Submission

A 900-post collection

Return to Sesame Street!

A while back you posted a horror-splash about a the terror that a hyper-realistic Sesame Street would be. I’d like to see this world reconciled back into the treasured childhood series, rather than as a grim-dark reboot. After the adrenaline-fueled shock wears off, have your protagonist step back, take a deep breath, and realize they’re not really scary at all. I realize this may be a bit specific, but for my peace-of-mind, and that of everyone who grew up on the Street, could you please consider it?

[AN: True horror is the normal gone wrong. Disturbing is, evidently, one’s childhood icons taken to realistic and horrific depths. Original post is here]

(#00574 - A199:)

Big Bird deliberately didn’t move from his nest. The stranger was very scared. He lowered his voice to a murmur and hunkered as small as he could get in his nest.

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “You’re new here. You aren’t used to how things are.”

Squeaking noises and sad attempts to dig through fence palings and bricks with his shoulder blades.

“It’s okay to be scared,” cooed Big Bird. “I get scared of lots of things. That’s why I asked Mister Looper to keep the light above his shop on for me.”

“…hooper…” squeaked the stranger.

“Beg pardon?”

“It’s Hooper. Not Looper.”

“That’s right,” big Bird cheered - but made sure to cheer quietly. “I keep messing it up, but it’s okay. One day, I’m going to get it right.” He offered his teddy. “I know you’re scared of me, but Teddy is great for hugs. He’s all soft and there’s no sharp bits.”

“Nah’m good.” Pant pant pant. “Thanks.”

Big Bird put Teddy down on a nearby chair, anyway. Just in case. “The scaredest I ever was? That would have to be the time all the lights went out, all over the city. It was so dark and Miss Nell came and held my hand and showed me the stars and the moon… I could see the whole galaxy, up in the sky.” Big Bird forgot himself and gestured expansively above his head. The man whimpered and Big Bird tucked his wings in again. “I was almost sad when the lights came on again,” he added. “Miss Nell was right… there’s always a light. If you know how to look.”

He’d slumped down into a sitting position in his corner. “What about the other monsters?”

“Other…? Oh, like Mr Snuffleupagus and Grover and Oscar and all the rest?”

Nod.

“They only look scary. I promise they’re all nice. Even Oscar’s nice, in his own way.”

“…they’re so much… sharper… here.” A helpless look upwards. He looked so lonely. “Even you’re… sharper…”

“Sometimes,” said Big Bird, “people need sharp. I bet you have some sharp bits, too. The important part is to only use them when you need to, and not hurt people with them.”

The stranger winced. “Yeah. I’ve hurt people and regretted it.” He got up and took up Teddy from the chair to hug it while he sat there. “Maybe I could stay here a while and learn a few things.”

Big Bird leaned down to whisper, “That’s why all the humans come.”

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Challenge #00573 - A198: One Fine Evening in the Nightvale Maternity Ward

“Slowly, the doctor turned. Extending a pointing finger, he said “But … but that’s an orange … !”"

“Yes,” said Mrs Murray. You know her, she was born with octupoid-like tentacles instead of hair.

“We couldn’t be happier,” said Mr Murray, through the independently levitating ouija board that is his sole means of communication. Since he is corporeally-challenged.

“All we want to know,” asked Mrs Murray carefully, “is to the signs and portents indicate

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Writing Prompt

The first encounter of T’reka and her people with Big Bird (or any of the Muppets, really, because why wouldn’t they still be around?)

(#00572 - A197)

Still relatively impaired by her injured leg, T'reka stared in amused confusion at the screen.

It was a program meant for juvenile entertainment and/or education (it was hard to tell, with humans. It may be both and something else), she could tell by the puppets. And it was a locally-produced show, because

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Challenge #00571 - A196: The Big Reveal

http://cnvvj.tumblr.com/post/88170279521/wintersoldjer-but-what-if-cyclops-can-wear

He called them all together into the big meeting room. They gathered into their appointed seats and in a general air of confusion.

“For years, I’ve made myself scarce on April first. And for those same years, all of you have managed to make me your butt-monkey for pranks. Every joke in the book and some of the new ones… you played them all on me.”

Now most of them

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Challenge #00570 - A195: Casual Toxicity

“Absolutely not! There is no way in-”

*human calmly peels and eats a banana*

“Er, whatever you say, sir.”

The Membletak did not adapt well to their new, human captains. They did not adapt well to the insanity of their commanding officers.

And they did not adapt well to illogical commands.

But Captain Millbury was prepared.

“Sir. The odds against surviving such a manoeuvre intact are astronomical to begin with, you can’t possibly expect the

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Challenge #00568 - A193: Buddy-buddy

An alien and a human with a Han and Chewbacca-esque relationship

(I don’t think Hwell counts, that looks more like babysitting)

[AN: Well, yes, but Hwell does spend large volumes of time making gurgling noises…]

Ruscis still couldn’t believe this was happening, but a duty was a duty and this… being… hadn’t left her side since the convoluted happenings that involved saving its life.

“You remember what I said,” Ruscis repeated. “

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Challenge #00567 - A192: Unsuitable Food

“The secret formula, it must be kept out of the wrong hands or it will doom us all!”

“This is a recipe for clootie dumplings.”

In the wake of sanctioned, regulated, guaranteed foodstuffs, there was revolution.

Astrid slipped her fingers into the knuckleduster she kept in her pocket as the shadowy figure approached. Just in case. Her life had been saved by precautionary measures like this, and the dust mask she wore to obscure her face.

“The

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Challenge #00566 - A191: Vampirism Sucks

A group of casual vampires, perhaps playing poker or lounging by the pool, with cheesy-looking coconuts with straws in, when in bursts a newbie vampire hunter who apparently got all his info from a book written before both the discovery of the coconut milk thing and safe volunteer blood donor procedures.

The sun had risen. Those in the pool had fled for the cabana at the first hint of light in the east. There, they applied zinc oxide very liberally to their

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Challenge #00565 - A190: One Fine Evening in a Festival of Masques

A duet between Francouer and The Spine.

On the plus side, the makeup was working. On the minus side, everyone was giving him the stink-eye because he’d decided to test it during an extended costume party all over Paris.

The Spine considered it a point of merit that he had to buy a cheap mask on a stick just to ward off hostility.

One of the Peters would yell at him later for getting paint in his seams, but… it felt

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Challenge #00564 - A189: Perplexing

Turnabout is fair play: Something the aliens consider utterly mundane and/or harmless, that is dangerous or terrifying to humans.

It was a disaster. The freshly-introduced Ambassador Harry still hunkered in her improvised bunker of relatively solid furniture, butter knife held tight to her chest in a white-knuckled grip. The ability to speak had left her and she would slash or stab at anyone who came close.

Until Sui'dut came to sort out the mess. Sui'dut, the only alien Harry trusted on

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Challenge #00563 - A188: We Didn't Start the Flame War

You know Billy Joel’s song “We didn’t start the Fire”?

Well, there’s a really juvenile (which is admittedly appropriate for the subject, mostly) CollegeHumor take on it called “We didn’t start the Flame War”, that is surprisingly catchy. I was just wondering what a story using the title of the CollegeHumor song, but without the more egregious moments of the song, would look like.

Indulge my curiosity? — RecklessPrudence

A blur of black, white, and gold. A rushed, “Hide

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Challenge #00562 - A187: The Problem with Problems

This XKCD. – RecklessPrudence

Fifteen-year-olds can solve the world’s problems, at least on a hypothetical basis. Case in point, Trudy Mackinaw.

“You know that if they taxed money transfers at a basis of point zero one percent, they’d have enough money to destroy poverty.”

But the rest of the world in general and her parents in particular didn’t listen. Because she was a fifteen-year-old girl. They wouldn’t have listened if she was

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Challenge #00561 - A186: Unlikely Meetings

Sara and Francouer.

{Pop!}

“Aaaaaah!”

Francoeur caught the falling form with two of his arms and a startled chitter.

In show business, there were many opportunities to see unclothed humans, but this was the most unclothed he’d seen any human. And she was green. Sort of. Somewhere between green and blue. And the top of her… garment… had no visible means of support.

“Ow,” she complained. “Sorry about that. Did I hurt anything?

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Challenge #00560 - A185: Surprises

From that original post that started the whole Amity thing: “What if every alien race has nothing but docile, harmless animals on their planets and they look at us with our sharks and bears and wolves and wasps and venomous snakes and just think “Holy shit! How do you guys survive?!””

T’reka’s people found and seeded the planet with their own wildlife and plants, presumably all fairly docile and harmless. What was the reaction on first discovering, not the humans

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Challenge #00559 - A184: Proclivities

Dragons and princes! http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/86360033211/rosengeist-faerill-a-young-gay-dragon-being

Prince Derek had fallen in love the instant he’d seen those bronze-coloured wings coming towards him. He had even let go of the reins and removed his feet from the stirrups.

Allethar didn’t fall in love until until Prince Derek began raining down praises with a tongue that was only metaphorically silver. There was something about *this* human that made him more than an exercise in extracting ransom and then

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