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Necromancy

A 6-post collection

Challenge #03345-I057: Grim Findings

There's a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane. -- AmberFox

[AN: Sincere apologies for the glitch that erased your post from my notice for two firkin months]

They just do it for the attention, I swear. Every single one of them is not just a murderous maniac, but an egocentric attention sponge. If I was a more impolite person, then I would have ruder words for them. Either way, they never really learned any great talents, but they want fame.

Much in the same way a toddler wants that sweet cake before dinner, but I digress.

My name is Zahilde, and I'm a necromancer. I know, I know. You think I'm all darkness, vampires, and creepy shadow bullshit. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ever sacrificed a billion bacteria from an infected wound? That's fun. The real fun started when I found the remains of Joia Dekersk while out looking for 'medicinal' toadstools.

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Challenge #03012-H089: With a Little Help From My...

Warrior: I swear I will have revenge for the death of my brother.

Elf: you have my bow.

Dwarf: and my axe.

Necromancer: and your brother! -- Anon Guest

[AN: Heheheh, I remember when that first did the rounds on Tumblr. I think someone made a comic page out of it eventually. I wanna say Oglaf, but... probably not Oglaf[1].]

People always think necromancy is the ultimate evil. They think that necromancers don't respect the dead, the gods, the feelings of

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Challenge #02776-G219: Peculiar Parenting Problems

There were things I expected to say to my children when I got into this whole parenthood thing. Things like "don't eat that" and "put your pants on" and "stop drawing on the walls" or "do your homework". Then, there were the things that took me by surprise. "Don't put that in your butt" was one, and "NO! DON'T PUSH YOUR BROTHER DOWN THE STAIRS!!" was another, but most recently, "If you make me faceplant into broken glass, you will be in

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Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards

(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."

(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame

Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had

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Challenge #01877-E053: Working With the Dead

Sometimes the person you admire or love has a passion or hobby that they would really love to get stuff for. -- Anon Guest

Hobbyists are easy to buy for. Well. Most of them are. Gardeners will love you for getting a big bag of manure. Leatherworkers - the less said about the gross stuff that Leatherworkers would thank you for, the better. Especially if they do their own tanning. Arts and crafts people will be grateful for infinite art supplies.

But

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Challenge #01110-C013: Fear of the Gifted Child

http://thefingerfuckingfemalefury.tumblr.com/post/129483030883/ayellowbirds-sorceringing-the-vegan-muser -- RecklessPrudence

There were skeleton spiders in the lab. No, not the exoskeletons, which novices animated for practice, but actual spiders made of bones.

That one had a rib cage for an abdomen.

"Clerita... what the flying hell?"

Clerita, the problem child, the one who was always so far ahead of everyone that she seemed like she was behind, looked up from her current project. A bird with bony pinions. "Uhm," she said.

"Why?" demanded

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