Myths Illogical

Challenge #01657-D196: Spiteful Ascension

Depression Tips: Kill the gods and eat their flesh to rise above human chemicals into horrifying immortality

...Sounds more feasible than “just think positive!” -- RecklessPrudence

People around Lase would later swear that they all heard it when she snapped. A lifetime of hearing people say, "Just think positive," will do that to you.

"You know what?" she said. "I'm going to summon an Elder God, kill it, and drink its blood so I can rise above the need for mortal chemicals. It'll certainly be easier."

Dave, who suggested every other hour that Lase just think positive, backed away from her cubicle. "Geez," he said, "I was just trying to be helpful..."

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Challenge #01651-D190: Ill-Met By Neon

The city sleeps, if the city is large enough to support night workers, cops, nurses, cleaning staff and cab drivers, somewhere there is a place open with hot coffee, hot food, a place to sit and grab a meal or snack before heading home to sleep. -- Knitnan

Towns can sleep. Villages definitely slumber. Cities? Cities never close. There's always somewhere going. Some light that is on and someone who is using that illumination for something. Not always something nice, because the

Challenge #01650-D189: Not the Usual Madness

And so tired of the Mad God's priestess falling for Hero du Jour and grabbing the priceless treasure and buggering off to live with Hero type. So! what if your Mad God was just annoyed that "Nobody Listens to Me!" - random thoughts on popular Barbarian fiction. -- Knitnan

The temple of Sargax the Mad God was silent. Eerily silent. The walls were furnished in sculpted felt and the floor was made out of cork. Nidrus the Mighty could not still the

Challenge #01649-D188: What a God Wants

I was destined to be the priestess of a mad God. What they didn't tell me was that instead of slaughtering people I'd be making Him a nice cup of tea and telling him it would be all right. -- Knitnan

I'd always wondered why the High Holies of the Mad God Zhyruq selected the kind and sympathetic to be their acolytes. Every year, they chose amongst their number the trainee they found to be the kindest, most generous, and most sympathetic.

Challenge #01643-D182: High-level Negotiations

Do you ever get the feeling that (God/the Gods) (has/have) a plan? And you're the only one who can stop it? -- RecklessPrudence

Of all the forces of the multiverse, none is more terrifying than a being with the Gods on their side. They are unstoppable, indomitable, and irrevocable. And of all the beings in the multiverse, none are more pitiable than the ones the Gods merely use as a tool.

And when one comes against the other...

Shayde faced

Challenge #01629-D168: Unfortunate For Some

Hell, as they say is other people. Especially when you are a school bus driver. -- Knitnan

The chant had started from the back of the bus. "We wanna, we wanna, we wanna wee! If you do not stop for us/ we'll do it on the bus![1]" The otherwise well-behaved kid in the front seat was singing X-1 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. The crowd of kids sharing music were singing both off key and out of sync. The people

Challenge #01608-D147: Repent Now...

[Name] sighed and turned back to their paperwork. In the scant few minutes they’d been talking with the other person, the paper seemed to have multiplied. It was breeding. There was a giant paperwork orgy going on right on their desk, and it was all they could do to fill out forms faster than they were produced. -- RecklessPrudence

They say paperwork is hell. They don't have the half of it. Imagine the largest offices in the world. Floor after floor

Challenge #01541-D080: Soured Gift

Wings are the symbol of mages, a manifestation of their powers. But magic isn't something easily accepted. People will do anything to be normal. -- YizukiKhons

They appear with the first use of magic, which can happen at any time following the day that a child first recognises that their own actions have consequences beyond themselves. Some say that their size indicates the mage's power. They are made of light, and it is not their size, which is illusory, but the luminosity

Challenge #01538-D077: A Stay in a Haunted House

Just because something is supernatural doesn't mean it won't follow a learnable set of rules. It just means the "why" of those rules isn't bound to make logical sense. -- RecklessPrudence

It was an old house. Of course it came with a ghost. It had been a farm in the ancient days of yore, before urbanisation subdivided the land again and yet again, and it became the last house along a new street that had once been its driveway, and, simultaneously, the

Challenge #01536-D075: Dire Times at the Dog and Duck

It was one of those places that people went to, to drink as much as possible in the shortest time. There were tiles well above head height, the floor was tiled and covered in sawdust, at shift change staff hosed it out and put down fresh sawdust. -- Anon Guest

There wasn't a menu. There weren't interesting bottles on the back shelf. There was barely a back shelf, which held a bottle of suspicious pickled eggs, which also held a pickled vermin

Challenge #01534-D073: Wyrd Customs

"How normal is this occurrence that there's automated vocal procedures to talk about the demonic presence?" -- RecklessPrudence

This lot of magicians had graduated through technology and out the other side, never once stopping in at Global Pollution Station for a long debate about how dangerous pollution was, when you really got down to it. Shayde was impressed. Not many worlds actually noticed the long-term effects of certain technologies and decided to look at other ways to do things while the water

Challenge #01532-D071: Unseen Flaws

"What? What is it?" "Give me a minute. I've been an idiot and I'm trying to compensate." -- RecklessPrudence

"No, no, no, no, no!" Paper snowed from its fountaining upwards. Judging by the look of things, inspiration had been going in entirely in the wrong direction. "It's all shit! It's nonsense! Rubbish! Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish..." And then Maester Kadfel fell to sobbing at her desk.

Thaldrik fielded as many pages as he could catch, and laboriously rounded up the others. Months of

Challenge #01528-D067: World-threatening

What do they eat, anyway?

::snort:: Anything. They don't care. They're roaming, poisonous, armoured, Dark Magic-spawned garbage disposals. -- RecklessPrudence

"Dark Magic is extinct. It's been extinct for thousands of years," objected Thaldrik.

"And they've been around that long," said Maester Kadfel. "Possibly longer. It was their creation that lead to the uprising against Dark Magic and its subsequent elimination." She tapped the illustration. "For now, they seem content to remain in the calderas of Mount Seethe, and eat... whatever they find

Challenge #01515-D054: A Good Host's Reward

Pick a second! -- Gallifreya

There's one advantage to being an early riser. Usually, it's watching some kick-ass dawns as they happen. Today, it was meeting Brutus. He's what most people call a gargoyle. I'd go into the difference between the real gargoyles, which are decorative stone waterspouts, and what people call 'gargoyles' but are actually called grotesques. Those are decorative stone building features with no inherent function.

But I wouldn't call Brutus 'grotesque'. He's kind'a pretty. Even with his stone skin

Challenge #01514-D053: One Miserable Evening in a Dragon's Lair

http://toxixpumpkin.tumblr.com/post/100767877989

Pick one! -- Gallifreya

Of all the experiences in the multiverse, there's nothing like sprawling across the head of a friendly dragon. Alas, since this dragon was fighting a bout of the 'flu, it meant that Sam was doing the sprawling in a budgie-smuggler, and kept one hand on the fire extinguisher.

Dragons sneeze fire. And even though Bloodflight was comfy in his cave, there was still the risk of setting a few things on fire.

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A 190-post collection

Challenge #01657-D196: Spiteful Ascension

Challenge #01651-D190: Ill-Met By Neon

Challenge #01650-D189: Not the Usual Madness

Challenge #01649-D188: What a God Wants

Challenge #01643-D182: High-level Negotiations

Challenge #01629-D168: Unfortunate For Some

Challenge #01608-D147: Repent Now...

Challenge #01541-D080: Soured Gift

Challenge #01538-D077: A Stay in a Haunted House

Challenge #01536-D075: Dire Times at the Dog and Duck

Challenge #01534-D073: Wyrd Customs

Challenge #01532-D071: Unseen Flaws

Challenge #01528-D067: World-threatening

Challenge #01515-D054: A Good Host's Reward

Challenge #01514-D053: One Miserable Evening in a Dragon's Lair