real life

A 3704-post collection

Broken Day

Today's the day I take Chaos for a tour of her new school. It happens to take up enough time to dominate the rest of her school day, so she's not going back for like half an hour of alleged education. Especially when she goes non-verbal from excitement.

And it's a broken day for me, because I have to haul arse close to the middle of the day to take Chaos for said tour.

Regardless of whether or not I've finished the daily count of words for my novel in progress.

And that's okay, because I can, have, and will write anywhere and anywhen. Keeping tabs on Miss Chaos is a slight touch of the hassles, and a bit draining and slightly trouble when my meds make me feel slightly sleepy all firkin day.

Good thing I'm used to writing whenever and however.

If I could no longer write... I think my life would be empty.

Which is why it's a little bit worrying that I haven't picked up that other novel in progress for a week or so. I just... haven't been in the mood. And that's a little bit disturbing for me. Concerning. Unnerving.

I usually write in every waking moment, but now... it's full of fog. Sure, I'm more in the here and now than normal, but at what cost? If I can't create... if I can't weave worlds out of words... what am I?

I should stop stressing about it, though. The side project has always been a side project. Besides, I know for a fact that I've been adding a sentence or two here and there and I've hit something of a hump with the prose.

I could easily just doodle about with my plethora of unfinished fanficcery, but I have my worth stuffed into writing two books at once for some reason. Maybe it's because of all the rejection from the agents I've been seeking out. Even though I'm not really depressed because of the serotonin I'm taking every day, I can't help thinking I'm a useless/worthless person who takes up resources and produces little of worth.

I guess some validation would be nice. Preferably in the form of earning some dosh.

Sneaky Sneaky

I know for a fact that my Best Beloved does not read this blog. Therefore I'm about to get away with everything I'm detailing here.

I've refrained from detailing the purchases I made yesterday to get Beloved's birthmas gift. And today, somewhere between the Instant I write today and doing my allotted words for this years' novel, I will extract the gift from its hiding place, emparcel it, and hide it anew.

All this is possible because I have more money than

Read more »

Miracle of Nature

The plovers that have been camping out in our yard and terrorising unsolicited callers have finally hatched their eggs. There's four cute, tiny, puff-balls toddling in the grass near the front fence. The last one to hatch is still working out what these things called 'legs' are for and how they work.

I've named that one Little Wobble.

The family of six are still ambling aimlessly in our lawn, but will soon be exploring greater territories in the neighbourhood.

In other business,

Read more »

Ups and Downs

My weight is up. Boo. But my shoulder is healing to the point where it itches like hell and I know I can't even try to scratch it and aaaaarrrgh. I even nearly forgot it was there and almost laid on it twice.

Beloved is having a birthday this week - the same day I'm due to get my injury looked at - and money is tight until the following Tuesday. I'll figure something out, I know it, but until then, it's

Read more »

By crikey it's hot

The temperature in my office is soaring up past the thirties1, but it's also a muggy heat for which the fans currently do nothing. Neither does the cooling unit in the front room.

So I went and had a summer napnap under the AC in my bedroom. For most of the day.

Today, I've started early so that I have half a hope of getting something useful done. And by 'useful', I mean "faffing about in photoshop" because I have plans

Read more »

Well, fuck

The rape case is off. The muppet's supporters harassed the poor girl who had two witnesses to her assault... and they did so to the point that she withdrew the charges.

Fuck the muppet. Fuck his fanboys. Fuck everyone who thinks this is okay.

Sideways.

With a rough pineapple.

Our only hope now lies in the Electoral College deciding to go with the popular vote and casting the muppet down into the ignominy that he deserves. Which really is wishful thinking.

My

Read more »

Good news, bad news

Bad news: Trump won.

I blame the five million white people with no skin in the game who decided that a third party was the moral choice. Not so high and mighty now that the muppet won, are you?

Good news: The blipectomy was a success.

What felt like a grain of rice under my skin turned out to be a blob of flesh roughly the size of the bone inside the tip of the pinkie finger. And that blob is now

Read more »

Yeep

Today's the day I get a blipectomy. Today's also the day I decided that it's just too hot and muggy to sport longer hair, so I shaved it off. And Beloved helped get all the bits I didn't because I can't see what I missed when I have my glasses off because I'm shaving my head.

And because I am made of mischief, we decided to dye the stubble a pale blue. Which means I'm currently soaking my scalp in bleach so

Read more »

Getting (slowly) better

I had the first good sleep that I can remember since forever. I was actually able to get back to sleep after needing to get up to pee during the wee small hours. [Darn rosemary tea before bedtime] and I'm feeling less 'foggy' than previously.

The only side effect is a slight clogging of the airways that could easily be Sneezin' and Wheezin' Season up to its usual tricks. It feels like I'm breathing through a straw. Only the straw is inside

Read more »

Finding a new level

I'm getting used to the sleepy/heavy feeling after a weekend of trying to sleep it off and failing.

I've fought through days with this kind of feeling before. Enough coffee, or enough stimulation, will keep me awake enough to function.

What I used to do is gorge myself on sugar. And that's a very bad idea for my diet and my dental health. They may be researching ways for people to regrow their dentin? But it hasn't filtered down to plebe

Read more »

Feeling "heavy"

It's day three on my 'chill pills', aka Seratonin. I still don't know how much of my assorted symptoms are psychosomatic, but today is an old friend.

I'm feeling 'heavy'. It's kind of like trying to walk after you've been in the pool for a few hours. Gravity feels like you're walking on Saturn or some similar, high-gravity world. It's like that, only it doesn't easily wear off and it comes with a side of difficulty with my breathing.

It's not asthma.

Read more »

Chillaxin'

I'm having a lovely lazy Saturday, today.

Nothing more planned than slobbing about and having a good, old-fashioned relax-a-thon.

For example: I've taken twenty minutes to get this far.

And I've yet to make it to breakfast :P

I'd better go do that.

Read more »

Teh PLN

I got some ducks in a row and actually talked about sorting out things I've been in fear of fixing for some extended time. Yay.

Now I have to go through with it. Boo.

Today, teh PLN involves going back to the doctor and hashing out a mental health care plan. And I know the drill Talk About The Worst Of It. Loads of people whiffle their way out of getting help with the same rationalisations they use to pretend everything's fine:

Read more »

Procrasti-not

I made the appointment to see the doctor about getting a referral to see a shrink to sort out my mental issues. [...that chased the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built] This is... some momentous momentum for me.

I've been procrastinating about this since my friendo came to visit and assist in the great unfuckening. But I'm running out of stuff to procrastinate about and making me do the thing, even now, has been an

Read more »

Milestones and Procrastination

I've hit a new low, today! 88.5 kilos, hooray. And I have Sardine Pizza to thank for it.

Yes, it's one of my dietary abominations. Take one $3 pizza from Aldi's, and two tins of Golden Circle sardines. Add the sardines to the pizza, garnish with mushrooms and cheese, and bake according to the pizza box instructions.

Since the Golden Circle sardines are super big, this pizza is super-filling, and I only had two slices of this abomination and it kept

Read more »