Open Letter

A 5-post collection

Dear Followers:

Yesterday (or thereabouts) you all saw this on your dashes:

This is, as you may have surmised, the cover to my first novel.

Let me tell you a little thing about this cover.

  1. It is not my work.

  2. It is the work of a very patient artist at Bespoke Book Covers.

  3. It is hella expensive.

  4. …and I’m broke.

I say “very patient” because we went through several-ty hundred revisions before we got to this. I’m currently dragging the poor soul through revisions of the third cover. He is earning every last cent of the money we’ve paid.

Now. In order for this to be worth it, I actually have to make sales.

Which means I won’t be making a red cent out of this until the second book’s published.

I need to generate buzz about this book and the two sequels. I need readers.

So I need news of this (and the following books) coming out to go as far and as fast as possible.

And my advertising budget is all in the cover art.

I need all of you to share the news. Let folks know about the publishing date (Oct 29, Eastern Australian time) and how awesome it is to have the book existing at all. That sort of thing.

Any fascinating ad copy you can come up with is just icing on the cake.

I don’t want anything as ludicrous as the Three Wolf Moon treatment. Just… buzz.

So. Between now and about two weeks after the 29th of October… signal boost the living shit out of this book, okay?

Dear Mythbusters...

Everybody knows what happens when you hang or display a sign that reads “WET PAINT”. Everybody and their kid brother’s dog has to go and poke whatever it is to see if the paint is dry.

My question is: How far can you take it?

What would happen if the “WET PAINT” sign is displayed in other areas Like:

1) On a statue
2) On a window (sans frame)
3) On a (fake) famous work of

Read more »

An open letter to the Republicans planning on moving to Australia

Dear nongs idiots yobs wankers yanks (aw fuckit) Reppos:

We would welcome you to Australia. We’re a welcoming bunch [once we’ve figured out a suitably isolating slang for yaz, of course] we’ll even chuck another steak/prawn on the barbie for ya.

There’s just a few things you ought to know before you pack your bags.

1. You might have heard that the lady in charge of this country is an atheist. This is

Read more »

Dear Moneymakers, (an open letter)

And by this, I mean all corporate “persons”, executives, super-rich and basically, everyone who is making their money by just having money.

You’re doing it wrong.

Current economic theory states that if you give enough money to the already-rich, some of it will inevitably “trickle down” to the lower classes, the world will become everyone’s oyster and we’ll all be knee deep in pearls.

Everyone not amongst the already-rich knows this theory

Read more »

An Open Letter to the President of the USA

First, before anything: if you had bailed out the homeowners and not the banks, you would not be in your present pickle. There would likely not be throngs protesting in the streets, right now. There would not be thousands deriding you for following the whims of your owners campaign contributors instead of actually fulfilling so much as one campaign promise.

Secondly: If you continue to allow yourself to be bought by psychopathic corporations instead of concerning yourself with the interests of the

Read more »