality, and many walk away happy.

She could easily sing her feet from the plants she has in abundance, but she loves having saplings. They're better to dance with.

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An ounce of prevention...

Weighs heavily on my wrists, unfortunately. The good old Bunnings Brolly is many things. Hardy, durable, reliable, engineered to last in high wind conditions, it opens with one button, it isn't a struggle to shut...

But it isn't exactly the lightest of things to tote around.

If you ever want a bargain brolly that's going to last you, get the big golf umbrellas at Bunnings. They only cost $10 and they look they'll last a lifetime. The place makes their money back

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Challenge #01047-B315: Economy Exorcism

http://haberdashing.tumblr.com/post/133438233764/breelandwalker-witchbxi-spirit-haunts-a -- Gallifreya

They looked like the typical whitebread couple who scoffed at the warnings that their new home was haunted until things got beyond the line of wilful ignorance. Candace listened to their story, and it ran the entire gamut of that sad story.

They fell in love with the place. Didn't believe in the supernatural. Laughed at the thought of ghosts. Little incidents escalated. And they escalated quickly. And the next thing they knew,

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I learned some things, today

Well, technically in the last 24 hours since I last blogged. In no particular order...

  • An ounce of prevention is worth squid-all nothing if you don't have it with you
  • Plovers can defend their territory in family flocks
  • If you move while they're backing up for another run, you're out of the area much quicker
  • Asthma is a harsh master
  • We don't have enough cellophane to wrap all nine gift baskets
  • When getting bottles from a dollar shop, always buy a spare
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Challenge #01046-B314: "Surprise" Party

Nanny Ogg throws Granny Weatherwax a surprise 70th birthday party at the Lancre pub. -- Anon Guest

Birthdays are generally a special occasion. Witch's birthdays doubly so. Not many of them prefer to make their age known, lest the C-word inevitably slip from someone's mouth.

Gytha had done her best. She'd set up in a place where Esme Weatherwax never went if she could prevent it. The local pub. She'd laid on every treat she could, including the mandatory ham bun; because,

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Slow Progress

I took the precaution of packing a parasol on my morning walk. Alas, the plovers who perplexed me previously were not present to persist in piercing my pate. Ah well. Better to look a fool than be one.

So far, I have washed all the bottles [one of the larger jars did not make it through the journey home and I must then nip out and snag a replacement]. I have all my stuff lined up and I have a surprisingly large

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Challenge #01045-B313: Inexplicable In-Jokes

Did we ever figure out why you can't stop laughing whenever I say the word "pineapple"? -- Gallifreya

Giggles filled the break room. Of course they did. The inherently funny word had been uttered. They managed to stop.

"I dunno, to be honest. It's just a ridiculous fruit. The entire rest of the world calls them Ananas. They're nothing like an apple. They never came from a pine tree[1]. I mean - English language, what the ever-loving flip?"

"Maybe it sounded

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Good morning, territorial flying saurians!

As you know if you read my personal blither, I've taken up walking around the block for my daily fitness regime. In the pre-dawn twilight, it's generally peaceful and nothing much is going on.

Not this morning.

This morning, a lovely pair of nesting murder-birds [aka "plovers" aka Masked Lapwings] decided that my morning walk was personally offensive and invasion of their privacy.

Now, plovers will warn you with their signature 'back off' call of sharp, harsh shrieks [spelled "kee kee kee"

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Challenge #01044-B312: Self-Aware Adventurer

Because I am here...

...I can protect my friends.

but

Because I am here...

... my friends must fight. -- Anon Guest

There's usually two reasons why the prophecy only names the Chosen One. Neither of them are very good. Either they didn't make friends during their epic quest... or their friends fell by the wayside.

Claire refused to let her friends die for her.

She did everything she could to protect them. To help them survive the battles that the Scourge sent

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One Thing We Got

[AN: Don't have very much to talk about this morning, so... have a finished fanfic I have just laying around.]

Disclaimer: Undertale and all characters therein belong to Toby Fox, who is frankly awesome. You did so good that I had to write fic. Also the Responsibility Arc belongs to http://askbabybones.tumblr.com and I fell in love with it.

AN: This story diverges after part three of said arc.

                                One Thing We've Got

InterNutter

Sans remembered how the world changed.

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Challenge #01043-B311: One Very Bad Day

Lewis Pepper and Fluttershy (tiny ghost choir optional) -- Gallifreya

Lewis' form coalesced as his consciousness returned. Ow. That hurt. He let himself linger in invisibility while he took stock.

Okay. One of the unsolicited exorcists had banished him to another plane. That was -haha- plainly evident. Everything here was bright colours and cheerful curves. There was a small town, just beyond the forest. Also brightly coloured and almost offensively pretty.

So he was currently a floating, purple vapour. Good. People might

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Whooof...

I made it. Sweat-drenched and out of breath, but I made it. For the record, I made it partially into vertex 6 before I needed the puffer. But just barely.

And I forgot my preventer again. Rotten night, horrible sleep because Beloved was up late working on their side-job, slept in until ten past five. I'm now late for everything.

And I'm currently out of spoons to chase the kids around.

It's going to be an "interesting" morning.

I also have to

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Challenge #01042-B310: Unwelcome Help

Lewis and the Mystery Skulls having to continually shoo ghosthunters and exorcists away from their house -- Gallifreya

Of course, living and working in an internet-famous haunted house had its drawbacks. People who had only seen or paid attention to a fraction of their webcasts, or people who had only heard about their place, and then subsequently went to the time and effort to track them down.

And offer their services. To get rid of their ghost problem.

This one was a

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Achievement Unlocked!

Despite going to bed early, and the subsequent early wake-up [approximately 2AM]. Despite the subsequent early morning fanfic session and needing a napnap at a quarter to four in the morning... I managed to trundle myself around the block, starting at ten to five.

And I made it all the way back home.

Without.

Needing.

My puffer.

I think I'm ready for a double-block walk. Which used to be my upper limit before I had my toenail cut in half.

Let's see

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Challenge #01041-B309: This Old Haunted Mansion

Lewis and his small army of cute musical purple ghostlets messing with other paranormal investigators while the others film it and try not to pass out laughing. -- Gallifreya

[AN: Just in case you haven't heard about that music video: check it out. You're welcome.]

"Welcome to This Old Haunted Mansion, I'm Vivi, and this is our ghost, Lewis."

Scratchy noises carried over the audio.

"You can't hear him, but we can," said a voice behind the camera. "He just said hello

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