Myths Illogical

A 181-post collection

Challenge #01350-C255: The Tale of Sir George (No, the Other One)

Who says a young dragonling can't grow up to be a wonderful knight? -- OohLookShiny

All things begin small, but for some, small is relative. For the hero George, it began with an egg the size of a shorn sheep, and a merciful hero turned blacksmith who honoured a monster's dying wish.

I cannot change, the beast had said. My baby is not hatched. Raise them... to... be good.

Sir Menkhol had obeyed. He took the egg to his home and forge and kept it warm on the coals as he worked. And when the young dragon hatched, he called it George. Perhaps it was wrong to name a dragon after a dragon-slayer, but it was a good and honest name nonetheless.

Since Sir Menkhol knew it to be an intelligent creature, he kept the young George as if the dragon were his own child. True to his promise, George learned all about the virtues of a knight.

Therefore it was no small surprise to find the young dragon lining up for the trial of skill at the Knights' training yard on his sixteenth year. Young George passed the height qualification by walking on his hind legs, and nimbly overcame the obstacle course.

And yet, the masters said, "No."

Sir Menkhol, long since retired, came to the yard and demanded to know why his son was less that any other boy to take the trials.

"He's. A. Dragon," explained the masters. "Knights go out and kill dragons."

"Only the bad ones," protested George. "I know what 'good' is, and I stand by what is right. And I want to be a knight like my father before me."

Raucous laughter greeted his words. Of course they did. They saw no reason for a dragon to love the man who raised him. They certainly saw no reason why a dragon could be a knight.

They did not admit George, but they did not forbid him from training. Even the narrowest of minds could admit that a dragon in the army had to be one mark better than a dragon with a grudge.

When training for humans became too easy, he found things to do that challenged him. He made himself the mightiest dragon in the kingdom. And waited.

Mir Menkhol, being both a proud father and blacksmith, worked with alchemy and ancient knowledge alike to uncover the metal hiding in bauxite, and alloyed it carefully to make an armour both light and strong, that a dragon could wear in flight. So others would know that George was no ordinary dragon. Of course, bauxite was not easily coaxed from its dusty origins, and the use of dragon flame served a double purpose. First, of course, was the armour. Second, and more important, was training George's flame.

And all of this would have been unimportant in times of peace. Neighbouring kingdoms soon allied with theirs. News like a dragon in the army gets around. But there were other enemies who were not so easily cowed.

And even the masters forgot the other thing that Knights did.

They rescue princesses.

So when the armour-clad George Drake-kin Menkhol landed in the square of an allied kingdom, the princess riding him as if she rode dragons every day, it was only a matter of time before his knighthood was confirmed.

So hail to Sir George Drakkin, first of his kind! A living example to all that 'can't' is a wall that anyone can climb.

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Challenge #01347-C252: Could They Pick a Worse Team?

I am a ____ agent, I have a voice synthesiser in my throat. I can do any accent you can think of! Unfortunately I've lost the instructions at the moment... And my voice box is stuck on shop demonstration. -- Anon Guest

"Héllo, Madarm. I am hére to see your studént Camila Rodriguéz."

The school secretary looked at the badge, and the agent, and grew a very concerned look.

"Yés. I am a PINATA agént, I have a voice

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Challenge #01341-C246: Riders of the Apocollapse

The four Horsepersons of the Apocollapse(Not a typo), ride fourth and get in each other's way. -- Knitnan

[AN: It's officially 'apocollapse' now. It's a word that's long needed to happen]

"And now... we... um..." said Absentmindedness. "Wossname. Thing. It was on the tip of my tongue..."

"Ride?" suggested Mislaying.

"YEEHAW," Distraction gunned hir engine and raced off in the first direction that appealed to hir.

Two of the remaining three started their bikes.

"Shit," said Mislaying. "I lost my keys,

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Challenge #01340-C245: The Coming Apocollapse

Want to see more of your Minor Horsepersons of the Apocollapse (No that isn't a typo). Namely Absentmindedness, Clumsiness, Distraction, and Mislaying ride out. -- Anon Guest.

[AN: Had to flip some letters around to make a word make sense]

"I know I had it, I had it just five seconds ago..." murmured Mislaying

"HEY GUYS," yelled Distraction, "IT'S A BUTTERFLY AND IT'S REALLY COOL!"

"...whoops..." Something important shattered into a million pieces. Clumsiness blushed. "...um... fuck... shit... gotta get another one.

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Challenge #01329-C234: Not-Bear

I'm not saying it's bears, but it's bears. (Details) -- RecklessPrudence

"And in other news, Australian zoologists have managed to capture the fabled Yowie. Down by the little outback town of Canyapassabeermate[1], a local dingo trapper found more than he bargained for in one of his cage traps."

They cut to the live feed where the only person wearing corks on their hat was the American newscaster.

"G'day from down under," she cheered, blatantly ignoring the winces of contact embarrassment from

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Challenge #01328-C233: Pax Multilingual

Ghosts and the word 'boo'. Details here. -- RecklessPrudence

"What the hell did you say to that demon, Demon?"

"Shayde," said the demon. "And she was'nae a demon, she was Seeliegh. A Fae."

"You speak gibberish, demon," said Sir Ethil. "More so than usual. Everyone knows that fairies are small and have butterfly wings. That monster looked more like an insect trying to appear human."

Behind Sir Ethil, Tragyk the Mage snorted. He had a lot of trouble with pollen, every time

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Challenge #01306-C211: One Wrong Word

"In my defense, I didn't know calling the Prince a 'dummy' would be considered an act of treason." -- OohLookShiny

In a sense, her defense was a compliment. The artisans responsible for the Prince's artificial body had done such work that the simulacrum holding his soul to the mortal realm looked amazingly lifelike.

She hadn't known that he was a human soul residing in a constructed body. And they were so rare, so expensive, that they were a last resort against worse

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Challenge #01303-C208: Legendary Loser

The strongest man in the world attempts to find and swat a mosquito -- Gallifreya

[AN: I saw that GIF set, but I've yet to get my hands on a copy of One Punch Man alas alack]

Of the mighty deeds of Heracles, there is but one that is not re-told by the bards or poets.

Heracles, mighty son of Zeus, stronger than ten strong mortal men... lost just one battle. Mighty were his biceps, thick were his thews, but they were

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Challenge #01277-C182: One Survivor

How much Buffy Speak can you get in one story? -- Gallifreya

Kay so like, me and the scooby gang were in napville over our one-starbucks town. It should'a been like a major stress drain to take the van and head for otherwhere, you know?

We didn't plan. Just cram the van with munchies and drinkables and pick a street and split down 'till we got somewhere dollsome or otherwise chill, y'know? Have an adventure.

Wish that genie would book.

Not that

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Challenge #01274-C179: Stay for the Night

http://sinnamon-skull.tumblr.com/post/146342604376/tharook-thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Mundane not-goth modern vampire and her gf -- Gallifreya

Local vampire seeks roommate. Must be clean, non smoker, and be able to pay half the rent. No weirdoes.

Claire read the personal again and blinked to make certain that she hadn't read it wrong. Must be one of the weirder goths who drank blood or did the whole 'children of the night' routine. Claire didn't mind goths. It was almost obligatory because she was one.

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Challenge #01262-C167: Going With the Flow

"Such unfortunate words you use for the Old Magics... 'beyond your control'. Why do humans seek to control everything? It seems to me that unless humans are able to give something purpose, use or station, it has no value to you. It is troubling in a way."

"You find humanity wicked, do you?"

"No. I find humanity to be very young, and as any youngling, they are both brave and foolish, fearless yet unknowing. Which is why when I hear you say

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Challenge #01261-C166: Saving Mothman

http://scienceisadesiretoknow.tumblr.com/post/144675700926

"The woman soaked several lengths of rope in a solution of red wine and sugar. She strung the wine ropes from the trees in her garden and then, around midnight, she came to check on her unusual trap. Sure enough, Mothman was swinging gleefully from the wine ropes, drunk and squealing with joy." -- Anon Guest

Amberlaize Jones now owns and takes care of a colony of fifty 'mothmen', a former cryptid now known as the

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Challenge #01256-C161: Blood in the Boards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV3xp5ZXSYA

Opera vampire

He tries very hard to be a baritone but he's a a countertenor (or possibly a contralto) -- Gallifreya

[AN: This is the guy referred to on the internet as "Gay Opera Dracula"]

Some appetites can not be ignored. Some can be... restrained. I learned that when a Master of Voices turned my best friend into a Castrati. That was a very, very long time ago.

I was turned into something else, myself.

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Challenge #01254-C159: Sworn to Love

Princess Marries Dragon to Knight -- Gallifreya

"Why, beast? Why must you plague my every waking day with your invasions to my fair land."

The dragon rumbled and stopped what it was doing with boulders. It seemed to... sag. "I'm... a plague?"

"Of course you're a plague! You burn the lands, you foul the water, and you steal the cattle of the hardworking peasants."

"Um," said the Princess Carillion. "That would be the warlords neighbours? I haven't observed this dragon doing very

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Challenge #01253-C158: Happily Ever After

Princess marries Dragon and Knight -- Gallifreya

Another day, another quest. Trillwhistle and Amanda had both taken a liking to questing. They saw more of the world than they could have initially believed and the rewards were interesting. And educational.

Amanda stopped calling herself Princess Amanda and, thanks to an unkowing knighthood from a distant king, started going by Sir Dragonbourne. It helped that her armour covered her face and disguised her physique.

And it was safer to let everyone assume that

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